


Reading Between The Lines

by nephelauxetic



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Jennifer Jareau, Emily Prentiss/Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Penelope Garcia friendship, Emily is a useless lesbian, F/F, Girlfriends - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Jemily - Freeform, Lesbian Emily Prentiss, Mutual Pinning, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad Emily, Slow Burn, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 51,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26224978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nephelauxetic/pseuds/nephelauxetic
Summary: This story starts at 2x09 when Emily Prentiss - badass FBI agent and useless lesbian - joins the BAU and reads between the lines of key episodes that we never got to see.Emily Prentiss is guarded but she can feel her walls falling down even on her first day when she meets Agent Jennifer Jareau and the blonde woman has her captivated.She'll need to figure out how to handle her attraction if she's going to hide her crush from her fellow profilers and prove that she deserves to be a member of the team.*ON HIATUS UNTIL MID MAY DUE TO EXAMS* :(
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 56
Kudos: 156





	1. The Last Word

Emily Prentiss was excited for maybe the first time in her life. Ever since she had gotten that surprise call to say that she had gotten a job at the Behavioural Analysis Unit she had a stride in her step. This was her dream job, one that she never thought she’d ever get. At the age of 36 she had begun to give up. Deep down she knew that if she was really desperate, she could’ve asked her mother, but it was important to Emily that she earned everything she got herself. Even if she didn’t have that drive, she wouldn’t reach out to her mother. They hadn’t had a proper conversation in years. They would call each other on birthdays and maybe see each other occasionally at Christmas but her parents didn’t celebrate too much, even when Emily was a child.

Too much travelling. Never staying in one place too long. Her parents were always busy with meetings. Those were just a few excuses for Emily’s parents neglecting her. Emily let out a sigh. She hated remembering her childhood which turned her into quite the rebel which she wanted to forget. So many bad decisions and she wasn’t just thinking about her fashion sense.

Emily counted to three in her head before reaching for her phone that was lying on her table in her living room. She scrolled through her contacts and took a deep breath before calling.

“Uh hey, it’s me – Emily.” She cringed at the awkwardness of her own voice.

_Hello Emily. I was meaning to call you, but you see, I’ve been very busy. I know it’s a few days late but happy birthday._

“Oh! Yeah thanks, it’s fine. I was actually calling about something else. I got a job at the BAU.” Emily had been too preoccupied with her new job offer that had happened a few days before her 36th birthday that she had completely forgotten her mother hadn’t called her.

_That’s great to hear. I hope you do the Prentiss name proud. Now, I’m a bit busy right now. Is there anything-_

Emily cut her off. She knew exactly what she was going to say. More excuses and she didn’t want to hear them yet again. To be honest, she didn’t want to talk to her anymore. She didn’t expect much when she told her about her new job, but she hoped she’d be a bit enthusiastic or maybe sound happy for her but that seemed too much of a stretch. When she was growing up her parents only cared about image and reputation and none of that had seemed to change.

“Nope, that’s it. Bye.” Her mother then hung up on her before even saying goodbye which hurt Emily more than she wanted to admit.

After graduating university with her degree in criminal justice, she was inspired to join the BAU. As cliché as it sounded, she wanted to make a difference in this world. By being a profiler, she hoped that she would be able to protect people from evil. This was a job that would give her purpose.

Once she had graduated for the second time (this time from Yale), she decided to apply for the FBI. The only job that would accept her was working at its field offices in the Midwest. This wasn’t exactly where she wanted to be, but that was to gain experience. She had expected to stay just a few years, but it had now been closer to a decade.

She had lost count of how many times she almost quit. She thought about going down a completely different route. Maybe making a difference by teaching? She had made a deal with herself that if she didn’t get transferred to the BAU within the next year she would leave. Emily had even started at looking at teaching positions overseas which seemed so rewarding she almost applied then and there.

It started off being a normal day. The sky was full of grey clouds threatening rain as she walked the last portion of her journey to work. Just as she crossed the street to get to the building where she worked her phone rang. Always on alert, Emily quickly pulled her phone out of her pocket of her black blazer and answered before the third ring. Her eyebrows knitted together, and confusion appeared on her face at the sight of the unknown number.

“Prentiss.” She stated matter-of-factly. Her tone neutral.

_Agent Prentiss, there is an opening at the BAU, and I feel like you would be a good fit. Do you feel ready for this opportunity?_

Emily didn’t recognise the woman’s voice at the other end of the line, but she was too shocked at what she had said to ask.

“Wow that’s – I would – Did you say the BAU?” Emily stuttered, needing clarification that she had heard right. All she got in response was a one-word answer. Without really thinking, Emily accepted the job she had just been offered. She said thanks to the unknown woman and the phone call ended.

Emily glanced around at her surroundings to make sure nobody was nearby and then let out a delighted squeal. She got finally got it! Normally this amount of emotion displayed in public would cause her great embarrassment, but she didn’t care. She was so damn happy. The smile wouldn’t leave her lips. Emily could tell that her cheeks were going to ache by the end of the day due to them not used to being like that. A car horn brought her back to reality and she had realised that she still had a job to go to. She stepped inside the building, passed through security and then headed straight for her boss’s office.

While she was about to knock on his door, he called out for her. Emily walked decisively into his office with more confidence than normal. She greeted the older man, curious about what this sudden meeting was about.

“I just got some paperwork faxed over. It was actually quite interesting because it was about your transfer and yet I had heard _absolutely nothing_ about it previously. Care to explain?” Oh no, Emily thought, she knew this all-too-familiar tone. Whenever he felt left out of the loop, he got frustrated.

Emily struggled to hide the surprise in her eyes. The call had only happened ten minutes ago, yet the paperwork had already been done and sent to her boss?

“Uh yes sir. Well, I also only found about this transfer this morning. I got a phone call.” She explained frankly. “I was actually just about to talk to you about it, sir.” Adding the extra sir to boost his ego, remind him that he was the one in charge. She hoped that this would ease his exasperation towards her.

“Hmm, so it seems you’ll be leaving in a few weeks. Good luck at the BAU.” Emily nodded her thanks and turned to leave however when she reached the door her boss called out for her. “Oh, and one last thing, we’re all going to miss you, Prentiss.” Emily’s lips arched into a broad smile that matched her boss’s. She left the office and hurried to her desk to start her work for the day. The smile still hadn’t left her lips and she wasn’t quite sure when it would which left her co-workers very confused.

+/+/+/+/+

Emily woke up and stretched before she pulled the duvet cover off her toned body. The cold November air had seeped through her bedroom window which brought her out of her dreamy state. She couldn’t believe today was going to happen. It had been a few weeks since she had been asked to join the BAU and now today was going to be her first day. The night before Emily had picked out her outfit. A grey skirt, a crisp navy-blue shirt and a grey blazer to match, along with navy blue boots with a small heel. Emily was five foot seven, but she knew the BAU was a male dominated department and she wanted to appear slightly taller so that she could intimidate any insecure guys who thought she didn’t deserve to be there based on her gender. She wanted to do everything in her power to make the best impression possible and be taken seriously.

Nerves about her first day had caused her issues with her sleep. Her alarm wasn’t going to ring for another hour, but the excitement caused her to wake up feeling refreshed. The extra hour she had; she didn’t want to waste. Realising she should release some of this excess energy she decided to go for a 30-minute jog around the block. She dug through her wardrobe and reached for her workout outfit. Her outfit was fairly simple. Stripy blue leggings with a matching sports bra and a black tank top to put on top. She grabbed her black running shoes and tied the laces with ease before leaving her flat. Her run was exhilarating. She had managed to beat her personal best by a solid twenty seconds.

When Emily entered her flat the first thing she did was jump in the shower. The water running down her back calmed her, and she felt her nerves slowly wash away. Everything was going to be fine. She needed to reassure herself that she deserved this. Once dressed, Emily dried her medium-length black hair and then styled it, so she looked neat and presentable. She took one last glance in the mirror before opting to not wear the grey blazer. She left her apartment feeling ready for her new beginnings.

+/+/+/+/+

She was finally here, and it already felt like home to her. She just hoped she’d be accepted into this family. When she passed the security, she was instructed to speak to Agent Hotchner. She was told his office was up the stairs on the left. Walking into the room it was full of agents busily walking from their desks to the other ends of the room, trying to meet their deadlines. Her eyes lingered on the three people talking to each other, wondering if they would be her future colleagues. There was an older man who looked very serious, someone, she guessed, that she wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of; there was a man who was around her age, he was laughing and her eyes followed as to who he could be laughing at which brought her to the third man. He looked _very_ young. He could easily be ten years younger than her, she wondered how long he had been working at the BAU. A younger woman walked over to the men. She was similar aged to the younger man but a few years older.

Emily’s breath hitched in her throat. The blonde woman with shockingly crystalline blue eyes looked beautiful in a simple white long-sleeved top and a pair of black slacks. A part of her hoped she would be working alongside her and another part her hoped she wasn’t because how was she meant to concentrate when she would be around?

This was what she feared about working with profilers. Emily had secrets to keep and demons to hide that she didn’t want anyone to discover. What if nothing stayed private? There were certain things that she didn’t want her colleagues to know until she felt they were close enough. If they ever reached that. She thought back to her colleagues at her old unit and none of them knew very much about her personal life. But she liked it that way. One important thing to know about Emily Prentiss is that she was guarded.

Working alongside profilers she wondered how long it would take for them to realise that she was a lesbian. It had taken her so long to accept that word. It wasn’t an ugly word; it wasn’t a bad word. She had told her parents when she had graduated from Yale and they didn’t take it well at all. They had warned her to keep it private and so she did. She barely dated and kept herself to herself. If she had to work around the blonde woman, she doubted her secret would stay hidden for more than a week.

She realised she had been standing still for quite a while and the box in her arms carrying her things was starting to get heavy. She adjusted the box in her arms and walked up the stairs. With each step she took she could feel herself getting more nervous. She located Agent Hotchner’s office and knocked on the door. She felt like she could throw up at any moment.

“Agent Hotchner?” Emily asks the slightly older man standing before her. He’s wearing a suit that looks expensive. He seems like he’d be in charge.

“Yes.” Agent Hotchner stated simply.

“I’m Agent Emily Prentiss.” She hoped that he would then realise why she was here.

“How are you? Oh, you’re Ambassador Prentiss’ daughter. I did security clearances for your mother’s staff. It was one of my first commands. I believe you were off to Brown at the time.” Emily didn’t expect all this small talk. She wasn’t a huge fan of it.

“Actually, it was Yale.” She let out a nervous laugh. Should she have corrected him? What if he saw that as a challenge to his authority? “I’ve been in the bureau almost 10 years now.”

“Don’t tell me that. Has it been that long?”

“Apparently, sir, but I work mostly in the Midwest. St Louis, Chicago.” She mentioned her past jobs in hopes to impress him.

“Good.” Hotchner stated hoping to end the conversation however Emily looked at him expectantly. She was waiting for him to say the right thing. Silence filled the room and Emily wasn’t quite sure where to look. She met Hotchner’s eye and gave him an awkward small smile.

“Your parents well?” Great. Once again, her parents were brought into a conversation.

“Yeah, yeah, they’re great.” Emily replied quickly. Hoping this brief answer would move the conversation away from her parents.

“Excellent.” The silence returned and it seemed Hotchner was finished with the small talk, as was Emily. Emily wondered if she should just run away and she almost did as the awkwardness was palpable.

“What can I do for you?” Finally getting to the point! Emily was relieved.

“Uh, well, I guess I was hoping you could tell me where to put my stuff.”

“I’m sorry?” Hotchner looked at Emily blankly. 

“I’m supposed to start here today… at the BAU.” Emily began to doubt herself as the older man seemed to have no clue what she was talking about. She reached into her box and pulled out the first file – her transfer – and passed it to Agent Hotchner, hoping to clear everything up.

“There’s been a mistake.” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I don’t think so sir.” Emily had read the file a thousand times and had memorised it word for word. She knew that she was right.

“There’s definitely been a mistake.”

Their stand-off was interrupted when someone knocked on the door. Hotchner turned to see who was at the door, instinctively so did Emily. It was the blonde woman Emily had seen before. Emily could see the blonde’s face so clearly and it was more beautiful than she had pictured, and Emily could drown in her eyes if she really wanted. Emily noticed the blonde woman’s horseshoe necklace and almost smiled. She wondered who had given her it. The two women made eye contact and the blonde let out a little gasp.

“Oh. Excuse me. We’re getting started.”

“Thank you. I’ll be right there.” The blonde quickly left as she had appeared but as she left, she gave one last glance at Emily. One that Emily met as she never took her eyes off the blonde.

“I didn’t approve this transfer, Agent Prentiss.” Emily’s eyes became downcast. She had made a fool of herself and her dream job was being snatched right out of her hands before she had even got a glimpse of it. She had to try her hardest to stop her eyes from becoming watery so the puddles of tears wouldn't escape. Emily was a down-right ugly crier.

“I’m sorry for the confusion, but you’ve been misinformed.”

“But – “ Emily pleaded but she was cut off. The appearance of the blonde had left her flustered. She wondered if Hotchner had noticed their interaction. If he had, he didn't act like it and Emily was grateful for that.

“Excuse me. It’s very good to see you again.” Hotchner brushed past her and left his office. Emily picked her up file and placed it back in her box and placed it in her arms.

“Uhh…” She tried to catch up with Hotchner but he had already left and was talking to the older man she had seen before downstairs. Emily was left feeling lost and confused. She could tell that the two men were talking about her as the older man turned to look at her warily.

Emily watched as the two men left and were joined by the other two men she had seen before and the gorgeous blonde. She let out a sigh she hadn’t realised she had been holding in. She felt defeated. Her dream was over. Emily was dejected. She felt her world crushing around her. How humiliating it was going to be to have to return to her old job – if they’d even take her back. She began to leave the floor, turning around to take one last look as she’d probably never be back. That hurt. It was almost like she had been punched in the gut. But then she remembered she was Emily Prentiss. Emily Prentiss does not give up. Her lips curved into a smile as she thought of a plan. This was her last and only chance to join the BAU. She was going to prove herself. She deserved this.

+/+/+/+/+

Emily had spent the last four days profiling a case which the BAU might take on. Not only did she want to prepare herself in case they got the case but she wanted to prove that she had the skills to succeed within this unit. Emily returned to the building where she had lost so much hope a few days ago and found Hotchner’s office unlocked and decided to wait for him. She sat on his brown sofa which was just as comfy as it looked. She kept the lights off so she could surprise him. She heard Hotchner approach and gathered her thoughts, going through the profile she had come up with in her head so she wouldn’t forget anything.

Hotchner noticed her almost straight away. “Please tell me you haven’t been there for the last four days.”

“I heard you were flying back tonight.”

Hotchner looked surprised. “Heard? How could you have heard a thing like that?”

Emily then stood up and handed Hotchner a file. “This was dropped off today.”

Agent Hotchner quickly scanned the document he had been given. “I appreciate your interest, Agent, but profiling is a speciality. We can’t just let anyone who wants to give it a whirl.”

This was Emily’s one chance and she was going to take it.

“The I-80 killer? Co-eds in Indiana?”

“Yes, I read it on the plane.” Emily had predicted that he would be familiar with this case and was pleased she was right.

“They aren’t blitz attacks. This guy’s organised.” Emily noticed that Hotchner’s body language changed and now he was _really_ beginning to listen to her, suggesting that her profile was on the right line.

“He’s a white male, early 30s, and a smooth talker, because even after eleven victims, he can still convince educated women who know there’s a predator out there to get into his car.”

“How would you advise the police?” This question was a common question in interviews for potentials wishing to join the BAU. Emily knew this. Emily took a breath, her voice becoming more confident as she became more confident with her profile and knowledge of the case.

“I would stake out the Ranch House, a nightclub in Gary. They have a very popular ladies’ night on Thursdays. If you look closely, you’ll see that eight out of the eleven victims went missing on a Friday morning. So, something gets this creep’s motor running on Thursdays.”

Emily and Hotchner looked at each other. Emily instantly panicked at her choice of words. Maybe they were deemed inappropriate? Even the littlest thing could cost her this. However, the look on Hotchner’s face wasn’t of disapproval, it was more of contemplation.

“This isn’t a whirl, Agent Hotchner. I don’t know how the paperwork got screwed up or maybe you believe my parents pulled some strings, which they didn’t, by the way.” Emily knew that to join the BAU, since they were such a close-knit unit, she would not only need to have the skills but also have the determination. It was so important to her that the Agent knew that she had earned this herself. “I belong in this unit. And all I’m asking you for is the chance to show you that.” Emily said slowly and definitely.

Emily could tell that Hotchner was analysing her at this point and she was okay with that. She met his eyes so he could tell that she was being sincere.

“I still need to look into this. I’m not promising anything.”

“Understood.”

“We brief new cases every morning at 10am. You can see facilities management about a desk.”

“You won’t be sorry.”

Emily turned to pick up her stuff and left Hotchner’s office with a smile on her face.


	2. Lessons Learned

Emily located the facilities management office and surprised an older woman who was just about to leave. She sighed at Prentiss’s appearance but decided to help her and told her which desk she could have. Emily said her thanks and left quickly to find her desk so the woman could leave. She found her desk and noted that her colleagues’ desks were surrounding hers. She felt part of the team. The floor was basically deserted as most people had gone home or were in other parts of the building. She took a seat at her desk and placed her box down and unpacked it. There wasn’t too much to unpack: some paperwork, stationary, and very few personal items – a singular photograph of her from her time at Yale when she was on holiday and managed to capture her and some friends overlooking a glorious sunset. Emily was about to leave but decided she’d wait another minute. She wanted to bask in this moment. She spun around in her chair, letting out an uncontrollable giggle, like a child. This was finally real. She had her desk. She was part of the team.

Once her chair came to a halt, she took one final look at the floor even though she’d be seeing it again in the morning. A light from an office caught her eye. She cursed under breath as she hadn’t noticed that before. Even though there had been nobody nearby, she could still be seen from the occupied office. Emily could feel her cheeks going red, and when she blushed, she _really_ blushed. Emily had been brought up to be stoic, but she never managed to conceal her embarrassment that well. She decided it was definitely time for her to leave.

The office door opened, and the light switched off. The person was leaving, and Emily debated whether she should just hide at her desk or not. She didn’t realise that she had been taking her time in making her decision that her thoughts were interrupted.

“Hey, I saw you before, didn’t I? In Hotch’s office?” Emily instantly recognised the voice that belonged to the blonde she had met before. She also noted the nickname she had given Agent Hotchner – she must be part of the team.

“Uh yeah. I’m Emily. Agent Emily Prentiss.” She was flustered at the sight of the blonde and the thought of her seeing her fool around. Emily stuck out her hand which the blonde eagerly took.

“I’m Jennifer. Agent Jareau, but most call me JJ.” As their hands met Emily felt electric, she wondered if JJ felt the same. Emily’s breath hitched in her throat as their hands held together for longer than was needed. JJ eventually let go of Emily’s hand.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you found your desk.” JJ had a massive grin on her face whereas Emily’s cheeks, in fact her whole face, had become a rosy hue. Though her thick, wavy black hair was covering her ears she could feel the heat in them. Emily shifted her weight from one foot to the other as her slim fingers traced over her face to distract from her now rosy features.

“Welcome to the team.” JJ whispered softly, surprised at how quiet her words were. The words were loud enough for Emily to hear and as a reply she gave JJ a smile that was genuinely sweet with a hint of shyness. An unexpected warmth rushed through JJ and she didn’t want Emily to leave.

“I know it’s late and we both have work tomorrow but if you want, we could go over some protocols, so you’re prepared?” JJ’s voice returned. Emily immediately accepted. Grateful for the help and getting to know the blonde was a bonus.

When the two women entered the office, JJ switched on the lights and took a seat at her desk. JJ’s office was smaller than Hotch’s but was still fairly spacious. There was enough room for a large desk covered with case files, organised into specific categories. There was a small sofa opposite to her desk and a random chair near the window of her office.

“You can just grab that chair and put it here.” She said, gesturing to a spot next to her chair. Emily did as she was told. The women were both content with the closeness they were to one another, but neither was going to admit that. Emily listened attentively to every word that was coming out of the younger woman’s delicate lips as she explained the procedures and protocols of the BAU.

“One final thing – always have a go-bag. Keep it at your desk. You never know when you might have to leave. We normally get less than an hour’s notice.” JJ said while she was tidying a section of case files on her desk and Emily was studying her surroundings, trying her hardest not to glance at JJ. She didn’t want to get caught staring.

Emily turned to face JJ while JJ turned to face Emily. This caused their arms to brush against each other. JJ let out a small gasp that Emily barely heard but this caught her attention and she couldn’t take her eyes off her. Emily looked from JJ’s ocean like eyes to her slightly parted inviting lips. It took everything in Emily not to kiss her. The older of the two found the strength to look away.

“JJ thanks so much for your help! I have no idea what I’d do without you.” Both women then left the office ignoring the tension between them. Emily and JJ then walked out of the building and towards the metro. They walked side by side, their hands occasionally brushing against each other but neither of them moved apart.

Once at the metro they parted ways as they were heading in different directions.

“It was really great to meet you Emily. You’re gonna do great, I know it. The team’s lucky to have you.” JJ reached out her hand and placed it comfortably on Emily’s arm.

The reassurance caused Emily to feel overwhelmed. She wasn’t used to this. She wasn’t quite sure why her words meant so much, but they did. Before Emily had even realised what she was doing, she pulled the other woman into her arms. Emily held JJ tightly while JJ automatically soothed her by drawing circles with her fingers on her back. Both women sighed gently at the contact. They only released each other as their embrace had started drawing attention.

“Oh. I’m really sorry. I don’t quite know why I did that I uh – “Emily trailed off.

JJ started laughing which was one of the most beautiful things Emily had ever heard.

“Don’t worry about it. I think I needed that just as much as you did. See you tomorrow Prentiss!”. Emily waved and stood still until the blonde was out of sight and then headed to catch her train. She overheard an elderly couple talking about them.

“What a lovely couple! I wonder how long they’ve been together.” The older woman said nudging her husband in the direction of Emily.

Emily carried on walking, unable to hear the rest of the conversation. She started picturing her and JJ together and couldn’t stop her lips curling upwards. She got on her train and once she was sat down, she shook her head hoping that would remove the thoughts of JJ as she knew they would never be together. However, during her journey home JJ never left her thoughts for even a second.

/+/+/+/+/

Emily got into work early as she wanted to read over some notes from yesterday that JJ had given her. She had taken JJ’s advice and brought her go-bag which she placed under her desk. Emily sat at her desk wearing a stripy light blue and white shirt accompanied with a black blazer and black slacks. She studied her desk and noticed some of her stationary had been moved. Last night she had left her desk neat and ordered. She moved the notepad back to its usual place and, to her surprise, noticed a sticky note had been hidden underneath.

_Hope you have a great first day. If you need anything let me know. JJ._

Her fingers traced JJ’s writing, following the curve of every letter. JJ probably did this for every new agent, but it still felt special for Emily. She hoped that this was a sign that they were going to be friends. She couldn’t wish for more than that. She was surprised at how quickly she had actually fallen for JJ, but she was sure that these were just placebo feelings and they would pass in time. Emily took the note and placed it in one of desk drawers to keep it safe. She looked over to JJ’s office, but it appeared empty.

“Morning Prentiss.” JJ had snuck up behind Emily which made her jump a little which caused JJ to smile while the woman with her glanced at JJ before smirking. “This is Penelope Garcia, our technical analyst.” Before Emily turned her attention to Garcia she took in the sight of JJ. The blonde looked just as beautiful as she did yesterday, as she probably did every day. She was wearing a brown long-sleeved top with gray checked slacks which fitted her perfectly.

“Great to meet you.” Emily held out her hand which Garcia took.

“I’ve heard lots about you, sweetness.”

Emily was taken aback by this statement. Before she could ask what she had heard, no doubt from JJ, JJ told them to go to the conference room as they had an urgent case. Emily sat in the conference room with JJ, Penelope and was introduced to Doctor Spencer Reid. Emily took her seat which was next to Reid and opposite to Garcia. JJ walked around and started placing case files at each part of the table for each person as Agent Hotchner walked in with Agent Gideon and Agent Morgan behind him.

“Everybody, meet Agent Prentiss.” Hotchner introduced Emily to the remaining agents.

“We met yesterday. I’ve been filling her in on protocol.” JJ said looking at Emily the whole time. Emily swore that she saw the corners of JJ’s lip slide upwards.

“Derek Morgan.” Emily stands to meet him and shakes his hand.

“Emily Prentiss.” She states awkwardly as Hotchner had already announced her name.

“We can make nice later. What do we know?” Hotch interrupts as he chooses his seat – the head of the table. Gideon was sat next to Emily and Morgan sat in-between Hotch and Garcia.

“The DEA raided what they thought was a hardened meth lab right here in northern Virginia. But they found this instead.” JJ announced while showing photos of the bomb equipment on the screen. While Emily was analysing the photos, she noticed Gideon’s eyes widen.

“That could be a dispersal device for a chemical weapon. Sophisticated.” Morgan added.

“Homeland security’s thinking al Qaeda.” JJ told the group.

“They’ve developed devices that span the spectrum of sophistication, some as simple as soda bottles and paint cans.” Reid shared some of his knowledge. Emily was now noticing Reid and understood why he was at the BAU.

“They’re called al ikhterra.” Emily added simply, pronunciation perfect. She wanted to make a contribution to the group to demonstrate her use to the team. “Literally the invention.” As she said this Gideon looked up from where he was taking notes – he was taken aback that Prentiss knew this.

“They are.” Reid confirmed as some members of the group turned to him to see if what Prentiss had said was accurate. Morgan glances at Emily noting her potential within the group as she was clearly more than just a pretty face.

“Do we know what the biological or chemical agent is yet?” Hotch asked.

“No, not yet.” Morgan answered.

“The cell members bailed out through a tunnel. The DEA recovered a Nextel 2-way and managed to intercept a message.” JJ says as she placed a document on the table between Emily and Hotch. Emily reached out to take a look.

“That’s not the transcript.”

“No, it’s in Arabic.” Emily had instantly recognised the language as soon as she put her eyes on the document.

Emily took a pen that was close to her and used it as a guide as she began to read aloud.

“Uh… ‘Our friends surprised us and eloped.” Emily briefly looked up and saw Garcia’s stunned reaction. “We can no longer wait for the wedding as planned.” Emily could feel Gideon watching her very carefully as his eyes burned into her. “We can deliver our gift at the next crescent.” Pen still in her hand, Emily pulls some of her hair behind her ear. A nervous habit. She knows exactly what this message was suggesting.

Emily looks up from the document to find the whole team staring at her. Reid and Morgan were clearly surprised at her ability to speak fluent Arabic. Penelope was looking at her with a sense of awe as if she was a magician. Gideon and Hotch exchanged looks at one another, communicating in their own way. She felt JJ’s eyes on her but didn’t dare turn around.

“I lived in several middle eastern countries growing up.” Emily simply stated, hoping this would clear everything up without her having to go into any more detail.

“Next crescent?” Gideon asked, focusing his attention on the case which drew everyone’s thoughts away from Emily.

“Muslims sometimes use a lunar calendar. I’d have to look it up-“ Emily hoped she wasn’t overstepping the mark by contributing so much to the group as she was so new to the team but she felt that it was important for her to speak up as she was vaguely familiar with the culture.

As soon as Emily had mentioned the lunar moon, Garcia was already searching on her laptop.

“Next crescent moon is in 2 days.”

“So, whatever they’re attacking, it’s happening in less than 48 hours.” Gideon concluded.

“It sounds like it, sir.” Agreed Emily.

The team had figured out the when, next they were going to figure out the who.

“Payment for the Nextel is linked to this man,” JJ said, then she showed a picture of a man on the screen: “Jind Allah.”

“Literally soldier of god.” Emily, once again, translates.

“That’s pretty poor operational security for a sophisticated plot.” Morgan noted.

“2 months ago, Jind Allah was captured leaving the US using a forged Pakistani passport via Richmond international airport. He’s been held as a ghost detainee in Guantanamo Bay ever since.” JJ informed the team.

“So technically he doesn’t exist.” Garcia made her contribution to the team.

“Soldier of god isn’t a name.” Gideon brought up wanting to the meaning behind why this man had chosen this name and also what his actual name was.

Emily answered a part of Gideon’s thoughts.

“No, it’s most likely a name taken on for the Jihad, meaning struggle. Extremists claim it’s a holy war.”

“Yet the words ‘holy’ and ‘war’ never appear together in the Qur’an.” Mentioned Reid.

“Do we know his real name?” Gideon asked knowing this could be the key to understanding this man.

JJ explained that the CIA had been unsuccessful in finding out any information on the man. From past intercepts he’s known as a recruiter that came to the states to assemble the omega cell, a sleeper cell with an unknown mission. The team sighed as they realised their task was to make the man talk and that they only have forty-eight hours to do something which the CIA had been unable to do in two months.

The team dispersed from the table to get ready to leave. They left presumably to get their go-bag while Emily just headed to her desk. She sat there wondering if she’d get the go-ahead to join the team for this case. She had felt like she had proven her abilities and shown that she could be a useful addition to this case as she’s able to speak Arabic fluently.

Emily stood up at her desk as she noticed Gideon and Hotch talking. She could tell it was about her by the brief glances both men were giving to her. The two experienced agents were probably debating about whether she could be trusted on the field or not. She could tell that Gideon was weary of her, whereas she felt that Hotch was more likely to give her the opportunity, but he was still apprehensive about her. Emily wanted to show that she was indeed ready for this challenge and so placed her go-bag on her desk in plain sight. She found herself staring at the two men trying to work out who was winning their debate, when Gideon turned to look at her and she away. She didn’t want to seem as if she was eavesdropping or too desperate. Gideon rushed down the stairs carrying a case file to presumably go grab his go-bag. On his way he made a quick stop at her desk.

“Car leaves in 4 minutes.” Those words were all Emily needed to hear.

“Yes, sir.” That was all Emily needed to say and could, otherwise she might not have been able to contain her excitement. She was eager to play her part for the team and was happy and relieved to have been given this chance.

Emily took a deep breath as her lips curved slightly upwards. She gave a reassuring look to Hotch to say thanks for trusting her and having her back. She was not going to let him down. Her black go-bag was thrown over her shoulder and she left her desk walking with a confident gait.

/+/+/+/+/

Emily stepped on the plane and couldn’t believe her eyes. The plane was luxurious and there was so much room. She was unsure where to sit and where the two other men would be sitting. She assumed they’d be discussing the case and so would be sitting together. As she was the first one on the plane, she chose an area with four seats and a table. She sat down next to the window. Reid came and sat next to her and Gideon sat opposite Reid. Soon after take-off Reid and Gideon started playing chess. They hadn’t started discussing the case yet and so Emily wanted to take the opportunity to thank Gideon for trusting her.

“Excuse me, sir. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate – “.

“Do not thank me.” Gideon stated coldly, cutting Emily off abruptly.

“Sir?” She couldn’t keep the confusion out of her voice, and she had become nervous at his tone. Has she fucked up already?

“It’s not a favour.”

“Of course. I know that.” Emily said with a nervous laugh, trying to move the conversation on.

“You’re coming to do a job.” Gideon explained simply.

Emily didn’t have the guts to say anything else, so she just nodded her head. Maybe she should just not say anything on the rest of the flight unless she was asked. She wondered if she had lost Gideon’s trust, assuming she even had it in the first place. At least now she had realised that Gideon was all about work, no need for personal talk. Emily and Reid looked awkwardly at each other. He gave her a sympathetic look. Maybe she wasn’t the first one to have done this.

“Do you think the interrogation of Jind Allah will work in time?” Emily was grateful for Reid making the conversation work related.

“Interrogation’s the most dynamic form of profiling.” Was all that Gideon said.

“That’s not an answer.” Fuck. Emily shut up. The words had left her mouth before her brain could stop them. Gideon turned to look at her. “Sir.”

Awkward silence filled the air. Emily had overstepped. Again. They weren’t even off the plane yet, she just hoped she’d have a job at the end of the day.

“He’s been locked away in Gitmo. He doesn’t know we raided the cell’s safe house. That’s an advantage for us.” Emily nodded her head as Gideon explained. “The main thing is to get him talking about anything. Then his language and body movements will betray him.”

  
Emily watched silently as Gideon and Reid continued to play chess. Gideon quickly took his turn and started speaking as Reid was beginning to take his turn.

“It’s like this – you just focus on the way your opponent holds his piece. How quickly and firmly he places it. Then you watch his face and body. It’ll telegraph a player’s strategy, his training, maybe his motivations.”

“Is that what you need us to do?” Emily intrigued, wanting to understand exactly what she was required to do.

“No. I need you to listen.”

Emily nodded, slightly unsure of herself. Gideon noted her apprehension and decided to go into more detail. He didn’t mind explaining himself as Prentiss was a new agent but his main reason for it was because he knew that she could be vital for this case, but it was important that she was calm. Her eagerness would just lead to mistakes and they couldn't afford that. Gideon wasn’t overly political but he was aware of Ambassador Prentiss and he wasn’t a fan of her ideologies and so he was skeptical of Emily’s appearance at the BAU and what her motivation was. However, he was surprised as soon as he had met the woman as she was strikingly opposite in comparison to her mother.

“You’re fluent in Arabic. I won’t know the nuances like you. Every word, every phrase. Be on the lookout for subtext, ulterior meanings.” For the first time since she stepped on the plane, she felt comfortable. She knew her task, knew what was required of her. She was confident with Arabic and her abilities to do what was needed of her.

“What do you want me to do?” Reid asked.

“I want you to watch for tells. Non-verbals, micro-expressions. Watch him when he’s comfortable and relaxed, then note the behavioural changes when he’s under stress.” Gideon then shifted slightly to address them both. “If we can establish a baseline, we’ll be able to read him once I challenge his belief systems. Before I can get him to give up where or how they’ll attack, I’ll first have to cause him to reveal something about himself.” Emily and Spencer looked at each other and nodded. They were confident in each other’s abilities and were comfortable working with one another.

“Game over.” Gideon said, breaking the comfortable silence that had formed.

“What are you talking about?” Reid asked confused.

“Gitmo’s runway is perpendicular to Cuban airspace, so approaching aircraft have to negotiate a last minute 90-degree right turn in order to land. They call it the Gitmo twist.”

Reid looked flabbergasted. “I was winning.” Spencer sighed as he was about to beat the older agent for the first time. Emily, however, was about to burst his bubble.

“Actually, he would have had you in 3.”

Emily can tell Reid is doubting her words as he looks unsure at Gideon but from his face Reid could tell that Emily was right and looked at her briefly in wonder. Reid noted that he should challenge Prentiss to a game of chess one day – once he had practiced a bit more.

/+/+/+/+/

The three agents departed the plane and were led into a workspace.

“You must be the BAU boys.” Emily had to bite her tongue to not say something. “And gal. Pardon me.”

Gideon, Reid and Prentiss introduced themselves to the man in front of them, Andy Bingman – the intelligence supervisor at Gitmo.

“You guys having a hard time getting Jind Allah to talk?” Gideon asked getting straight to the point.

“Not only that, we can’t get him to budge, but two weeks ago, word got out that one of the other detainees was spilling secrets.” As they were talking, they walked into the next room where they could see cameras of Jind Allah in the adjacent room. This is where Reid and Emily would be spending most of time. “Jind Allah managed to have a minute conversation with him in the shower line. That night, the other detainee committed suicide.” Emily went to say something but decided against it.

Instead she put all her attention on the monitors and studied the man. “He’s reciting the Qur’an from memory. He’s most likely a Hafez.”

“He must have done it a dozen times since he’s come to this facility.” Bingman informed the team.

“Some Muslim children are able to do it since age 12.” Reid inputted.

“Two months of interrogation and that’s all the CIA’s been able to get out of him.”

Reid began studying the man, moving closer to the monitor. He noted that there were cuts and bruises under his right eye socket. Gideon questioned about the tactics that the CIA were using on Jind Allah as this was going to be important in how to gain the man’s trust.

“Let the interrogation proceed normally. I’m going to interrupt and demand they stop harassing him.” Gideon instructed.

“Maybe I should tell them in advance?”

“No, it’s better if they don’t expect it.”

“The reaction will be more visceral, more believable.” Reid added, explaining the reasoning behind Gideon’s plan.

The interrogation went ahead as planned and the four agents watched as it unfolded.

“Are you really gonna put a show on for these guys?”

“No, not for them. For Jind Allah. He needs to see me as a complete contrast to what he’s come to expect from his captors.” Emily nodded, understanding completely what Gideon was explaining.

“It’s the best way to jump start him into talking. We have less than 36 hours.” Emily mentioned their remaining time with the hope the agent would then trust their plan and leave them to it. He did just that. Before Gideon left with the agent to meet Jind Allah, he wanted to make sure that Reid and Prentiss were ready and both agents agreed that they were.

Emily and Reid sit down at their desk with the monitors in front of them. They watched carefully as Gideon entered the room with Jind Allah. Reid began scribbling down notes.

“He stopped his recitation. He’s sizing Gideon up.” Emily noted.

Reid’s phone went off which made Emily jump slightly as she was focused on the monitor. From the tone in Reid’s voice Emily could tell something was off. Reid told Emily that Morgan had been on the phone and that it seemed that the cell was planning on weaponizing anthrax. If Reid was concerned, then Emily should be concerned.

“Could they get enough anthrax?”

“The letter sent to senator Tom Daschle’s office in 2002 only contained two grams of purified spores, enough to kill twenty-five million people if effectively distributed.”

“Oh.” This shocked Emily. She hadn’t considered how deadly such minute traces of anthrax could be.

Due to the potential involvement of anthrax the stakes were even higher. Emily turned her attention to the task she was brought here to do. She remembered Gideon’s words and listened carefully to the suspect talk.

“He’s from Egypt. Cairo.”

“You sure?” Reid looked up from his notes. Emily began to doubt herself.

“No, he could be Yemeni, but odds are he’s Egyptian.” Emily leaned closer to the monitor, listened again and decided to trust her instincts. Emily picks up the walkie-talkie that was on the desk. Its use was for Reid or Prentiss to tell Gideon their observations so he could use the information when interrogating.

“Sir, he was born and raised in Egypt. They pronounce ‘J’ sounds as a ‘G’." Emily added her reasoning to convince herself more than Gideon. She gave herself a small smile and Reid looked at her impressed as Jind Allah confirmed that he was Egyptian. Emily turned to look at Reid and within seconds both of their faces returned to their neutral professional expressions and they returned to studying the man on the monitor. Emily noticed that Gideon was trusting her as he began to mention things that she had profiled for Jind Allah as he also confirmed that he was Hafez by the age of 9.

Reid’s phone rang and this time it was JJ calling. She informed them about the developments on the case. Garcia and JJ had intercepted some cryptic messages from the cell and located a backup location where the explosives may be kept.

Gideon had been making progress with the suspect and he had begun to open up about his childhood. Emily and Spencer phoned Garcia to try to verify the things Gideon had been told which might then lead to them identifying their suspect. Reid explained that they needed to verify a bombing in Egypt around thirty years ago. This wasn’t going to be easy for Garcia, but she was always up for the challenge.

Gideon allowed Jind to pray and left the room to discuss the case’s progression with Reid and Prentiss. Once again, Reid’s phone rang again which he swiftly answered.

“You got Gideon, Prentiss, and me.”

“It’s Hotch. We’re at cell location two. No cell members, no lab, no dispersal devices. We’re still looking for escape tunnels.”

Gideon told Hotch to call them back if they found anything new. The three agents then discussed their next move. It didn’t take long for them to realise what they needed to do.

“We’re running out of time. The attack’s supposed to take place in less than twenty-four hours.” Reid reminded the group.

“So, getting Jind Allah to talk is our only chance of finding them.” Emily concluded.

“Time I confronted him with the truth.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Show him my hand.” Gideon answered her question as he was walking towards the room where the suspect was being held.

Gideon walked into the room and told Jind about the omega cell raid. Initially he was expecting him to be upset or uncomfortable but that wasn’t the case. Reid who was analysing body language noticed this and reached for the walkie-talkie.

“Something’s wrong. His hands. Gideon, something’s wrong. This guy seemed relieved by what you just told him.”

Gideon heard what Reid said and excused himself calmly. He left the room and pulled out his phone to immediately call Hotch.

“What’s the problem?” Hotch said as he answered the phone.

“Get everybody out of there. Now! Now! Now!” The urgency in full force in Gideon’s voice as he shouted into the phone.

Hotch’s voice could be heard from the phone as he yelled about the trap. A few seconds later the sounds of an explosion and screams could be heard.

/+/+/+/+/

Emily’s face went ashen. Did she just hear Hotch die?

“We need to call him back right now!” Emily’s voice was filled with panic which she knew was the last thing the team needed but she couldn’t help it. She cleared her throat to control her emotions. “We need to… Uh, know what happened so we can let Jind know and gage his reaction.” This time Emily spoke clearly and calmly.

Gideon took her advice and phoned Hotch back. The conversation was very brief, but their most pressing questions were answered. They were right about the trap which was rigged to explode causing a SWAT agent to be killed. Thankfully, anthrax wasn’t used this time but that just meant that the second location wasn’t their final target.

Gideon explained to Jind what had happened, and he showed no remorse, he strongly believed in what he was doing. He had no sympathy for the agent that was killed which he justified because of the death of his son.

“His son?” Emily said surprised.

“Did you see that? When he told the story about his childhood, the bomb landing in the bazaar, his behaviour changed.”

“We know he was lying. Garcia couldn’t find any record of a bombing during the time Jind Allah was a boy.”

“Exactly, but this time when he mentioned his son, he looked at his hands, like he had to concentrate to control his anger.”

“That first story wasn’t about him. It was about his son.”

“Which means it must have been more recent.”

Emily and Reid had been bouncing their ideas off each other and they were making progress. Reid phoned Garcia and she answered within seconds. Reid asked her if she could look for a bombing again but this time within the last ten years. Garcia had found a bombing that occurred seven years ago in Cairo involving conspiracy theories that it was a joint US/Israeli strike that went astray which had civilian casualties including an eight-year-old boy named Amir Abaza. They had then found the ghost detainee’s name: Jamal Abaza. While Reid was telling Gideon about the detainee’s real identity, Garcia discovered more information regarding Abaza. She found out that Abaza volunteered as the prison iman and he must have recruited militant Islamic society members. This led then to come to the conclusion that they’re looking at home grown terrorists.

Gideon rushed over to a nearby room to inform the CIA agents about Jamal Abaza. Emily mentioned that the cell that Abaza had put together had access to anthrax and that they couldn’t find any reports of any going missing within the states. They needed information but they didn’t have access due to protocols. They needed to all work together as the CIA had the ability to break through the protocols. Agent Gideon had thought of an idea to trick Abaza and as he was leaving, he pleaded with the CIA agents to coordinate with Agent Jareau and Penelope Garcia.

The three agents headed back to the room that had become their workspace. Reid studied the monitor and made an observation to the other two agents.

“He seems much calmer than he was yesterday. May make any reading of his body language less accurate.”

“I know.” Gideon simply said.

“Is that what we want?” Emily asked, concerned that they might not be able to stop the attack in time.

“I hope so.”

“Well, isn’t that the exact opposite of- “ Emily stops when she notices that Gideon has already left and is going back to the interrogation room. Emily then turns to Spencer, hoping for some reassurance.

“He hopes so? We have less than ten hours before the new crescent moon rises.”

“9.” Reid corrects Emily which causes her to sigh.

“Aren’t you worried?” She needed to know that feeling these things were normal and didn’t make her weak. Reid told her that he wasn’t worried because he had been working with Gideon long enough to trust and that soon she would be the same way.

This was there last chance to uncover the location of the attack. The three agents, along with the rest of the team, had come up with a plan. Gideon and Reid started their ruse and Emily was there as they played the fake footage to trick their suspect. Emily couldn’t hide her horror as she watched the footage knowing that if this didn’t work that could become their reality. She noticed that he was falling for the ruse which made Emily feel slightly more at ease. Abaza was shouting, he was furious. Emily was lying in wait for him to make a mistake.

“And maybe the next time a giant shopping centre opens –“ Emily didn’t need to hear the rest. Those were the words she had been dying to hear. She immediately left the doorway to tell the others followed by Gideon.

Instead of going through her contacts she dialed JJ’s number from memory. She hadn’t memorized the number because her and JJ had spoken a lot on the phone, it was more because Emily had wanted to. She had lost count of the amount of times she had almost called the blonde just to say hi so she could hear her voice. JJ’s voice was the most incredible sound she had ever heard – better than her favourite song. It was as if JJ’s tone was exactly what Emily needed to hear - no matter what emotion Emily was feeling.

JJ answered along with Garcia. Emily told the women the information they had gotten out of Abaza and hoped that an hour was enough time to stop the attack from going to fruition. The three agents at Gitmo were waiting for news to see if Morgan and Hotch had been successful in foiling the plot. Emily’s phone suddenly rang. It was JJ.

“They did it! Hotch and Morgan managed to stop them in time. Nobody was hurt. You guys can fly back now.” The mixture of relief and happiness was clear in her voice which caused Emily to feel the same emotions. The three agents gathered their bags and headed back to their jet.

/+/+/+/+/

They had the same seating arrangement as the flight there and similarly Reid and Gideon were playing chess. The rematch was tense with Reid determined to win this time. Emily wasn’t entirely sure if she should break the silence, but she had questions regarding the case she wanted to ask Gideon. She knew that he would be happy to, especially if he could give her any insights which might help her improve at the BAU. She waited for him to take his turn before curiousity got the better of her.

“When did you know you were gonna have to trick him?”

“The first time I talked to him.”

“You realised you couldn’t break him?”

“I realised he was too smart to have had that Nextel phone registered to him accidentally.” Reid had taken his move and focused his attention on the older agent. “He drew us there; he wanted our presence at Gitmo to confirm that he was successful.”

“And that’s when you started moving up the time of his prayers.” Emily says with a slight smirk at Gideon’s genius. She was beginning to understand his tactics and could already predict that he was going to be an inspiring mentor.

“If I’d used an actual clock, he might have caught on.” Emily smiled in admiration at the older agent. The rumours were true – he really is one of the best.

“So, it was all a chess game.” Reid pondered, as it was once again his next move.

“We won this round…” As Gideon spoke, a smile etched with relief appeared on Emily’s lips. “But you heard him. Jihad never ends.” The relief disappeared.

Gideon briefly contemplated his next move before declaring checkmate. Emily turned to see Reid’s face as he lost at chess once again.

“I quit. Yield. Surrender. Capitulate. I’m gonna take a nap.” She has to stifle her laugh at Spencer’s childish outburst. Reid then leaves his seat next to Emily and moves to the sofa opposite to the two agents.

“Prentiss. You play?”

“Yes, sir, I play.” Emily refused to hide her smile. She was overjoyed that Gideon was including her. This moment was going to stay with her for a very long time. She had never felt acceptance like this before and she secretly wished for many more moments like these.

As Gideon began setting up the board, Emily moved to Reid’s vacant seat and helped with the chessboard. They began playing the game and either of them could win. Each piece was carefully placed and neither opponent was going easy. The game was nearing its conclusion and it was Emily’s turn to make a move. She took a few extra seconds, not because she was unsure of her next move but because she could potentially win the game. She double checked she wasn’t imagining it and made her move.

Emily let out a devilish laugh as she had managed to beat Gideon which startled Reid awake. She cut her laugh off and felt embarrassed. Gideon, however, didn’t seem to mind and told Reid all about the twists and turns of their chess game.

As they were leaving the plane Gideon praised the two younger agents and told them to get some rest due to the hectic, stressful case. He didn’t need to tell Emily twice. She had planned to change into her comfiest clothes and read her favourite book while listening to classical music. The combination of these things was a great de-stresser for her.

Her phone beeped after leaving the plane and she was curious to see who would be messaging her. To her surprise, a nice surprise, it was from JJ.

_First cases are always tough, especially one like this. If you need to talk, you can call me anytime._

Emily wore a soft smile. She couldn’t understand why she had these feelings, but she didn’t want to fight them. She was curious to know what would happen if she stopped fighting. When she arrived home, she got changed into pajamas but instead of reaching for a book, she grabbed her phone and rang her favourite blonde. She never did get to read her book as she spent hours talking to JJ. They talked about anything and everything apart from work. Emily had learnt all about JJ’s favourite things and she hated to admit it, but she thought she was falling in love with her.


	3. Sex, Birth, Death

The case they were currently working was tough. A serial killer targeting prostitutes and their most likely suspect was a teenage boy. The boy had reached out to Reid for help, so he was taking this hard. Gideon was focusing on giving the boy the help he had asked for while the rest of the team wanted to find the unsub, whether that was proving that the boy was innocent or not.

Emily got called into work two hours early as another body had been discovered. She quickly grabbed her grey turtleneck and black slacks from her wardrobe to get dressed. 

Another woman dead. A life she couldn’t save. The team got updated on the developments of the case and they all got to work with their own tasks. Morgan and Hotch were going to go to the crime scene; Prentiss and Reid were going to be working over the notes they already had, looking for connections, from their workspace; JJ was preparing a press release; and Garcia was going to be working her magic.

Reid and Prentiss went and sat at their table covered in case files. Even though JJ was working on a different task the pair invited her to sit with them. Even though JJ was the Communications Liaison, she sometimes gave insightful ideas when working on cases, so the other agents were more than happy for her to work alongside them.

“Prentiss, can I have a word in my office?” Hotch approached Emily just before leaving for the field, as her, Reid and JJ were looking over notes and thinking about how to handle the press.

Emily followed Hotch to his office.

“Have a seat. I don’t appreciate being questioned in front of other agents.” Hotch got straight to the point as soon as she sat down. Emily was taken aback at Hotch’s abruptness. Ever since the attempted terror attack on that shopping centre, Hotch had seemed to have her back.

“It was not my intention. I’m sorry.” Emily was genuinely sorry. She admired Hotch as a boss and mentor, so she didn’t want to get on the wrong side of him.

“What were you talking to Congresswoman Steyer about the other day?” Hotch tried to keep the accusation out of his voice but his body language gave him away.

“She stopped by to say hello. She worked with my mother, so I’ve known her since I was a kid.” Emily stated simply, innocence in her tone.

“Did you tip her off about this case?” Hotch’s voice had gone cold.

“No.” Emily had to focus a lot of her energy to stay calm. It was important for her to not raise her voice, so it’d stay even. The last thing she wanted was an argument with her boss.

“This team can’t function if I don’t trust the people on it.” The coldness was gone from his voice. It was almost like he was a parent talking to their child; they weren’t angry, just disappointed.

“Sir, if I touched a nerve out there today, I’m sorry, but I don’t deserve this.” She knew that Hotch was stressed out with this case as he had been put under a lot of pressure which he didn’t deserve but she wasn’t going to be his scapegoat. She may have been slightly out of line, but her sole interest was in solving this case.

“You mysteriously showed up at the BAU after one of my team members was involved in a questionable shooting.” Hotch’s tone was becoming more hostile.

“Right.” Emily’s voice was barely a whisper. She wanted to argue her case that she deserved to be here, that she fitted in well with the team, but it would’ve fallen on deaf ears. She feared that this could cause Hotchner to become belligerent and fire her on the spot.

“You’ve done good work; I’m not questioning that. But I will not put up with a political agenda.” Once again, the hostility left his voice and it became softer, returning to his neutral tone.

Emily thought for a moment before replying. She couldn’t just stand idly by. Emily Prentiss was not a quitter; she was not just going to take this. She had fought too hard to just accept this. Temptation crossed her mind as she wondered whether she should tell Hotch her true feelings towards her mother. Even though he didn’t trust her, she trusted him. He was insinuating that her mother had led to her transfer but as far as she was aware that was absolutely not the case.

“My mother’s a career politician. You worked with her. Did you like her?” Emily was baiting Hotchner.

“She’s an impressive woman.” Emily sighed loudly. She could take that as a no. However, nobody would ever admit to it. They always deflected. Never said yes or no. She realised the only way to get through to Hotch was to be honest. 

“Well, I think politics makes people distrustful. I think it makes them hate themselves. I think it tears families apart and damages people. So, if there’s nothing else, I would like to get back out on the street and find out who’s killing these women. Sir.” She contemplated adding the sir at the end, but she decided to still be respectful to him as he was someone she respected. She’d hope that now he would learn to trust and respect her.

Emily didn’t wait for him to answer. She stepped up from the chair and walked out. She was upset, furious, confused. She thought she had proven herself to be trustful. The striking contrast between Emily and her mother was obvious, so why hadn’t Hotch seen that? Hate’s a very strong word, one Emily didn’t use it often, but she hated her parents. Her mother, in particular, had caused her so many issues growing up. She had been taught to hate herself and that she wasn’t good enough. Growing up, it was forced upon her that she should be her mother’s clone. Something she could never accept. No amount of therapy could free her completely of that mindset.

There was nowhere else for Emily to go apart from returning to the table. She walked briskly trying not to draw any attention to herself. When Emily sat back down JJ gave her a worried look which was only there for a second before Spencer would notice. Emily gave JJ a small smile as it was all she could muster, hopefully reassuring her that everything was fine.

The three agents were working through their tasks then Spencer left to grab some coffees for them. Emily continued looking thoroughly through the case files, noting down any significant details she found. She noticed from the corner of her eye that occasionally JJ would lower the document that she was reading to study her. After the third time, Emily was getting slightly annoyed. She felt bad but she didn’t have time to decompress.

“What?” Emily had caught JJ in the act.

JJ blushed and tried to look away, but she couldn’t. She shrugged her shoulders then went back to her case file which seemed _very_ interesting. She stared at the document for three seconds before she let out a sigh and returned her document to the table.

“What’s wrong? Don’t be offended by Hotch. He upsets everyone at least once. He takes everything so much more seriously than it’s needed to be but that’s just because he wants the best out of us.”

“It’s just I thought he had my back but now I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be here. I don’t really know how to fix it.”

JJ gave her a sympathetic look and Emily didn’t want her pity. She cursed herself for letting her emotions get the best of her. She didn’t want to appear weak but right now she was. JJ leaned in close to Emily and debated about putting her arm on her shoulder to comfort her, but she changed her mind as she reached her arm out.

“Everything will work out, Emily. You’ve proven yourself here. You’re a valuable member of the team. Hotch is under pressure but once that’s gone, he’ll be back to his usual self.” JJ’s voice was so reassuring Emily couldn’t help but be persuaded. She was about to say thanks to JJ, once again, for helping her, but she became mesmerised when JJ started talking again.

“But we definitely need to take your mind off it.” There was a sly tone to her voice. “How about you join me and Penelope for a couple of drinks tonight?”

“I’m not sure, JJ. I don’t wanna bring the mood down or anything.”

“Oh, sorry. I forgot to say: you don’t get a choice! Also, Emily Prentiss being a downer? I do not believe that for a second.” JJ’s eyes looked her slowly up and down. “Yeah, you’re definitely fun.” She said with a smirk.

Emily let out a laugh and leaned in close to JJ. They looked at each other and got lost in each other’s eyes for a few seconds.

“You have no idea.” Emily whispered playfully into JJ’s ear.

JJ looked astonished which left Emily _very_ amused. Wait a minute. Was she flirting with JJ at work? Did JJ flirt back? Emily pulled back, making sure to put a generous distance between them.

“So, uh, drinks definitely happening?” JJ questioned.

“Yeah, I guess I could use some vodka.” Emily joked.

“No! Vodka isn’t allowed anymore. Only tequila or wine.”

“Why no vodka?”

“It’s a long story involving Garcia and her hacking skills.”

The two women gave each other all-knowing looks and decided to get back to work after their little break. Before JJ got back to work, she took out her phone.

“I’m gonna let Garcia know about tonight so you can’t back out. Pinky promise?” Emily couldn’t help but smile. It was genuine and sweet. Both women reached out their hands and their pinkies curled round the other one. Their fingers were comfortable so close to each other and their skin was so soft, it felt like silk. It was such a sublime feeling.

JJ was messaging Penelope when Reid returned with their coffee. He apologised for the delay but neither women were bothered by it. The coffee was well received, and the three agents felt re-energised and worked through their tasks with some new enthusiasm.

/+/+/+/+/

They finally found their break after checking through Prentiss and Morgan’s notes when they previously interviewed witnesses and potential future victims, as they were able to complete their profile. Reid and Prentiss decided that they needed to update Hotch and pitch an idea that Emily was convinced that he wouldn’t like. It was likely that the unsub had a link to politics. Emily knew Hotch was stressed and his job was potentially on the line, so he felt like he had to obey the Congresswoman, but she also knew how dedicated he was to his work and so would not let a case go unsolved to follow a political agenda.

Hotch was back in his office and so Prentiss, along with Reid, went to him to explain their profile and how it could be vital to tell the Congresswoman the profile. Hotchner thought about what the two agents had said, and he knew that they were right. He agreed with their idea which ended up leading them to identifying their unsub.

The unsub was apprehended, and the case was finally over. Emily was relieved. The team had returned and were free to go home. The agents were finishing up with their paperwork and were gathering their things to go home. In the distance, Emily could hear Reid and Morgan arguing over where they going to get dinner which made her smile. Their friendship was so strong, and Emily loved to see it. Emily was heading out, thinking about what she was going to wear tonight when she bumped into Hotch.

“Emily, can I have a quick word?” She instantly noted the use of first name, rather than the professional Prentiss.

The two went into Hotch’s office, once again. Emily was hoping that this conversation wouldn’t end so badly.

“I was unfair to you today. I shouldn’t have been.” This was as close to an apology as Emily was going to get.

“I understand, sir. I don’t quite understand how I got here, but I’m glad I am. I can assure you that my parents had nothing to do with this. I wouldn’t let them. I hope you can see that I’m nothing like my mother, and don’t want to be.”

Emily wondered if she had said too much, but from Hotch’s face she could tell that she hadn’t. He had a look of understanding on his face which Emily didn’t really expect. Their looks at one another left not much to say.

“You’re a good agent, Prentiss. I’m glad you’re here too.”

“I appreciate that, sir.”

The two agents now had an understanding. Emily felt a weight lifted off her shoulders and was now actually looking forward to her drinks with the girls. She finally felt that her life on going right for once and she didn’t think much could spoil it.

/+/+/+/+/

Emily looked good in red. She wore a tight red dress that fitted her perfectly in all the right places. She wanted to look good. Emily hated to admit it, but she wanted to impress JJ. She had dreamed that JJ would see her all dressed up and fall in love with her, but she had to be realistic. If she told herself enough times that the reason she was dressing up was to feel good then maybe she'd believe it. It was for her, not for JJ.

She admired herself in the mirror and she felt incredible. She was slightly worried that she would turn up to Penelope’s overdressed. Her anxiety got the best of her and she phoned JJ to check the dress code.

“What are you wearing?” Emily asked quickly without greeting JJ but then panicked after realising the connotation of that question. “Tonight! What are you wearing tonight?” Emily flushed at the sound of JJ’s laugh.

“Well, Prentiss, what are you wearing?” Emily was captivated by emphasis of the s when JJ spoke teasingly.

“That’s a surprise. I just don’t want to overdress.” If JJ was going to tease, Emily was more than happy to tease back.

“No problem. If you want to dress fancy, go for it! Garcia and I would be more than happy to join you.”

After the go-ahead to dress up, Emily started getting ready. She didn’t often wear make-up, but she wanted to make that extra effort. For herself, of course. Next, she curled her hair, so it morphed into mountains of angry waves. She opted to match her red dress with some red heels. She checked herself again in the mirror to analyse her entire outfit. She looked stunning and she actually felt beautiful. It was weird to see herself smiling but she liked it; she thought it suited her.

Penelope didn’t live too far from Emily, so she just decided to walk there. The cold air pierced through her skin, so she hugged her black jacket tighter. She felt the warmth wrap around her and smiled at the comfortable safe feeling. She got buzzed into Penelope’s apartment building and approached her door. Before she had even had a chance to knock the door swung open.

“Well hello there, Agent Prentiss. Welcome to my humble abode!” greeted Garcia, stepping aside to let the other woman in.

Emily stepped into her apartment and was taken aback by the colourful walls and the knick knacks around the flat. It was so _Penelope_. She let her eyes wander until they landed on something truly remarkable.

JJ was wearing a low-cut blue dress that beautifully matched her eyes. Her hair was slightly curled and fitted her face perfectly. She had definitely taken Emily’s breath away. Emily knew she should look away. But she couldn’t. It was like JJ had put her in a trance and she wasn’t quite sure how to get out of it.

“Can I take your coat?” Penelope’s voice was able to get attention away from JJ momentarily.

Her eyes found JJ once again and JJ watched intently as Emily slowly took off her jacket. The two blonde women gasped at the sight of Emily.

“Aw Emily! You look so gorgeous!” Penelope gushed.

Emily felt slightly embarrassed by Garcia’s admiration and by the fact that JJ’s eyes hadn’t left her, for even a second. Penelope had noted this moment and was debating interrupting. Guilt crossed Emily’s mind at being so selfish for focusing all her attention on JJ. She forced her eyes away from the woman she was falling for and looked towards the woman that was becoming such a caring friend. Penelope was wearing a pink polka dot dress and she looked incredible.

“So, what are we drinking tonight?” She asked Penelope. The eccentric woman let out a devilish laugh.

“Oooh! Well, for starters we’re gonna drink some spirits with mixers, and then we’re going to drink some of my very own famous cocktails.” Emily could tell she was in for a wild night by the way Garcia winked.

“Guess it’s a good thing we don’t have work tomorrow.” Emily said, the other women cheered in agreement as they all laughed.

“Let’s get started ladies!” JJ had finally found her voice.

The three women did just that. Penelope, JJ and Emily started with a pink gin lemonade. JJ made these drinks and they were average strength. It was a good way to start the night.

“Another drink my lovely angels?” Both women eagerly agreed but then hesitated when Penelope got up first to make the drinks. They weren’t sure if they were ready for it. Emily only recently found out from JJ that Penelope was notorious for making strong drinks.

Penelope returned with the drinks and they could tell how strong the drinks were from the smell. Emily took one sip and could barely taste the lemonade. She wasn’t sure if she really wanted to get drunk as drunk Emily Prentiss had no filter at all. As she quickly finished her drink, she realised that she was willing to get drunk as she was comfortable and trusted the two women in front of her.

Three of Penelope’s drinks later and Emily could feel herself becoming tipsy and she decided to embrace it. Penelope was definitely the most sober of the three. Emily pondered if Penelope’s drinks hadn’t been as strong as hers and JJ’s or maybe she could really handle her spirits. Emily was the most drunk with JJ close behind her. The three women had been sitting on Penelope’s sofa, all squished together. JJ was in the middle with the two women on either side of her. Emily was more than happy with the seating arrangement. Penelope stood up to start making her cocktails and even though there was more room on the sofa, JJ didn’t move over.

Meanwhile, Penelope was in the kitchen creating her concoction which consisted of tequila, vodka, rum, pink gin, blue curacao, some lemon and lime, and some more tequila. The two women were getting restless at having to wait the mere ten minutes for Penelope to perfect her drinks.

“What’s your favourite colour?” JJ asked, staring at Emily.

“I’m not sure I even have one, maybe lilac?” Emily responded. She was about to ask what JJ’s was, but the blonde was already asking her another question.

“What’s your favourite flower?”

“I have two. I love orchids and sunflowers. Not just because of how beautiful they are but also because of their meanings.” Emily was surprised at how she was still able to put sentences together.

“I’ll remember that.” JJ murmured which confused Emily.

Emily was eventually able to ask JJ the questions she had been asked. She learnt that her favourite colour was light blue and that her favourite flower was blue hydrangeas, however she also loved forget me nots but they had to be from the right person. The two women had found their rhythm and were asking questions back and forth, learning more and more of each other.

Emily loved learning so much about JJ. She knew that JJ wasn’t just a crush. She was in love with this woman. The thought excited her as much as it terrified her. Emily hadn’t been in love since she was a teenager. Since then she had always forced herself to be emotionally unavailable. Until she met JJ. She couldn’t believe the effect JJ had on her. The thought of JJ not reciprocating the feelings she had for her was heart breaking. She needed to focus on something else or the alcohol would force her feelings to devour her. Emily really wished Penelope would hurry up.

“Hey Pen!” Emily shouted so Penelope could hear her. “These drinks are taking longer to come out than I did!” Just as Emily was speaking Penelope had walked back into the living room carrying three blue drinks on a tray.

“What?” Penelope and JJ said in unison, their surprise evident on their faces.

Suddenly, Emily sobered up with the realisation of what she had just said. Her eyes darted between Penelope and JJ to gage their reactions. She knew that these women would accept her no matter what, but she didn’t want them to change the way they acted around her. These two women were becoming the some of the closest friends she’d ever had, and she didn’t want to lose that.

“I’m not quite sure why I said that. I’m sorry.” Emily said to the women, feeling tears pricking her eyes. JJ and Penelope noticed Emily’s panic-stricken face and rushed over to her.

“Honey, you’ve got nothing to apologise for! Do you want to talk about it?” Penelope said as she hugged her tight. Emily should have known better than to almost cry in front of Penelope Garcia when she was within hugging distance.

“It’s just I’ve not really come out to many people before. I’ve known since I was twelve that I wasn’t into guys but I couldn’t deal with it so throughout my teenage years I forced myself to date some guys, but I couldn’t take it anymore, so I came out to my parents after I graduated from university. Let’s just say it didn’t go well so I hid myself away. Recently, I’m beginning to accept it. I didn’t mean to tell you guys. At least not tonight. I probably would at some point because I do love you guys.” Emily said heartfelt, bringing both JJ and Penelope into a hug.

Penelope embraced Emily’s hug and after a few seconds let go whereas JJ held on for a few extra seconds. She held Emily tighter and whispered in her ear how proud she was of her. Once JJ said that Emily didn’t want to let go. But it wasn’t just the two of them in the room. Emily reluctantly let her go.

“I don’t know if this will be any reassurance to you, but you’re not the only gay on the team.” Penelope said cheekily. Emily was interested. Could she be talking about JJ? “Your favourite technical analyst is pansexual. The team knows and they’re supportive so whenever you’re ready to tell them they’ll have your back. Now, back to drinks!” Emily put her hand on Penelope's shoulder to show the love and appreciation she had for her. The three women then raised their glass, and their drink was gone within the minute. None of the women noticed that Penelope had broken the no vodka rule.

The three women resumed their drinking and they were all tipsy enough where they wanted to dance. Penelope stood up and announced that they all needed music. She put on her cheesiest playlist that she could find. The three women were dancing madly and singing along out of tune. They were well and truly wasted. Due to their drunkenness, they all decided that they needed shots.

Emily didn’t think she could get any more drunk but the shots she drank had other ideas. Her feelings were overwhelming her. The relief of accidentally coming out, the acceptance from her friends which she craved made her feel true happiness and the alcohol was making these feelings a hundred times more intense. After the shots she had taken were kicking in she made a note to cut herself off but whether she would stick to that, she wasn’t sure.

The tables had turned, and the shots had really taken their toll on Penelope. She could barely walk, and this was evident when she stumbled her way to the bathroom. The two remaining women decided to take a seat on Penelope’s sofa to try to clear their heads slightly. Emily got distracted waiting for Penelope to return. She turned to stare at JJ who wasn’t paying attention to her and seemed like she was in her own little world. If Emily moved a few centimetres she would be within touching distance of JJ. To get her attention she poked her arm and burst out laughing. Emily was slowly sobering up, but she was still clearly tipsy. JJ giggled giddily, proving that she was also tipsy, in response to Emily’s touch and turned to pout at her. Emily subconsciously licked her lips. Their eyes found each other again. To Emily, JJ’s eyes felt like home. They made her feel safe. Emily found herself inching closer to the blonde to the point where their limbs were touching. JJ slowly began to lean towards Emily, and she wondered if JJ was leaning in for a kiss. She wanted this. In the morning if JJ regretted it then Emily could downplay it to the fact that they were both drunk. But Emily wasn’t that drunk. She was aware of her actions, and the potential consequences of them. If Emily got to kiss JJ just once, it would be all she needed.

Emily could smell JJ’s sweet, floral perfume as JJ rested her head on her shoulder. The weight of her head on her shoulder was comforting and Emily could happily spend the rest of her night like this.

“You’re comfy. My new favourite pillow, Prentiss.” JJ sighed contently, enjoying the break from drinking. JJ nudged even closer to Emily, moving her head into the crook of the older woman’s neck and wrapping her arms around one of Emily’s arms.

The moment was so peaceful, neither women wanted it to end. Emily could feel JJ’s warm breath of her neck and had to stop herself from trembling. Both women were quiet, taking in the time they shared. Suddenly JJ screamed excitedly as the music changed to the familiar sound of Dancing Queen by ABBA. JJ jumped up from the sofa and started dancing. Emily noted that JJ must not be that drunk anymore with her effortless, precise movements.

“Jen!” Emily whined at the loss of contact from the blonde. Her eyes widened very briefly as she observed that she had used JJ's actual name instead of her nickname - making the moment more personal and intimate. 

“You can dance! You can jive!” JJ sang, this time more in tune. Another sign that she was sobering up.

Emily groaned as JJ forced her up from the sofa so she could join her dancing. The two women began randomly dancing until the song changed and I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner started playing. JJ grabbed Emily and put her hands on the older woman’s waist. Emily automatically put her arms around JJ’s shoulders and the two women swayed in sync with the music.

The two women were too focused on each other that JJ didn’t realise how close she was to the coffee table in front of the sofa. JJ tripped and fell backwards onto the sofa with Emily falling on top of her. They both laughed but neither of them moved. JJ’s hands were still on her waist, held tightly. Emily’s hands were on the sofa to help her balance and once she was stable, she slowly moved one of her hands to JJ’s cheek. It felt so soft and silky. She could feel JJ’s blush sear through her cheek and for a second she thought her face was on fire. JJ’s eyes pierced into Emily’s, whereas Emily’s eyes were looking at JJ’s perfect, parted lips.

Emily slowly leaned forward unsure of herself. JJ didn’t pull away or even flinch as their lips were millimetres apart. The two women’s lips were parted slightly, expecting a kiss, and was waiting for the other to close the distance between them. JJ closed her eyes, followed by Emily, waiting for time to stop in a collision of senses when her lips met JJ's. She felt the blonde’s lips softly brush against hers. Emily wanted to moan but had to stop herself as she didn’t want to spook JJ. They were interrupted before their lips could lock as they both heard the bathroom door unlock. Their eyes flew open and they pulled apart from each other. Emily suddenly felt cold as JJ was no longer wrapped around her.

“Hey Pen, you doing okay?” JJ asking concerned as Penelope reappeared.

“I’m good. Just remind me never to do shots ever again.” The two women promised even though all three women knew this wouldn’t last.

Penelope checked the time and was shocked at how late it was. As she had been dying in the bathroom for some time she felt like a bad host and invited the two women to stay the night, so they didn’t have to walk home through the darkness and freezing cold night air. The two women agreed, appreciating Penelope’s kindness.

Penelope went to sleep in her own room and the two women tucked her in, making sure she was comfortable. They then decided that they’d sleep on the sofa, which just so happened to be a sofa bed. The two women set it up and fetched a duvet from one of Penelope’s cupboards. They climbed in and instantly cuddled one another. Emily had no idea what they were, but she was happy where they were going.

“Em? Are you asleep?” JJ whispered, inches away from her face. Emily shuffled closer which gave JJ her answer. “I had a really good time tonight; we should do it again.”

“Definitely.” Emily whispered back while running her fingers through JJ’s flaxen hair.

JJ found the crook of Emily’s neck and placed one of her hands softly on Emily’s hip while Emily wrapped her arm around JJ’s waist and their legs intertwined.

“Goodnight Em.” JJ said softly, tickling Emily’s neck which sent chills through her body.

“Goodnight Jen.” Emily said as the blonde fell sound asleep. It didn’t take long for Emily to fall asleep to the sound of the soft, calming breaths coming from the blonde.


	4. Profiler, Profiled

Bright, golden sunlight seeped through the purple curtains, lighting up the living room where Emily and JJ slept. The older woman woke up forgetting where she was. She was confused until her eyes had managed to adapt to her surroundings. Her head was aching slightly, and she was desperate for some water; but she refused to move in case she stirred the blonde that was lying in her arms. Jennifer Jareau was soundly asleep in her arms. Emily couldn’t believe that during the night JJ had shuffled in her sleep and found herself in her arms. She didn’t want to let the younger woman go. However, what Emily didn’t know was that JJ awoke in the early hours to get a glass of water. The blonde had managed to untangle herself from Emily and quenched her thirst before returning to the sofa. When she returned, she took a risk and decided to get closer to Emily. She inched closer to the other woman, making sure not to wake her. Her body fitted perfectly against the other woman’s, like a lock and key. JJ wrapped her arms around Emily lightly and sighed contently. The older woman mumbled something incoherently which caused JJ to panic in case she had caused Emily to wake up, but the older woman wrapped her arms around the blonde, so they were holding one another and then she fell back asleep.

Emily took her opportunity to watch JJ sleep. The blonde’s hair covered Emily’s shoulder and if Emily leaned her head down, she could kiss JJ’s forehead. JJ looked like a pretty picture meanwhile Emily was just like an awe-struck observant seeing van Gogh’s The Starry Night for the first time. This was a beautiful moment for Emily, she wasn’t sure if she would ever get this opportunity ever again. Holding Jennifer in her arms was as if all her dreams had come true. Now, all the songs made sense. Emily was in love with being in love for the most part. She loved the yearning; loved being in love with JJ. The only thing she hated about it was the unknown. She had no idea whether JJ ever would, or even could, have feelings for her. Emily was beginning to convince herself that JJ was possibly straight since she hadn’t said anything about it last night whereas Penelope had. If Emily could convince herself that JJ couldn’t have feelings for her, then maybe her feelings for JJ would fade away. However, Emily knew that it wasn’t that simple. Maybe JJ wasn’t ready to say anything to her or to anyone about her sexuality. Emily knew all about that all too well.

She shouldn’t do it. It was a really bad idea. She slowly leaned down and placed a soft kiss on JJ’s forehead as she was still asleep. Emily swore that JJ smiled in her sleep. Maybe she was having a really good dream or maybe she had felt Emily? The kiss meant so much to Emily, she could feel tears clawing at her eyes. The overwhelming feeling of love almost suffocated her, so she moved away from JJ and returned to watching her. She was so caught up in the moment that she hadn’t noticed that Penelope had woken up and was standing in the doorway watching her two friends. Emily wondered how long she had been standing there and what she had witnessed.

“Hey Penelope, how are you feeling?” Emily asked quietly as JJ was still asleep.

“Did the sunlight also burn your retinas or are you good?” Emily had to stifle her laugh in case the vibrations woke up the blonde. “Apart from being angry at the sun, I’m okay. I’ve had worse hangovers.” Penelope spoke coherently and so her hangover was clearly as she described.

“How are you this fine morning, Prentiss?” Garcia asked as she sat down on a chair next to the sofa.

“I’ll be great once I’ve had a glass of water, but I don’t want to wake up sleeping beauty here.” Emily looked down affectionally at JJ. Something that Penelope noticed.

Penelope got up from her chair and fetched her a glass of water. Emily gratefully took the drink and gulped it down. She already felt better. Penelope then announced that she was going for a shower while Emily debated whether to wake JJ up. If Emily’s calculations were correct, then JJ would have had eight hours sleep. As beautiful and peaceful as JJ looked sleeping, Emily decided to wake her up.

Emily began running her fingers through flaxen hair then traced random patterns on the younger woman’s back and then moved lower to her thigh. Emily held her breath as she drew a heart on JJ’s thigh. It was such an intimate gesture. She really wanted to kiss her again, preferably when she was awake and could respond. Emily knew she couldn’t do that though: it wasn’t fair on any of them. But would it be so bad if she kissed her one last time? Yes, it would. Emily sat up and wanted to know if JJ was ticklish, so she decided to wake up the blonde by tickling her. Within a minute of Emily tickling, the quiet room was filled with laughter and pleas to stop. Emily couldn’t help but join in the laughter due to JJ’s infectious laugh.

“Morning sleepyhead.” Emily said in-between laughs. Once JJ’s eyes had adapted to the sunlight JJ turned to stare at Emily.

“Em!” JJ whined. “Why did you wake me up?” JJ batted Emily away playfully but then seemed to regret her decision as she pulled Emily back onto the sofa bed and threw the covers over the two of them. Emily felt nothing but love at this moment.

“It’s eleven, Jen. I thought you wouldn’t be tired, sorry.” She then squeezed the blonde’s shoulder to apologise.

“It’s fine. I just didn’t sleep too well. Also, do you know that you talk in your sleep?” JJ said with a coy smile on her face.

Emily was alarmed. She blushed as she remembered her dream and what she could have potentially said. She had dreamt of a certain blonde. It was so vivid that when she first woke up, she had wondered if her dream had actually happened.

_The two women were walking side by side with their hands brushing against each other at every stride they took. Before they knew it, they had reached Emily’s apartment. The excitement of what could potentially happen made Emily nervous as she rifled through her bag to find her door keys. On her second attempt of searching her bag and she felt the familiar coldness from the metal keys and pulled them out and shakily placed them in the keyhole and twisted. She opened the door, but JJ took control, pushing her inside and slamming Emily’s back against the door as she closed it. The blonde paused for a moment to appreciate her view before starting her attack. JJ lunged forward and her lips crashed into Emily’s, as if she wanted to destroy her mouth. She hungrily explored the older woman’s mouth as she pushed into her, wanting more contact. Needing more contact. Both women pulled apart at the same part as they needed oxygen to reach their lungs._

_“Oh, Emily Prentiss, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” JJ said in a sultry tone. The two women then took deep breaths until their breathing returned to normal._

_The kissing resumed, just as rough and deep as it was before. There was a neediness between them as if they might never get the chance to kiss and the pair was going to make the most of the opportunity. Emily parted her lips to all allow full access to JJ. The older woman couldn’t help but moan loudly and whimpered when JJ ended the contact. JJ grabbed her hand gently and pulled her away from the door and into Emily’s living room. The pair sat on the sofa and looked at each other, admiring the beauty each woman held._

_“There’s so many things I want to tell you, Jennifer Jareau.” Emily rubbed the blonde’s cheek gently, unable to take her eyes off her. However, the words didn’t need to be said. They could tell by looking into each other’s eyes._

_“I love you, Jen.” Emily softly placed her forehead on JJ’s and basked in the moment of this intimacy. Emily didn’t expect a response. She didn’t need one, she wanted her to know how she felt._

_“I love you too, Em.” JJ responded automatically and deep-down Emily was relieved. She took the blonde’s hand in hers and squeezed tightly, leading her to her bedroom._

Then Emily woke up. Waking up next to JJ made her think that maybe it had happened, but then she remembered. She couldn’t help but feel disappointed at what could have been. If Emily couldn’t admit her feelings in real life, then she’d keep dreaming it.

“Did I say anything interesting?” She asked, trying to sound uninterested. Emily had hoped that JJ hadn’t heard her admit to her that she loved her.

“There wasn’t a lot I could make out, but you did mention me. So, Prentiss, what were you dreaming about?” JJ was curious more than anything.

“Uhh… I don’t actually remember.” Emily sounded pretty convincing, she just hoped JJ bought it.

JJ nodded and smiled, and the subject wasn’t brought up again which Emily was grateful for. She was trying to think of something else to say but then decided against it as the silence between them wasn’t awkward but comfortable. Penelope had finished her shower and had gotten dressed. She came into the living room looking fresh faced and seemed to be back to her normal self. She noticed that JJ was now awake and greeted the blonde. The two women spoke about how they were recovering last night and then Emily was invited to take a shower at Penelope’s which she accepted. While she was showering Emily got lost in a daydream, thinking about thoughts racing through her head. It didn’t last too long as she quickly showered as she felt bad for taking too long.

She walked back into the living room dressed in last night’s clothes with her hair dripping wet, tugging at it with a towel. It was then JJ’s turn to shower. She passed Emily in the doorway and her eyes followed her as a drip fell from the top of her forehead onto her lips. Emily then joined Penelope who was sat on the sofa eating a selection of brunch items that she had placed on the table while Emily was in the shower. Emily picked up a croissant. She was enjoying spending some time with Penelope. As she was the technical analyst, Emily didn’t get to spend as much time with her as she would have liked.

“Did you have a good night last night?” Penelope asked Emily.

“It was great Penelope! Honestly, I had such a good time! I’ve never had girl friends that I actually liked and spent time with before. I’m so fortunate to have met you guys, and the rest of the team.” Penelope smiled at this. As Emily was within hugging distance, in typical Penelope Garcia fashion she reached over and squeezed the other woman tightly.

“We all love you, Emily!” Emily smiled wide at this comment. She felt so lucky that she had such an incredible group of friends that were more like a family, which she never expected to experience in her life.

Penelope’s face became serious for a brief second, and if Emily hadn’t been looking at her, she would have missed it, before returning to her lovable expression.

“You’re my sweet little honey-bee and I don’t want you to get hurt. I just hope you know what you’re doing.” Penelope never explained any further. The statement could have been about numerous things, so Emily wasn’t quite sure and a part of her didn’t want to know so she never questioned her. Nevertheless, Emily agreed to be careful.

JJ walked back into the living room, immediately heading to the food and grabbing as much as she could carry. She then flopped down next to Emily, fitting comfortably next to her. Even though JJ had bundles of food, she reached over and pulled a piece from Emily’s croissant and quickly put it in her mouth. The blonde squealed in delight as she tasted it while Emily protested.

“These are so good Penelope!” JJ exclaimed. Emily’s jaw dropped as she was still in shock and Penelope was laughing at the interaction between two of her close friends.

The three women were acting as if they had been friends for a lifetime. Their conversations flowed with ease and then they were also comfortable in their silence, but with Garcia that didn’t last long. Emily recalled that she hadn’t laughed so much in such a long time but yet with these two ladies it came so naturally.

It was now the late afternoon and Emily and JJ decided to leave as they didn’t want to overstay their welcome. The two women grabbed their jackets which covered most of their outfits, so they didn’t have to feel awkward about walking home in last night’s outfit. Emily offered to walk JJ part of the way which she graciously accepted. Penelope walked them to the door and hugged them goodbye and told each of the women to let her know that they had gotten home safe.

“We definitely need to do this again, maybe make it a weekly thing?” JJ said nudging into Emily.

“I would love that.” Emily smiled. She would be thrilled if she got to have a night like this every week but that wasn’t too realistic due to their workload. “Maybe we aim to do this monthly?”

For a split-second JJ seemed disappointed but this quickly changed to enthusiasm as she agreed. The pair were approaching the station where JJ would go. Emily lived within walking distance of Penelope’s, in the opposite direction to the station, but she wanted to walk with JJ to make sure she got there without any problems. She knew that because JJ looked sensational, there would be depraved men who would want to take advantage and it became Emily’s mission to not let that happen.

They stood outside the station’s entrance saying their goodbyes, but Emily didn’t want JJ to leave. JJ was about to enter the station on her own when Emily made her decision. She intertwined her am with the blonde’s as they walked in unison into the station.

“I just didn’t want you to be alone.” Emily whispered softly to JJ, hoping that she’d understand and not be mad at her. She knew that JJ could easily take care of herself, but she hated the thought of someone trying to take advantage of her. Emily noticed that JJ’s features softened at her words and she was glad that the blonde appreciated her concern.

“No, it’s fine. It’s nice to have you by my side.” JJ whispered back. The pair were leaning in close and Emily remembered their embrace at another station. She hated how right this felt.

Walking through the station they got stares from some strangers who clearly assumed they were a couple. Homophobia was an issue that Emily still wasn’t fully able to deal with. It had led to internalised homophobia which had almost destroyed her. She felt like a disappointment, like she was wired wrong. She felt worthless and wanted to die. The only way she thought this would end was to force herself to be with men, to prove that she wasn’t a lesbian. This was something that still haunted her to this day. That period in her life was full of regrets and that was one of the biggest. Thankfully, she managed to overcome these demons. However, she struggled to actually fall in love. It scared her. Therefore, her feelings for JJ were overwhelming: they were exciting as they were scary. If someone had told her that she was going to fall in love, she wouldn’t have believed them. She honestly didn’t think that she was capable. She didn’t believe in love at first sight, but that all changed the second she met Jennifer Jareau.

The train was arriving, and the two women had to sprint to make it. They reached it just in time and hopped on. The train was pretty full but there were still seats for those who wanted to sit. Emily let JJ take the window seat as the blonde liked to look out when the stations appeared as she found comfort in seeing the light. Emily thought about putting a protective arm around the blonde but decided against it as she didn’t want to draw attention to them. Instead, she made sure to shuffle as close as she could so that they were joined at the hip and knee. Emily carefully scanned the carriage looking out for potential predators while keeping an eye on JJ. Their train ride wouldn’t last long so they should both be okay but there was one man sitting behind JJ that Emily became wary of.

The train had three more stops before JJ and Emily would disembark and so far, their journey had been quiet and uninteresting until the man Emily was wary of spoke.

“Hey, beautiful. Where you heading?” Both women remained silent and thought the best action was to ignore him. However, this man was persistent.

“Blondie, the next one’s my stop. Wanna join me?” Emily wanted to punch him. “I’ll make you feel so good.” The man drawled, his southern accent coming through. He put a strong hand on JJ’s shoulder and squeezed tightly.

“Get your fucking hand off her.” Emily snarled. She was enraged. JJ was shocked at her language – she knew that Emily had the habit of swearing but never in public. The man however just laughed.

“I said get your hand off my girlfriend.” She growled, noting that the man had lost his confident cockiness. She then found the man’s pressure point on his wrist and dug her fingers in until he cried out in pain, releasing his hand. Emily noticed that he had left a mark on JJ’s shoulder which would probably bruise.

As soon as the man had let go, Emily wrapped her arm around JJ and pulled her close. JJ tensed. She wasn’t sure if it was because the man had caused her to be anxious of the contact or because Emily had taken it too far by saying she was her girlfriend. She hoped she’d realise that she only said it to keep her safe. The situation had caused Emily’s heart to race and the girlfriend tactic had only caused it to rise. JJ had finally began to ease into Emily’s touch and she then rested her head on Emily’s chest. The blonde could feel her thumping heartbeat and linked their hands together to calm her down. With their hands intertwined, the pair felt sheltered from the potential evils that lurked in the dark.

They stayed like statues until it was time for them to leave. They left through the station and then walked out onto the street, breathing in the fresh air, with their hands still linked. JJ led the way to her apartment which was about a ten-minute walk away. Both women remained silent, but it wasn’t entirely comfortable like usual. There was some edgy tension which made the air thick, yet none were prepared to let their hands go. This continued until they reached JJ’s apartment building. She reluctantly released Emily’s hand and invited her in. She wasn’t sure whether or not to accept. She wondered if JJ was just offering to be polite but decided to accept anyways in case the rejection would hurt JJ.

Her apartment was exactly how Emily imagined. It was tastefully decorated and pristine. In the living room there were numerous windows and so the natural sunlight lit up the room. There were photos all around the room showing the different stages of JJ’s life. So many memories.

“I think I’m going to put a photo of you, me and Penelope right here.” JJ pointed to an empty space on her wall. Emily smiled. She’d like that.

“We should get matching ones. I’m sure Penelope would love that.” Emily thought out loud. JJ’s face lit up at the idea as she knew Penelope would agree.

The two women were talking about random things that would jump into their head and they were beginning to feel like normal again. But there was still a little bit of tension in the air that was palpable to both women. Unsaid things that Emily wanted to say.

“Look JJ, about earlier, I’m sorry. I overstepped the line. I shouldn’t have said we were together. I was just trying to get the guy to leave you alone.” Emily spoke sincerely.

“Don’t worry about it, Em. I know you didn’t mean it.” JJ joked but it hit Emily hard. She wished she didn’t have to pretend to tell her that. Emily had to work hard to hide her flustered expression. JJ wasn’t finished speaking.

“It’s not like we’re ever going to be together.” JJ had become slightly defensive. Her hands were flaring out as she spoke. “So, uh, yeah, you don’t need to apologise or anything we were both acting so yeah. But honestly, I owe you. Thanks for what you did today. Not everyone would do that. I really appreciated it. I’m lucky to have a friend like you.”

So, JJ had just been acting the whole time? She felt cheated. She had to get the hell out of there. Was everything a lie? Emily was sure she knew the answer and it hurt like she had been stabbed and JJ had just twisted the knife.

“Great. Well, I gotta go, so I’ll see you at work.” Emily said, unable to hide the awkwardness from her voice.

“Oh, okay. Yeah, see you tomorrow.” JJ replied, picking up on Emily’s awkwardness. 

JJ wanted to hug her goodbye, but Emily was already heading for the door. She said goodbye and then left. Emily wanted to walk back to her apartment to clear her head. It would take around 45 minutes, but she didn’t mind. As soon as she walked out of JJ’s apartment building, her eyes pricked with tears and she had nothing to stop them from falling.

Even though JJ didn’t usually have much input in creating profiles at the BAU, she had spent enough time to be able to understand the basics so how was she still unaware about Emily’s feelings for her? Maybe she did know, and she didn’t feel the same and this was her way of letting her know. Emily was fine with that. Totally fine.

On her way home she passed a small, quiet park with a few benches. She sat at the most secluded one and let the tears fall. She tried to take deep breaths to stop her sobs from escaping from her, but they were uncontrollable. It was now dawning on her that JJ wasn’t interested in her and she didn’t want to face that reality, but she knew for the sake of her job she was going to have to. Emily felt like a fool for falling for the blonde. JJ said that she was acting but was she acting at Penelope’s? They had almost kissed and surely they would have if Penelope hadn’t interrupted them. At that moment, none of them were drunk so did that moment mean nothing to her? Emily had so many questions that just made her frustrated. She didn’t want to think about it anymore.

She knew JJ and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. She had to assume that JJ was oblivious to her feelings. JJ was so caring, she knew she wouldn’t be this heartless. She couldn’t be. Emily knew she wasn’t going to get over this heartbreak so easily, especially if she was going to be around JJ a lot. Her sobs eventually subsided then she finished her walk and reached her apartment.

After today’s events the energy had drained from her. She was so tired. The humble leftovers in her fridge were calling her name. She ate them nonchalantly and decided to go to bed; she had work in the morning, so it was important for her to rest. As she was making her way to her room, she noticed the perfect spot on her wall where she could put a photo of her and her two closest friends. When she was in her empty, subtly decorated bedroom she had picked out the perfect place on her wall where she’d hang a photo of just her and JJ. She traced her fingers over the wall and sighed as that was just a pipe dream.

/+/+/+/+/

Emily woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed for a Monday morning but that was thanks to her for going to bed early. She was feeling apprehensive about going to work which hadn’t happened since her first day, but this was for a completely different reason. She wasn’t sure how she was going to interact with JJ since she had been so abrupt with her yesterday afternoon. They hadn’t spoken since then, but that wasn’t completely uncommon.

As usual, Emily did a quick workout before work. She focused on cardio over strength to force her feelings away. It seemed to work, even though she predicted that this would only be temporary. She made her way to work as she normally did, but she decided to get off at an earlier stop so she could walk part of the way so make sure she was emotionally balanced. As she rushed past hordes of people and approached the building, she checked the time and noticed that she was set to arrive at her allocated shift right on time, which no doubt meant that she would be the last of the team to arrive.

Emily walked into the room and headed for her desk. She saw that Spencer was at his desk with JJ and Penelope. She debated going over to her desk, but she had her bag, so she had to. She couldn’t avoid JJ, she knew that. While she was walking towards her desk, she had absolutely no idea what was about to hit her. Literally.

“Ooh! Ah, what-?” Emily instantly reached for her forehead which had just been hit. She was left shocked and confused that her words just trailed off.

“I’m so sorry, Emily.” Spencer apologised wholeheartedly straight away, however he did have a slight smirk on his face, but Emily believed this to be from nerves.

“What was that?” The last thing Emily expected when she walked into work was to be hit in the face. Her hand returned to her side and she noticed that JJ was cracking up which she didn’t even attempt to hide, and Penelope was stunned into silence but looked as if she could dissolve into laughter at any moment.

“Don’t you recognise a rocket when you see one?” Garcia said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, the smirk on her face evident.

“I-I was merely demonstrating a physics law. I-I-I didn’t mean to hit- “. It was amusing for Emily to see Boy Genius flustered.

“Oh, show me.” At times Emily hated to admit it, but she was a huge nerd. She loved studying chemistry and physics at school. If she decided against behavioural analysis, she would’ve studied a science. So, whenever she got the opportunity to think about science, she took it.

Emily walked over to the three agents excitedly. She slotted herself in-between the two blondes, with Spencer sitting at his desk. The women stood behind him, Emily was waiting expectantly.

“Well turn around, please.” Reid instructed to the women. JJ and Penelope instantly turned around, while Emily stood still.

“Turn around?” She asked, confused as to why.

“Yeah, he’s not gonna show you how it’s done.” JJ whispered to Emily. At JJ’s words she very slowly started to turn around.

“A magician doesn’t reveal his secrets.” He stated simply.

“But I thought you said it was physics?” Emily said, not entirely turned around. She was still not fully convinced.

“Physics… Magic.” Reid stated, justifying his need for them to turn around as the trick would be ruined if they knew what it took to make it happen.

“Trust me. It will not do you any good to argue with him.” Garcia insisted, which finally made Emily convinced.

She reluctantly turned around to join the other two women. She waited in anticipation for the trick to be set up. Emily turned her head slightly, but she wasn’t trying to see what Reid was doing. Instead she wanted a brief glance at JJ. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the blonde, but what made her almost gasp was that the blonde was looking at her. The brief glance turned into a longing gaze for both of them which was only interrupted by Reid telling them all that he was ready, and they could turn back around. The three women leaned in close to Reid and observed. They all gasped as it flew through the air and landed at Hotch’s feet. The three women then immediately and awkwardly dispersed. Emily moved to her left with ease whereas Penelope and JJ were unsure where to go and ended up bumping into each other before joining Emily. They watched and waited for Hotch to reprimand the young agent.

“Physics magic?” Hotch asked sternly.

“Yes, sir.” Reid scared at the potential repercussions.

“Reid, we talked about this.” Hotch held his tone.

“I’m sorry, sir.” Reid apologised profoundly for the second time that morning.

Hotch picked up the rocket that had landed at his feet moments before and returned it to Reid, placing it on his desk.

“Really starting to get some distance on those.” Hotch’s stern tone was gone as he spoke with a slight smile.

“So, he does have a sense of humour.” Emily mused, glad to know that her boss wasn’t serious all the time.

Reid got back to doing his paperwork, Garcia had gone back to her office and Emily finally got to sit at her desk. She had settled with a cup of coffee and was about to start her paperwork when a shadow overcast her desk. She turned to find her favourite blonde.

“Hey, Em. I just wanna make sure you're okay.” JJ said while trying to inspect her forehead. The nickname caught Emily off guard. “If we go to my office there’ll be better light.”

Emily realised that despite her endless protests that she was fine, JJ would not take no for an answer, so she followed her to her office. She had some good memories from here. JJ instructed her to sit on the sofa and she did as she was told. JJ reached out and lightly touched her forehead. Emily winced slightly at the tenderness which caused JJ to dart her eyes to the older woman. She moved her hand from her forehead to her cheek. Her touch was light as a feather, but it made such a huge impression to Emily.

“I hope you know how remarkable you are.” This surprised Emily and she couldn’t help but laugh as she thought the blonde was joking, but she realised she wasn’t.

“You really think that?” Emily placed her hand over JJ’s which was still on her cheek.

“I do.” JJ said honestly. Those were sweet words that Emily would love to hear from her after they both walked down an aisle.

Emily dropped her hand and JJ’s hand went back to her head. “You’ll be okay, but you might get a little bruise. Does it still hurt?”

“A little bit, yeah.” Emily admitted.

“Do you want me to kiss it better?” JJ joked. This made Emily smile and before she could say anything, she felt soft lips kiss her forehead lightly.

“All better.” JJ whispered.

Emily was so confused. Just yesterday JJ had said that we would never be a couple, yet she was flirting with her today. Did JJ realise what she was doing to her? She was driving her crazy. It was a bit strange to Emily how concerned JJ had become. None of the others were overly concerned about her so why was the blonde? Was it possible that she just wanted them alone? Emily instantly removed that thought from her mind. It was stupid. She didn’t know what was going on in JJ’s head, but she would still appreciate these special moments, even if she shouldn’t.

/+/+/+/+/

It had been a tough case for the team, but especially for Morgan. He almost lost his career and himself, but the team had his back. Emily was so relieved that everything had been fixed and they were back at the bureau. She debated finishing paperwork or not. On one hand she wanted to go home and run a long, hot bath that she could soak into and wash her worries away. On the other hand, if she finished her paperwork now it meant it was out of the way and she didn’t have to think about it again. The bath would have to wait. Thankfully, she managed to finish her paperwork in just under an hour thanks to some coffee. She returned her mug to the kitchen area and went to collect her bag from desk. She instantly noticed something was different. There was a magenta orchid plant on her desk and without reading the note she knew who it was from.

_Told you I’d remember your favourite flower. I hope whenever you see this, you remember how remarkable you are. JJ._

Was this something friends did? Emily didn’t mind. She wasn't quite sure what she had done to deserve this reminder, but she cherished it as she knew that there would be days when this would be the only thing to get her out of bed and remember who she was. She loved the notes she received from the blonde. She wouldn’t tell anyone, but Emily took she notes home and placed them delicately in her bedside table drawer. Emily admired the orchid and already knew that she’d place it on her bedside table. Every time she would look at this, she would automatically think of JJ and that made her smile. From this, she felt like they could have a future together, but not right now. Emily would wait for JJ, even if that meant waiting a lifetime.


	5. The Big Game

“I don’t know about you guys, but I really could go for a drink after this.” Morgan announced to the team now that they were back at the BAU. “Reid, what are you doing this evening?” Emily thought it was sweet that Morgan first asked Reid.

“Oh! Well, a book I ordered arrived yesterday and I was planning on reading it tonight. It’s statistical mechanics, looking at entropy, order parameters, complexity, and cross derivatives – or as I like to call them angry derivatives!” Reid let out a little laugh but got no response from his audience. Everyone had either a blank or bored look on their face, so Emily tried to look uninterested.

“So, what you’re trying to tell me is that you’re free tonight and would like to join us for a drink?” Morgan asked Reid, who seemed a bit speechless as he would move his lips, but no words would come out, just nodded his head in acceptance that he wasn’t going to read tonight.

“Ladies, you wanna join?” Morgan turned to look at Emily, JJ and Penelope. Garcia immediately squealed in excitement and a string of eccentric and bizarre words came out of her mouth.

JJ and Emily both looked at each other at the same time as if their decision depended on the other. After a brief glance both women agreed. Hotch and Gideon joined the others and Hotch agreed to go out with the other agents on the basis that he could bring Haley with him, which wasn’t an issue for anyone. Gideon unfortunately turned down the offer as he already had plans.

The team decided that they would each go home so they could change into casual, comfy clothes and meet up at their chosen diner. They had all been to the diner before apart from Emily. Prior to leaving the BAU, she asked JJ for the directions. JJ had a better idea.

“How about we meet halfway? Then we can walk together.” JJ offered as an idea.

“Yeah, that works for me. Just let me know the time.”

JJ then informed Emily of what she was thinking and both women then agreed on a time and place they’d meet. The two women then left to their apartments to get ready. When Emily reached her apartment, it didn’t take her long to choose an outfit. She decided with a simple pair of jeans and a top which the girls would describe as glittery cute. Emily was really looking forward to hanging out with the team, without thinking about a case. It would be fun to be surrounded by her fellow agents with everything letting loose and being themselves. Emily couldn’t help but be curious by how Hotch would act when he was not being their boss, but their friend.

The ringing of her phone brought Emily out of her daydream. She instantly panicked that she was now running late, and JJ was wondering where she was, but she quickly checked the time and if she left now, she’d make it on time, so she wondered why JJ was calling.

“Hey, JJ, everything okay?” Emily asked, unable to fully hide her concern.

“Please tell me you haven’t left yet.” JJ said rushed.

“No, I’m just about to. Why?” Emily was really looking forward to tonight and the thought of it not happening made her feel disappointed.

“Okay, so don’t laugh at me but-“ As soon as Emily heard those words, she couldn’t help but smile and let out a half-suppressed laugh. “Emily! Stop! I haven’t even told you it yet.” The blonde protested.

“Okay, okay. I’m listening.” Emily swiftly composed herself.

“Outside my apartment building, one of my neighbours was there and they recently got a puppy and I got distracted. Then, I had to get ready and at first, I couldn’t find the pair of jeans I wanted to wear, and I’ve only just found them so I’m running late so can you wait ten minutes before you leave? It’s just that I don’t want you to be waiting on your own, wondering where I am.”

“Wow, JJ, really?” Emily couldn’t hold her laughter in anymore. “Sure, I can wait. Just message me when you’re leaving.”

JJ agreed and they said their goodbyes to each other. Even though they had hung up Emily still had a huge smile on her face. JJ had that effect on her. Emily decided to throw on some makeup and just as she had finished, she got a text from JJ. On her way out she grabbed a jacket and left. She walked briskly to their planned location and she saw that the blonde was already there. The way JJ was standing made her unable to see Emily approaching. The older woman thought it’d be funny to sneak up on the younger woman. She made sure to step quietly and then hugged her arms around the blonde while greeting her as she knew sneaking up on an FBI agent without announcing yourself wasn’t the smartest idea. Thankfully, JJ instantly recognised Emily’s voice and felt relaxed in the older woman’s embrace.

“Hey, you! We better get going.” Emily released JJ as she checked the time. “We are already late, and I can guarantee you that half the team arrived early.”

The two women walked at a faster pace to try to reduce their tardiness. Their hands constantly brushed against each other, but this was something they had become accustomed to. It was normal and it felt comfortable. They walked in silence as they knew that if they spoke, they would walk slower. However, that didn’t stop them briefly looking at one another every so often. 

The diner had a tranquil atmosphere and was decorated with soothing colours. Hotch had arrived first, fifteen minutes before their decided time, shortly followed by Reid who was dragging Morgan. With three minutes to go, Penelope turned up. Hotch had a chosen a booth suitable to fit six people. Hotch sat first, with Reid opposite him. Morgan then sat next to Hotch with Penelope opposite. The four conversed among themselves as they waited for the two remaining agents.

“Great of you guys to show up!” Morgan joked as he saw JJ and Emily approaching their table. Emily took a seat next to Derek and JJ sat next to Garcia.

“Blame this one here.” Emily pointed at JJ, jokingly defending herself. JJ pouted in response, which was directed at Emily, but everyone noticed.

The six agents each studied the menu before discussing what they fancied. There were so many dishes that intrigued Emily, but JJ had warned her not to order too much as their portions were large and had also hinted which the diner’s best dishes.

“I think I’m gonna go for the spaghetti. What about you guys?” Morgan spoke up, deciding first.

“That does sound good – I’m going to go for that as well.” Reid spoke right after. Emily noticed that Garcia was smirking and felt slightly out of the loop.

“You know that the portions are really big here, maybe you guys should share?” A seemingly innocent suggestion was warped by Penelope’s presumptuous voice. The two men were oblivious and agreed with her suggestion.

Within a few minutes the whole team had decided on what to eat. Hotch had decided on a burger, Garcia chose mac and cheese, Emily and JJ decided to share some blueberry pancakes, which got an interesting look from Penelope.

The busy diner had a quick and attentive service, so the food arrived promptly. Their table became surrounded by aromatic aromas and the agents all dug into their food, which thankfully was delicious. The six agents conversed lazily, however, JJ and Emily seemed to be in their own little world as they whispered and giggled over their pancakes. The two women would say it was due to them witnessing the sight of Morgan and Reid sharing spaghetti even though they were sitting diagonally opposite each other with Hotch stuck in the corner. Hotch didn’t seem to mind as he would occasionally look amused.

The agents enjoyed their meal and paid their bill with a generous tip. They were all in a great mood and could tell that their night was going to be amazingly fun. They arrived at the team’s favourite bar and immediately and luckily found a table near the back of the room. The table had three seats which were taken by Hotch, Penelope, and JJ. Morgan and Reid stood behind Hotch at either side of him while Emily stood in the middle of JJ and Penelope.

Once comfortable, Morgan and Hotch went to get everyone drinks which the rest of the team greatly appreciated. The bar was playing music and it must have been an 80’s night Emily thought after hearing three songs from that decade in a row. Penelope was living her best life. ‘I’m Coming Out’ by Diana Ross started playing and Emily hated to admit it, but she had a soft spot for this song.

“Now this! This is a bop!” Emily announced for all her friends to hear as she swayed to the beat of the song. The women smiled at her while the men gave her curious looks, apart from Morgan who chuckled at the statement.

“Why are you laughing?” Emily asked the agent. “Is it because I love boning members of the same sex… Hilarious, right?” This stunned Morgan into silence, but Emily burst out laughing which was infectious and soon the rest of the team were all laughing.

They could tell that Emily was being honest and each of them felt respected that she was comfortable enough to tell them all. Emily had felt ready to come out to her team as they had welcomed her with open arms. However, she didn’t want to make it into a big deal so when the right time occurred, she was prepared to tell the team, but she wanted to make a joke. Ideally, this was how she wanted to tell her parents but they were too serious and so she had to make a long-winded speech, but she knew that these people would automatically accept her without making a fuss. The men could tell by JJ and Penelope’s facial expressions that the women already knew and so Penelope would have told Emily about her pansexuality as she was very open about it. Morgan decided to use this to his advantage for his next joke.

“So, you and Garcia? Anything happened?” Morgan joked playfully, arching one of his eyebrows. This caused Emily to smirk and Penelope to blush.

“Only in my dreams.” Emily leaned in closer to Morgan. Penelope’s face was now a furious red as she slurped her drink.

Emily was too busy staring down Morgan to notice JJ’s facial expression. It flashed with envy before returning to normal, thankfully for her nobody noticed. Penelope excused herself from the table and went to get another drink as she had drank her previous one rather fast as a distraction from what Emily had said. It wasn’t because she was attracted to her, but she had to admit that her and Emily Prentiss would be a beautifully fiery couple. JJ quickly finished her drink and followed Garcia to get another one.

“Do you guys think I should tell Gideon? I feel bad that I’ve been so open with you guys, but not him.” Emily asked the agents that remained at the table.

“I wouldn’t bother. He probably already knows.” Hotch stated simply.

“Really? You think it’s that obvious?” Emily questioned, appearing slightly worried. Maybe she wasn’t at good at hiding things as she thought.

“Maybe not to us. But to him, probably.” Hotch replied, everyone agreeing, even Emily.

The two women arrived back with their drinks, and to her surprise they got Emily one. She took it appreciatively and the three women said cheers. The seating arrangement changed slightly as Haley was about to arrive. JJ now stood next to Emily, leaving a seat for Haley. Hotch’s wife greeted them all warmly and took her seat next to Hotch. Hotch’s body language changed slightly as he became completely relaxed which matched his outfit. His smile instantly reached his eyes.

Spencer had overheard some people talking about Star Trek and he couldn’t help but join the conversation which soon turned into a competition. A competition which Spencer was winning. After being left alone, Morgan embraced the women that wanted to lure him. Penelope was watching this fascinating event intently.

JJ had caught the attention of two men playing darts. As she was walking back from the bathroom, they approached her. Emily couldn’t hear what they were saying but all three were laughing. Was JJ really interested in them? The blonde came back to the table smiling and stood behind Emily.

“Those guys think they’re good enough at darts to beat me. I beg to differ.” She smirked, whispering in Emily’s ear. “Do you think I should play a game with them?”

“Yeah, sure. If that’s what you want.” Emily said simply which seemed to disappoint JJ slightly. Emily instantly felt guilty. “Go show them who’s boss!” She added with more enthusiasm. JJ then left and wandered over to the two men stood by the dart board.

Emily wasn’t ready to watch JJ interact flirtatiously with anyone and so she needed to distract herself from that section of the bar. She conversed surprisingly comfortable with her boss and his wife. It was refreshing to see Hotch so normal and happy. Haley was sweet, exactly what she had expected.

“Anyone want another drink?” Emily asked the table. Hotch and Haley agreed to one more drink. The team was still on call and so everyone was being careful to how much alcohol they consumed. Thankfully, nobody had crossed the line to tipsy and they were all coherent.

As she walked to the bar, she saw JJ on her way to the ton 80. She couldn’t help but smile as the blonde was full of surprises. Her smile faltered as she saw the blonde celebrate with the two men. They were clearly interested in her and she couldn’t quite tell if JJ just wanted to play darts or if she had an ulterior motive. On her way back, carrying three drinks, Emily smiled as she passed Morgan who had been successfully lured onto the dance floor as Penelope witnessed the situation unfold. She paused slightly to tease Morgan as she realised that this was a very fun and easy thing to do.

“Hey Morgan, be careful! Want to look back and check your wallet?” Emily said as she fetched the drinks to the table.

“It’s all right, I’ll be a broke, happy man.” Morgan joked which caused Emily to laugh as she passed Garcia and placed the drinks down at the table. Emily then claimed her seat and the three of them said cheers.

“How are they treating you at the BAU, Emily? Haley asked genuinely interested. Hotch interrupted before she could answer.

“She means, am I being nice to you?” Hotch said smiling at his wife who grinned back at him.

“Actually, everyone has been incredibly nice.” Emily acknowledged honestly. She knew that she was very lucky to have them in her life.

Emily and Hotch stared at each other contentedly and Haley looked at Hotch with admiration. Emily was glad that Hotch now trusted her whole-heartedly and valued her on the team. She was honoured to have him as a mentor. The moment ended when the three heard Penelope speak.

“Look at him move.” She said, referring to Derek, her eyes never leaving him. “It’s like a cat.”

“More like a dog!” Emily interjected.

“He did not ask them to dance. They asked him.” Garcia said quickly and quietly, hoping to prove her point.

“Okay. Okay, he’s a cat.” Emily said, hoping to think Garcia won this round for a brief second. “An alley cat.”

“Come on, Haley, let’s show them how it’s done.” Hotch took Haley’s hand and the pair went to dance. Emily wouldn’t exactly describe herself as a romantic but seeing them being so sweet warmed her heart.

“I’m going to the loo. Do not let anyone steal my spot.” Garcia whispered to Emily. She was surprised that she had been able to divert her eyes away from Morgan.

“I’ll guard it with my life.” She told Penelope as she was walking away. A statement Emily took seriously. She could look either intimidating or inviting depending on the situation and right now she did not want anyone near her.

“Oh! Another one bites the dust!” She recognised JJ’s voice from across the bar.

It was obvious she had won the game and was talking to the guys about something. Emily wished she could hear, but she was also glad that she couldn’t. A minute or two later, Emily noticed JJ dig her phone out of her pocket and throw her arms around the shoulders of the men. She then saw JJ walk past with her phone to her ear. She guessed that it was about a case and that they were going to have to leave, which secretly relieved Emily as she feared that JJ might actually like the guys she’d been playing darts with.

After stepping outside, JJ returned and instantly went to Emily at the table. She was smiling wickedly so Emily wondered who had been on the phone.

“You should’ve been there Em! I humiliated those guys!” She said excitedly, she was clearly proud of her achievement. She couldn’t help but gush at the blonde, mainly due to her zeal, but also because this confirmed that she had no interest in either men.

JJ’s enthusiasm died down as she gathered the rest of the team and informed them of the case that they had been called into. On their way back to the Bureau, the blonde notified Gideon of the update. The call had sobered the team up as if they hadn’t had a drop of alcohol. Each member got a shot of espresso and they were ready to investigate.

/+/+/+/+/

“You know, it never fails. Just as I’m getting my groove thing going, bam. We’re back at the BAU.” Morgan complained, causing Emily and Penelope to smirk. The agent then saw another opportunity to tease Morgan. Recently, she had bonded with him and he was a great, loyal friend to have.

“You know, statistically, a case doesn’t come in with any more frequency if you’re at a party or a gathering and if you aren’t.” Reid said matter-of-factly which Emily appreciated as she knew this would wind Derek up. “It’s a trick of the mind. We merely remember the ones that came in that way more.” Emily giggled as Spencer corrected Morgan. Surprisingly, Hotch also had a small smile on his face.

“Besides, is it really that hard for you to get your groove “thang” going again?” Emily and Penelope couldn’t contain their laughter, causing Penelope to almost spit out her coffee.

“Only when he’s sleeping.” Gideon joked as he walked in the room to join the team.

Hotch and Gideon talked briefly about how Gideon’s evening was until he had been called in. He had been having an enjoyable evening even though he skipped being with the team and so had no regrets.

JJ informed the group that their enjoyable evening was definitely over. A married couple, Lacy and Dennis Kyle, had been murdered an hour ago in their suburban Atlanta, Georgia home.

“An hour ago?” This detail caught Hotch off guard.

“The police were on scene unusually fast.” JJ told the team, which interested each member as this didn’t happen often.

“Why?” Morgan questioned this first.

“One of the unsubs called them and told them that the other was about to murder the victims.” None of the members of the team expected that which was shown on their shocked faces.

“You’re kidding.” Morgan muttered in disbelief.

“From inside the house.” JJ confirmed as Reid’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “According to the dispatcher, the first male sounded terrified and begged them to get there before the other, who they both identified as Raphael, was about to kill the sinners that lived there.” JJ quoted from the phone call.

At this point, Emily was confused, and her face showed that, as she tried to piece everything together. If they had been in any other situation, JJ would have smiled softly at her bewildered expression.

“Sinners?” Hotch quick to pick up on the important detail from the unsub’s phone call. JJ nodded.

“The 911 centre is going to send Garcia a copy of the tape.” Garcia jumped up in her chair attentively at the sound of her name and nodded affirmatively, understanding her task that she was going to have to complete.

“How fast was the police response time?” Reid contributed to the discussion, curious to know the answer.

“4 minutes 26 seconds.” JJ said slowly and clearly to make sure all the team heard. Reid immediately wrote this down in his notebook. “During which time, Raphael managed to do this.” JJ changed the normal photos of the Kyles’ and replaced it with photos of the crime scene. There were gruesome, causing Garcia to squirm in her seat.

“In 4 and a half minutes?” Emily was stunned. She had to make sure she had heard the blonde correctly. She worried that she had zoned out while JJ was talking about important details as she got lost in her voice. The younger woman nodded solemnly.

JJ reported about Mr Kyle’s employment and millionaire status which meant that there would be media coverage that she was going to prepare to deal with.

“Also, when they arrived, the police found this displayed prominently on the bed.” JJ revealed the last detail they had about the case.

“Revelations chapter 6, verse 8.” Hotch instantly recognising it.

“They’re killing sinners. These guys are on a mission.” Morgan concluded.

“And mission-based killers will not stop killing.” Reid added quietly.

“And I looked in behold a pale horse, and his name that sat upon him was death.” Hotch quoted.

“And hell followed with him.” Gideon finished, setting the tone for the case.

/+/+/+/+/

The team boarded the jet, an ominous feeling in the air, palpable to each of them. Gideon took his usual seat and Morgan sat in one of the seats opposite him. Emily then decided to take her place next to Morgan. Reid paused briefly, before deciding to sit next to Hotch on another pair of seats. JJ merged between the two groups but during take-off she sat on her own near Hotch and Reid. She looked beautiful in her crisp white shirt like crystallised snow shimmering in the sun’s fluorescent rays which contrasted perfectly with Emily’s black blazer like a cold winter’s night. That summed Emily up. The darkness never left her. Not quite the hot dark of embers, but a soft, hopeful dark. The dark that comes just before a sunrise, the kind of dark that helps the orange and gold blossom across the sky, like a small flower trembling open in the spring. The dark that encourages a person to fall asleep as they close their eyes, tossing and turning in a futile attempt to slip away into the depths of unconsciousness, blissfully unaware of the worries that surround them. The type of dark that occurs in a complete solar eclipse, blocking out the light, the noise, the feeling of being alive, leaving them in a silence of serenity, if only for the blink of an eye. Together though, the two women were the sky filled with black tranquility married to a poetry of stars. 

“This is a bad one, isn’t it?” Emily asked, going over the case files after take-off.

“Unsubs with a cause are never good.” Morgan declared; they all knew that killing with a cause could make an unsub ten times more dangerous as they are driven beyond control.

Garcia phoned the team with the recording of the 911 call. Each member listened carefully to every word and noted each voice inflection. After the call finished the team remained silence for a moment, drawing conclusions in their head.

“Well, unsub one definitely sounds frightened. Maybe he’s doing this against his will?” Emily voiced her thoughts first.

“I doubt it.” Gideon whispered, shaking his head. Emily knew he was blunt but appreciated his coherent, non-judgemental voice. She no longer felt embarrassed when voicing her opinions as each member of the team respected and valued them.

“He could have called out to save them, instead of calling 911.” Hotch explained Gideon’s logic.

“Not if he had a gun to his head.” Morgan pointed out, thinking thoroughly about what Emily had said.

“If he had a gun to his head, why would he have dialled 911? Gideon countered.

JJ had been listening to everyone and debated whether or not she should say what was going through her mind, but she knew the team would take her concerns seriously.

“The second unsub said Raphael was going to kill someone. Is there a third?” JJ stared at each agent in turn, trying to gage their reaction.

“Referring to oneself in the third person is not uncommon for an unsub. Ted Bundy gave thoroughly detailed accounts of his murders, but he never actually admitted to doing it. He would just say the killer.” Reid spoke quietly which JJ appreciated. For some reason JJ found herself looking at Emily who tilted her head to meet her eyes. They gave each other small, supporting smiles and each felt instantly more reassured.

Garcia informed them that she was going to run the name Raphael through the databases and so left to do her magic. Emily would never fail to be amazed by Garcia. That woman was truly magical. She couldn’t, and didn’t want to, imagine the BAU without her.

“We have a killing team on a mission in rural Georgia. We know what that means.” Hotch spoke calmly with drive. Emily closed her eyes softly as if she was in pain, as she did know what that meant. They’re not going to stop until their mission’s complete.

Hotch began planning their tactics and how they were going to handle the investigation. He gave each member a task and it was their responsibility to do it successfully. JJ’s job was to get access to photos to help them with victimology, a crucial aspect to their profile; Hotch was going to set up base and look over case files as it was highly unlikely that this was the unsubs’ first kill due to it being so efficient; Gideon, Reid and Morgan were to go assess the crime scene; and Emily’s role was to go to the morgue and examine the wounds to discover how they were killed so quickly. She didn’t mind this, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t apprehensive. The thought of seeing a lifeless body that used to be overflowing with energy and soul was haunting. But she knew she had to do this. She’d put on a brave face and fight for justice.

/+/+/+/+/

Emily arrived at the morgue and felt the stereotypical chill down her spine. She located the medical examiner and was led to where the bodies were. She froze as she stepped in the room and took a deep breath to steady herself. This never got easier and if anyone said it did, they were lying.

“They’re all long, deep gashes. Each victim has virtually the same wounds – both throats cut, a vertical gash up one arm from wrist to elbow, and a vertical gash down one leg from crotch to upper thigh.” The Doctor listed the wounds while Emily quietly tip-toed over to where the bodies were and gently lifted up the sheet to inspect the wounds, wanting to be respectful as possible.

“Major arteries.” Emily noted out loud.

“It’s damned efficient.” The Doctor murmured sadly as they both knew that the couple never stood a chance as soon as the unsubs entered their house.

“How much knowledge of anatomy would someone need to do this?” Emily questioned, hoping to narrow down something about the unsubs, maybe their occupation. However, the Doctor told her what she was already thinking: anyone with a basic understanding of the body would know where those arteries were.

“And do you have any idea which one of these wounds were delivered first?” Emily wasn’t going to become disheartened because so far she had been unable to narrow anything down and decided to focus her questioning on the how.

“There was active blood flow from each of the wounds, so they’re probably all delivered at about the same time.” The doctor remarked, reaching for his clipboard. At this announcement, Emily glanced at the body and raised her eyebrows, slightly surprised.

“With any of these wounds, the victim would bleed out quickly, almost like an animal at slaughter.” He commented. “No. Exactly like an animal at slaughter. A deer or a lamb or a cow, something like that.” The clocks were turning in Emily’s head. “You cut the throat first, then sometimes open up other major arteries to assist in draining the carcass.” The Doctor explained quickly, sounding slightly chuffed as if he had solved the case.

“So maybe a hunter?” Emily offered.

“Or a farmer.” The man suggested, then fell silent and sighed. “Pretty much anyone in rural Georgia.” Both their faces dropped slightly, especially Emily’s as she realised she was back at square one.

/+/+/+/+/

The team then reunited at the police department they were assisting. While at the crime scene, Garcia had informed Morgan that she had been sent a viral video seemingly showing the crime scene. The agents then sat together to watch the video to see if it would give them any insight. Listening to the video caused the agents to debate how many unsubs there were. They could hear three different voices and wondered whether that meant three unsubs. However, what they could agree on was that it was likely that there were going to be five more victims.

Their next topic of discussion was the computer. The viral video had been filmed using the laptop that was on the Kyles’ dresser. Hotch wondered if the unsubs had brought the laptop with them in preparation of their crime however, Reid doubted this theory as it seemed that the computer belonged to the Kyles’ as it had their banking statements and holiday photos, although Garcia was planning on doing a more thorough analysis.

“One comes into the room and immediately goes after Mr Kyle. What, did the other unsub turn the camera on?” This part of the crime scene just wasn’t making sense to Hotch.

“We might be asking the wrong questions. This video, this message, it’s important. Clearly, they want the world to see this. They need it. But they didn’t bring a camera with them.” Gideon pondered towards his fellow agents.

Reid caught the attention of the agents as he whispered quietly asking about WiFi, which confused an agent from the police department as to why he was asking. Spencer then explained that due to the WiFi the computer had connected itself to, it had switched on the camera and it was streaming a video feed somewhere.

“Can we trace this stream to the destination?” Hotch asked quickly, knowing time was of the essence.

“Keep it open, Garcia might be able-“ Reid said quietly. Suddenly the computer started beeping and all the agents hovered closer to the laptop. Emily moved to stand next to JJ, they were so close that Emily could see the hairs on JJ’s neck raise as the words ‘The armies of Satan shall not prevail’ appeared on the screen. The camera then turned off.

“So, they’re controlling it remotely?” Hotch wondered.

“Is that even possible?” Emily didn’t mean to say that out loud as she felt sheepish as she wasn’t as tech-savvy as she acted.

As Hotch was unsure of his question he realised that he needed to phone Penelope as she was obviously extremely knowledgeable in this department. He quickly called her and put her on speaker phone so the whole team would be made aware of any developments.

“Yeah, you can totally access someone’s computer remotely. It’s actually done a lot today. When a mortal calls for tech support, instead of like giving you instructions, the tech can work on your computer wherever she is.” Emily found herself smiling a little at Garcia’s use of the word _mortal_.

“And they maintain the access even after the work is done?” Hotch queried.

“They’re not supposed to, but I suppose you could install a trojan horse during a service.” The jargon had clearly gone over Hotch’s head (and Emily’s but she would never admit it). Reid then explained what a trojan horse was and how it could be used.

Once Hotch understood, he then instructed Garcia to check if the Kyles’ had called for tech support in the last six months. She told him she would get on that task straight away and offered her assistance with the Kyles’ laptop as she could easily search the drive for anything implanted there. Just before Garcia hung up, she mentioned how viral the video had truly become which shocked the agents, but what concerned Garcia was the response to the video as people seemed to think it was pretty cool. She then hung up, promising to call straight away if she found any developments.

“Murder as entertainment.” Gideon whispered in disbelief.

“They probably didn’t even realise it’s real. People see so many images online every day, they might assume it’s marketing for a horror film or something.” JJ said, trying to restore Gideon’s faith in humanity.

“The unsubs are right about one thing – the world is pretty screwed up.” Morgan inferred.

The agents each took their place at a table apart from Emily who stood at the whiteboard, ready to summarise their ideas to try to create a profile.

“So, what have we got so far?” Hotch asked, getting the conversation started.

“Well, the killings are clinically efficient. They had the ear marks of a slaughter as in an animal.” Emily spoke first as she was writing on the board.

“Or a sacrifice.” Morgan added, which Emily added to the board as this should also be considered.

“I haven’t been able to find anything in federal or state databases that suggest similar crimes. As far as I can tell, it’s the first in a series.” Hotch told the group his findings which surprised them all.

“At least one member of the team may believe he’s killing in the name of god, suggesting a psychopathy that should display extreme levels of disorganisation. Yet there are forensic countermeasures and somebody in control enough to do complicated computer work. One member of the team’s organised, the other’s extremely disorganised. But what’s strange is that the one that we would consider as being most in control, the one that made the phone call, can’t seem to stop the other one from killing. Usually the frenzied personality takes direction from the cooler head.” Reid announced part of his profile to the group which seemed logical to look into that.

“Unsub one called the police before the killing, but he didn’t leave time for him to get there. Is the phone call just a guy working on a defence in case of capture? I mean, maybe he didn’t want to stop the other, but he did whatever he had to do to cover himself.” Emily thought about Derek’s words carefully and she honestly wasn’t quite sure and ended up shrugging.

“What do we have so far?” Gideon asks gently, hoping to get them back on track. The agents all looked at each other individually, trying to figure out what they knew for definitive. “Not enough.” He finished, answering his own question.

Emily went to grab a cup of coffee and when she came back, Hotch was standing by the board, waiting for inspiration to strike. JJ approached him holding a case file. On her way, she smiled at Emily which was she returned. She took a mental picture of JJ and stored it in her brain. She heard JJ explain to Hotch how she might have found a potential witness that may have seen someone lurking outside the Kyles’ a couple of months before they were attacked. Hotch then sent Reid and JJ to locate the witness: Tobias Hankel. Hotch was informed by a detective that there had been another murder and so he took his team to the crime scene.

/+/+/+/+/

The team arrived at the house and were greeted by the senior detective working on the case.

“Well, he called again. This time it was different. Only one of them spoke.” The detective informed the team, hoping they could understand why.

“Which one?” Hotch asked intrigued.

“Pretty sure it was Raphael. I wrote down what he said, and I got a recording being brought out here. Took us almost eleven minutes to respond. We only had but the one unit close.” He said sadly.

“Could the unsub know that?” A thought had popped into Morgan’s head.

“Lack of police presence out here has gotten some local media attention recently. The 911 call wasn’t the only thing that was different. This particular scene is weird in another way. The male victim, upstairs… throat cut.” He paused before speaking, finding it different to not get emotional when thinking of the scene he had come across upstairs.

“Why’s that weird?” Gideon asked, comparing it to the other crime scene.

The detective explained the situation that they weren’t a couple, but in fact he was a handyman that didn’t even live there. The man that did live there, Mr Douglas, was away on business and he wasn’t having any repairs done and his wife was meant to be home. However, she was nowhere to be found, but her car, keys and purse were still there. Gideon wanted to know what was said on the call as he knew this could be vital as to why these victims were chosen. The detective recited what the call had said, and realisation dawned on his face.

“So, adultery is the sin, but they kill him and not her. They abduct her.” Hotch hoped that saying the scenario out loud would help them piece things together.

“You think she’s still alive?” the detective asked even though he was losing hope.

“We never assume otherwise unless there’s evidence.” Hotch replied, making sure to emphasis their tactic to treat the missing woman as alive. “The unsubs knew she was having an affair. There was a laptop here.” Hotch pointed to an empty area on the desk, getting back on track. Emily and Derek then went upstairs to inspect the crime scene and likely locate the laptop.

Walking into a crime scene never got easier for Emily, but she was getting better at compartmentalising, although he was naturally pretty good at that. The blood had gotten all over the room, and initially it was hard to take it all in.

“Don’t look now, but we’re on candid camera.” Morgan spoke quietly to Emily as the laptop was behind them as they looked at where the body had been.

“Uh-huh.” Emily said slowly. It was all she could muster. The thought of somebody watching her creeped her out. This case had taught her to cover her webcam and to only ask Penelope if she needed technical support.

The pair had decided they had been in the room long enough and walked back downstairs to tell the others what they had found. Garcia had been notified to try to trace the camera’s feed back to its destination. The team stepped outside the house and each got some air. Before heading back, they wanted to discuss what they had learnt.

“So, let’s work this out. What does this new behaviour tell us?” Hotch asked his team, wanting to hear their input.

“That there was only one unsub this time? Uh, Raphael? Alone?” Emily was really not sure, but she thought that her thinking might help someone else, like a domino effect.

“Not if he’s the psychotic. He wouldn’t be capable of operating this efficiently. Someone was here who could control himself. Make sure no evidence was left behind.” Hotch refuted to Emily, but it was clear he appreciated her voicing her ideas.

“At the first crime, unsub one called the police, right? This time it was Raphael. Why?” Derek asked, while Emily shrugged her shoulders. “It’s like the phone call is necessary. It’s part of the signature.”

This concept confused Emily as she had never seen this pairing before. A mixture of extreme psychosis in a controlled individual was such a contrast, it didn’t make sense. After all, the most common indicator of extreme psychosis was solitude. They don’t exactly play well with others.

Once Gideon was told that Garcia couldn’t find any records of Raphael, he questions why he’s naming himself. It was clear that he wasn’t worried about the team knowing that name, in fact he wanted them to know it. Emily wondered if it could be an alias, but Gideon thought it was more likely that Raphael didn’t exist. This led to the team to conclude that they might actually only have one unsub suffering from a delusion that he’s actually an archangel, and so the first phone call may have been from one person, not two. Derek then pulled out his phone to call Garcia to run voice analysis on the first 911 call to see whether there were two voices or not.

/+/+/+/+/

The team arrived back at base and as soon as they arrived, a detective informed that Garcia was on the phone trying to get in touch with Hotchner.

“Jeez, don’t you people answer your cell phones anymore?” Garcia spoke in her normal cheeky tone, with a slight hint of frustration. Emily wished she had the audacity to talk to Hotch like that sometimes. She had no fear. On one hand though, this showed a bit of Hotch’s temperament as he allowed this, and sometimes even encouraged it.

“Sorry. We were driving back through the countryside. Spotty cell signal.” He stated simply, but his apology was sincere.

“If you think that first video went viral fast, the second one’s going through the stratosphere.” Garcia highlighted.

There was a second video? This was the first time either agent was hearing of it. Garcia was downloading the video, and then told the team she would send it to their monitor as soon as she could. Minutes later, the video is playing on their monitor. It showed a woman tied up, while angry dogs bark in the background. They soon realised that the unsub was recreating Jezebel’s death. Emily was shocked at what she was seeing, she could barely fathom it. Hotch instructed that it could be switched off, however the detective told them to wait, a bit too eagerly for Morgan’s liking. There was a reason behind the detective’s request. He recognised the dogs as there had been an altercation a couple of months ago. Hotch asked for the owner’s name and instantly went pale when he heard the name: Tobias Hankel.

“Morgan, can you get a hold of Reid?” Hotch urgently asked as he tried to call JJ. She wasn’t answering.

“He’s not picking up, Hotch.” Morgan told him, concern now in his voice.

Emily knew she shouldn’t panic but she was. Reid and JJ had stepped into the path of a killer that would see them as the enemy. She excused herself from the group as they tried to contact the two agents and then plan how to proceed. The bathroom was thankfully empty, and she hid away in a stall and pulled out her phone to call JJ. The blonde always answered her calls, although she was always meant to answer Hotch’s, but Emily felt useless if she didn’t try. She dialled the number and tears wouldn’t leave her alone when she heard JJ’s voicemail greeting.

“Jen, it’s Emily. Please, please, _please_ call me back when you get this. It’s Hankel. I need to make sure you’re okay.” Her voice reeked with desperation, but that’s exactly how she felt.

After composing herself she returned to the team but only vaguely listened to what they were saying. JJ smiling was replaying in her mind and Emily fought for it to stay. Emily feared the worst and if she couldn’t see JJ again, then that’s what she wanted, needed, to remember. If she lost JJ, then she didn’t know what she’d do. It would be like trying to sort through the rubble of what’s left of her life after the earthquake of loss hit. Her life would be a guilty addiction, reminding her of a time when her life was right, and she never took advantage.

She trusts her team. They know where Hankel lives. They’ll be able to find JJ and Reid. Everything will be okay. This gave her the realisation that maybe she should tell JJ how she felt, no matter how daunting it would be. If she never got the opportunity, she knew she’d regret it. Emily couldn’t live with herself if she never tried. Once she was able to convince herself she deserved love, then she would tell JJ how she feels.

“We need to find her - them.” Emily voiced, quickly correcting herself, hoping the team didn’t notice.

The team had phoned Garcia to let her know about the developments so she could do some analysis and she was currently on speaker phone when Emily spoke. Soon after she had spoken, her phone buzzed signalling she had gotten a text message. It was from Garcia. It simply read: _It’s going to be okay, Emily. We’ll find her. Just breathe. JJ needs you now._ Penelope was right. If it was the last thing she did, she was going to find JJ and bring her home. No matter what.


	6. Revelations

The team consisting of Gideon, Hotch, Emily and Morgan rushed into the car and headed for the farm in search of JJ and Reid. During the drive Emily couldn’t clear her head. She couldn’t stop imagining what could potentially be happening to JJ. The dogs. They could be watching her like a hawk, waiting to tear her limb from limb. Looking out of the car window she saw the calming countryside which she was using to stay focused on solely finding JJ and Spencer.

“Prentiss?” Hotch asked for confirmation which Emily didn’t hear as she was too distracted by the heroically rugged landscape. Morgan nudged her softly which startled her from this nightmare dressed like a daydream.

“Yeah?” Hotch now had her undivided attention.

“We know that there’s a house and a barn. Gideon and I will take the house. You and Morgan take the barn.” Emily nodded but realised nobody would see it in the fleeting light, as darkness was beginning to encase them.

“Yes, sir.” Emily agreed to her leader’s plan and began preparing herself for what she might discover in the barn.

The moon caught her attention from the corner of her eye. It was a warm milky glow in the sky, as if the sight of it could become a song in the eyes of anyone willing to raise their head. Emily had always adored the moon. When she was young, she had to move to another country (the first of many), but she didn’t want to leave her best friend behind. Her friend told her a secret that if at night she found herself staring at the stars, she should talk to the moon and if they saw it too, they’d be talking to her too. Young Emily was naïve enough to believe this, even when she was the object of her mother’s derision.

Emily gazed at the silver, wraith orb hanging in the lonely sky. Lasers of moonlight, as bright as a diamond, turning the small pools of water at the side of the road aglow like melted platinum. She instantly thought about JJ and wondered if she was thinking about her when she looked at the moon. That is, if JJ could even see the moon.

The tyres screeched to a halt as they arrived at the farm. They rushed out of their car to join the detectives that had arrived at the same time. Hotch, Gideon and a handful of cops went to search Tobias Hankel’s house, whereas Emily, Morgan and the senior detective went to search the barn. The smell of death hit Emily as soon as she entered the barn causing her to grip her gun tighter. Was JJ dead? She couldn’t face seeing the blonde like that.

Nothing could have prepared them for what they had walked into. Dead dogs lay on the cold, cement floor of the barn. Shot to death, with accurate shots. The flashlight that they were using to scan the room then found the blood-soaked mattress. It didn’t take long for her to realise exactly what was on that mattress. Emily almost threw up, but she had to focus, now wasn’t the time. She prayed to a god that she didn’t believe in that parts of JJ weren’t lying there.

“FBI!” Emily quietly sighed in relief as she knew that voice belonged to JJ. She was alive. However, as she had feared the blonde had been emotionally impacted by this.

“JJ!” Emily are Derek said in unison at her as her gun was still raised at them, and so they had no choice but to keep theirs raised. Derek’s voice sounded demanding, while Emily’s was more desperate.

“Don’t move!” JJ shouted back. She still felt threatened which wasn’t surprising.

“JJ, it’s Morgan and Prentiss. Don’t shoot. It’s okay. Are you hurt?” Morgan spoke calmly in the hopes of disarming JJ.

Emily was starting to panic as JJ was still holding her gun as tightly as she had before, pointed aimlessly between the agents, but never directly at Emily she noticed. She knew that she wouldn’t shoot JJ, neither would Morgan, but she couldn’t quite say the same for the other detective with them. The only way to guarantee JJ’s safety was to be in the way of fire.

She slowly approached the blonde. Her footsteps light and cautious against the hard-concrete floor as she didn’t want to startle JJ. Emily lowered her gun steadily which caught JJ’s attention as her eyes flickered from the detective and Morgan to her. Emily’s eyes dropped to the younger woman’s hands and she noted that JJ’s grip was loosening on the glock which was falling to her waist. JJ’s mind was still cloudy, but the storm was passing.

“Tobias Hankel is the unsub.” JJ stated frantically.

“Yeah, we know.” Morgan replied simply, needing JJ to focus.

“We just thought he was a witness.” JJ explained, defending herself and slightly accusingly to no one in particular. “I had to kill them.” She then said gesturing to the dogs.

“JJ, where’s Reid?” Morgan stepped forward trying to catch the blonde’s attention. It pained Emily as Morgan seemed as desperate to find Reid as Emily was to finding JJ.

“They just completely tore her apart. There’s nothing even-“ JJ was clearly traumatised, and Emily was the only one who get through to her.

“JJ, look at me.” Emily was now within touching distance of the blonde, but her eyes wouldn’t quite reach Emily’s. “Look at me. Where’s Reid?” On the second attempt their eyes met, and it brought JJ back into reality.

“We split up. He said he was going to go in the back.” JJ scrunched her nose as she was thinking carefully, forcing her mind to go back to a place she didn’t want it to go.

Morgan rushed out to inform the others while Emily couldn’t leave JJ. She approached the blonde, mindful to be cautious with her affection towards her.

“You did great, JJ.” Emily whispered softly to her, placing her hand lightly on her arm to comfort the younger woman.

It hurt Emily when JJ flinched, but she understood why. She wished that she could take her pain away. The senior detective had left to find Morgan and so it was just the two of them in the barn. She knew they had to get the hell out of there. Emily lead JJ out of the barn, careful as to where they stepped so they didn’t disturb the crime scene any further. Thankfully, the route they were taking avoided the bloodbath on the mattress, but they had to pass the dogs. JJ paused at the sight of the dogs and her breath hitched. It took Emily by complete surprise when she felt JJ take her hand tightly and Emily instantly squeezed back to reassure her. They then quickly left the barn together.

Before they entered Hankel’s house Emily took her aside to make sure she was okay as she knew that the other agents would be quick to question her as they were all desperate to locate Reid.

“Jen, wait a minute.” The nickname instantly grabbed her attention. The blonde turned to look a her with her piercing blue eyes that carved their way through her soul. “Are you okay? They’re gonna bombard you with questions and I want you to be prepared.”

“I’m fine, Emily.” She said defensively. “Nothing happened to me, I can’t say the same for Spencer.” JJ then turned away from her and entered the house.

As soon as she stepped through the door, JJ was met by questions from Hotch, Morgan and Gideon. They quickly overwhelmed her, and she began losing her focus. However, the three agents were informed about a potential lead and so went to investigate. As they left Hotch pulled her aside.

“Prentiss, I need you to talk to JJ again. She might know little details and I know you can get through to her.” Emily didn’t have time to reply as Hotch had already left to join Morgan, Gideon and Garcia who had just arrived.

Emily and JJ were left alone and they moved through to the living room so they could sit somewhere fairly comfortable. She was wary about making JJ uncomfortable, and so kept her distance. The pair sat in silence but Emily knew that every second counted and so she moved to sit next to JJ. JJ didn’t move an inch as Emily got closer which she took as a good sign.

“I know this is really hard, but I need you to tell me everything that you can remember.” She said seriously enough to get the blonde’s attention but softly enough to be soothing.

JJ recited all that she could remember which brought tears to her eyes. The tears then raced down her cheeks but there wouldn’t be a winner as Emily wiped them away. JJ reached out to hold Emily’s hand to her cheek. Her breath was shaking as she held onto Emily’s hand, not yet willing to let go.

“It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay. I’m not going to leave you, Jen.” Emily soothed embracing her in a hug.

“I think you should go to the bathroom and get cleaned up.” Emily said once she had let go of the blonde, noticing blood stains on her clothes. JJ silently nodded and left to the bathroom.

As JJ left, the other agents walked back into the kitchen and Emily went to join them. Garcia had found a live stream of Reid. He had stringed some sentences together that didn’t quite make sense to any of the agents, but they were all just relieved that he was alive.

As they worked through debunking Reid’s code, Emily noticed that JJ was still in the bathroom. Emily excused herself from the team to go check on her. She walked slowly towards the bathroom door which was ajar and saw JJ fiddling with her shirt that had blood on it. Emily stood there for a moment just wistfully looking at her. She wondered if JJ noticed her in the mirror as JJ moved. Before Emily could understand what was happening JJ had pulled her gun on Emily.

“Hey, hey, hey. JJ, it’s me. Are you all right?” Emily said slowly and clearly with her hands raised. She had never seen her look so disheveled.

“Uh… yeah. I’m sorry. You scared me.” JJ lowered her gun then pushed her hair away from her face. All Emily wanted to do was pull JJ into her arms and never let her go as guilt crept into her mind as the last thing she wanted to do was scare her.

“I’m sorry.” Emily said sincerely. JJ just nodded in response.

The pair stared back and forth at each other. Emily couldn’t quite find the words she wanted to say. Her priority was to make sure that JJ was safe, and she wasn’t safe here. Too many reminders that she hadn’t dealt with yet.

“I’m talking tomorrow morning to some guy who knew Hankel from Narcotics Anonymous. Why don’t you come with me, get out of the house?” Emily offered, willing JJ to agree as she was worried that JJ might lose it if she was stuck here until they found Reid.

“Yeah.” JJ said quietly, shrugging her shoulders, not seeming too excited by the plan.

“Okay. Great.” Emily replied and smiled softly, glad that JJ agreed. Emily thought that JJ probably wanted some space and so turned to leave.

“Emily.” The blonde called out.

“Yeah?” The older woman turned around.

“How come none of this gets to you?” Emily was not expecting this question.

“What do you mean?” She asked curiously.

“You came off a desk job. Now suddenly you’re in the field surrounded by mutilated bodies, and… you don’t even flinch.” JJ explained with a mixture of accusation and jealousy.

“She’s right. You’ve never blinked.” Emily hadn’t even noticed that Hotch was lingering in the background. This input from Hotch was the last thing she needed considering he had asked her to get through to JJ. 

“I guess… maybe I compartmentalise better than most people.” Emily stated simply hoping to move on from this topic. She didn’t want to explain why she was the way she was.

“Hey guys! I think I got something!” Morgan called from the other room. The three agents rushed to join the others to hear about the most recent development of the case.

/+/+/+/+/

“I think we all need to get a few hours rest. Gideon and I will take shifts while the rest of you can get the four hours sleep. Oh, Garcia, can you try to keep updated on the videos?” Hotch announced to the rest of the team.

Gideon and Garcia nodded towards Hotch and set up a rest area in their workspace so they could take turns resting. Morgan objected to this idea, determined to keep working the case as he was desperate to find Reid, but Hotch persuaded him that he wouldn’t be able to find him if he was too exhausted. Morgan then reluctantly left the room to sleep on one of the sofas. This case was taking a toll on him as he was clearly feeling anguished at the loss of Spencer by his side. Emily then led JJ out of the room, unsure where to take her.

Derek partly blamed JJ for what happened as they had split up, but Emily knew he didn’t mean it. He just needed somewhere to direct his pain and unfortunately that was JJ. As Emily was standing in the hallway JJ grabbed her arm and led her up the stairs.

“There’s a spare room that looks like it hasn’t been used in a long time. I guess we can go there.” JJ mentioned as they entered the room.

The room was small and bare. It was hard to make out what was in the room in the darkness as there was no light, but what Emily could make out was a single bed, a bedside table, a wardrobe and one chair in the corner. JJ sat on the bed and stared blankly at the darkness. Emily wasn’t sure what to do in this situation. She knew she wasn’t the best at comforting people. Honestly, Emily was tired. The thought of losing JJ had drained her. Emily sat on the chair, moving about trying to get comfy but failing miserably.

“You can sleep here, you dumbass.” JJ said suppressing her laugh which Emily couldn’t resist.

Emily took her place next to JJ where she was tapping. She was relieved that JJ seemed more like herself and was no longer comatose.

“It might be a bit snug, but it’s only for a few hours so we’ll be fine.” JJ mumbled as she got herself into a comfy position. She was then joined by Emily. Instinctively, she wrapped herself around the blonde as she started shivering but wasn’t thinking about the consequences of what she did. JJ seemed to appreciate her newfound warmth as she pushed herself up against Emily to get as close as she could. JJ and Emily both fell asleep at similar times due to each other’s heartbeat and soft breathing sounding like a lullaby to each of them.

Emily groggily awoke at the sound of her alarm. She found herself tightly holding JJ in her arms and JJ’s body was entangled with hers. If they weren’t on a case Emily would have appreciated this moment but she didn’t have time. Emily leaped gracefully out of bed and began to get ready. Once she was showered and dressed, she gently shook the blonde which caused her to startle awake. JJ’s breaths were shaky, and her eyes were wide, but she gradually calmed down and was able to gather her surroundings.

“Sorry but we need to get going to interview that guy.” Emily explains gently to the blonde.

“Yeah, I know. We need to find Reid.” JJ muttered sternly.

Emily left her alone to get ready and went to make them each a coffee. They had to solve this case before JJ lost herself. She was starting to blame herself which would cause her to destroy her mind. Emily hoped that Spencer was okay. She needed him to be okay. JJ walked into the kitchen and Emily handed her coffee. She gratefully took it and drank it quietly. After that the pair left for their interview.

It was sunny outside but not blinding so it took Emily by surprise to see JJ wearing sunglasses. When she questioned about JJ’s decision, she realised that the blonde was wearing them to hide the dark circles surrounding her charismatic eyes. Emily decided to join her in solidarity and placed her sunglasses on.

Interviewing the man was brief but he informed them of some useful things that they hadn’t realised before. Hankel was a drug addict and had come from a rough background. The pair raced back to their workspace to tell the other members of their team the findings.

Emily recited the things she had learnt and Hotch told her and JJ what they had found out while they were away. They had managed to access a video of Reid from where he was being held captive and tried to read between the lines to find the clues that Reid had left them. During the video, Reid had mentioned Hotch’s flaw, but Emily wouldn’t of classed him as a narcissist. Hotch was adamant that this was one of Reid’s clues. He proved this by asking the group about his biggest flaws and he got a lot of responses, including misogyny from Emily which Hotch surprisingly agreed with, but nobody said narcissist. Witnessing Hotch address his flaws made Emily rethink some things about him. She had always had an issue with authority figures as she basically had to raise herself and so was very independent from a young age and so never liked to feel controlled. She used to think that Hotch was a great mentor but didn’t like to think of him so much as her boss but seeing him admit his flaws made him seem willing to try to mend his ways which made Emily trust him as her boss. This was the first time that had ever happened in her life.

Hotch figured out Reid’s clue – he was in a graveyard. After working together, the team had figured out his exact location and raced there to find him alive, as they knew Hankel could potentially kill Reid any minute. Once at the graveyard, they had to shoot Hankel to get to Reid who was thankfully physically okay, but mentally that was a different story. Emily couldn’t help but notice JJ let out a sigh of relief at finding Spencer. JJ reunited with Spencer briefly before Morgan led him safely away. The team had been restored.

/+/+/+/+/

The flight back was quiet. Spencer slept next to Morgan due to exhaustion of the last few days and Morgan soon fell asleep after him. Hotch and Gideon carefully watched each agent not wanting to lose one of them again. JJ was in and out of sleep, resting her head against Emily’s shoulder. Penelope was opposite them and slept most of the way but when she wasn’t, she would look quizzically at JJ and Emily.

When they landed the team quickly left to go home. There was no casual conversation. Hotch and Gideon said their goodbyes and left to go home, desperate for a rest. Morgan happily volunteered to look out for Spencer and made Spencer go back to his place. Emily felt that this was her obligation to do the same for JJ. Penelope was clearly worried about JJ but Emily promised her she would look after her and so she then reluctantly left.

JJ took her car keys out of her bag and headed for the door, saying goodbye to Emily. However, that didn’t stop Emily. She followed the blonde and sneakily took the keys from her hand.

“I think I should drive.” Emily said to the confused blonde.

“What are you talking about?” JJ asked, not in the mood to joke around.

“You’re not okay, Jennifer. I’m gonna make sure you get home safe.” Emily replied honestly.

JJ thought about arguing back, but there was no point. Emily had her keys anyway and had used her full name. They left together and the drive was deathly silent. Emily didn’t even briefly glance at JJ when she was driving and kept her eyes solely on the road. JJ mostly looked out of the window but did give the odd glance at Emily, trying to figure out the reason behind her kindness.

They arrived at JJ’s apartment which was perfectly tidy. Emily’s first task was to make JJ as comfortable as possible. She did this by making her a chamomile tea and found herself in JJ’s bedroom where she saw a pair of fluffy unicorn pajamas. JJ, who had been in the bathroom, found Emily in her room and blushed sweetly as she saw her favourite pair of pajamas in the hands of Emily Prentiss.

As JJ was getting changed, the kettle boiled, and the tea was perfected by Emily. The blonde walked into the living room looking the cutest Emily had ever seen her, followed by Emily carrying two cups of tea. The younger woman gratefully took her tea and started sipping it. She sighed contently.

“That’s a good look for you JJ.” Emily said barely above a whisper. This made JJ give a small smile, not just because of the comment but Emily was no longer using her full name. This was all Emily could hope for.

The women finished their tea which seemed to calm them both down. Emily quickly washed the cups and left them to dry. As she walked back into the living room, she could tell JJ was about to fall asleep. She then forced her to go to bed which didn’t take much persuasion. Emily pulled the covers off JJ’s bed, allowing the younger woman to get in. JJ hopped in and Emily put the covers back, so they were surrounding JJ.

“You should be okay now, Jen, but if you need anything just call me, okay? Promise I’ll answer.” Emily told her and headed for the door.

“Don’t leave.” The voice was small, one she didn’t quite recognise. Emily thought she had imagined it, but turned around, nonetheless. “Em, please stay.” JJ now had tears in her eyes which panged Emily.

“I’m not going to leave you, Jen. Ever. I’m right here.” Emily joined JJ in the bed and consoled her until her tears stopped falling.

JJ hugged Emily tightly and cried into the crook of her neck. “It’s all my fault. Spencer almost died because of me. How do I get pass that?” JJ said in-between sobs.

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault, sweetheart. It’s not your fault. You’re going to take some time to rest and then you’re going to be fine because you are so strong. You’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met, and if I have to, I will remind you of this every single day until you believe it.” Emily declared as she placed a soft kiss on JJ’s forehead.

“You really mean that?” JJ asked sheepishly, her tears drying up. Emily nodded in response, wiping away the remains of JJ’s tears.

What happened next was a blur to Emily. The two women stared at each other intently, neither wanting to stop. JJ felt brave and bold as she reached forward and lightly placed her hand to Emily’s cheek. The touch felt electric, lighting coursing through Emily’s veins. This touch only happened for a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime. JJ’s hand wavered slightly as she removed it from Emily’s cheek to her shoulder. JJ seemed unsure what she was doing, before deciding the best place for her hand was on Emily’s cheek. The blonde leaned forward gently, anticipating Emily to create distance between them. But she never did.

Her mind wavered between leaning closer or pulling away. It felt like an outer-body experience for both women as they had both wanted this for so long that the yearning was palpable, and yet these women worked at the BAU were so oblivious to each other’s feelings. Penelope knew. Morgan suspected. Hotch wondered. It was unlikely that the secret that the women who didn’t even know they shared would stay hidden for long.

JJ found herself inches away from Emily’s face. Unexpectedly, JJ closed the distance between them. Her lips brushed Emily’s softly, delicately, just like butterfly wings. Their lips locked just long enough that Emily could inhale her breath, feel the warmth of her skin, and the taste of her lipstick lingered even after she had gone.

The kiss finished as quickly as it had begun. It was over. Emily didn’t want it to be over. She wanted more. So much more. If she could relive any moment from her life, she’d want it to be that one. Their first kiss. JJ’s lips were everything she had thought and more. She wished they would kiss until their lips were numb.

Emily had so much to say, but the words wouldn’t come out. What was happening? Emily had kissed quite a few women in her lifetime but none of them felt like that. She tried to look JJ in her eye, but the blonde was avoiding the contact. Maybe she felt like it was a mistake? Even if it wasn’t, Emily knew she couldn’t take it seriously due to JJ’s emotional state.

Emily debated on walking out of the door, but she knew deep down that she couldn’t do that to JJ. No matter what the situation. As she was arguing with herself about the right thing to do, JJ pulled them both under the covers and wrapped her body around Emily’s so she couldn’t leave as if she was a mind reader.

“Do you want me to leave?” Emily asked, paranoid that she was taking advantage of JJ’s vulnerability which was the last thing Emily wanted to do.

“Why would I want that?” JJ replied, not hiding the slight hurt in her voice.

“I don’t know – because of this?” Emily gestured to their lips. “Are you sure you meant to?” The voice in her head was deafening, screaming that this had all been one big mistake, a misunderstanding, a joke.

“I did what I did, and I don’t regret it, okay? Look, Emily, I’m tired. Can we please just go to sleep?” JJ pleaded.

“Sorry Jen.” Emily whispered as she clasped her arms around JJ. The blonde responded by reciprocating Emily’s gesture.

This feeling instantly felt safe. Emily felt like she had no worries in the world as she had JJ protecting her. She hoped this was the beginning of something really special. Neither one of them had said anything in a while and Emily had assumed JJ had fallen asleep, which maybe had given her the fake confidence to say some things that were on her mind, but she secretly hoped she wasn’t.

“Jennifer Jareau, you are so damn special. I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you today. I know I shouldn’t say this and it’s terrible, but I was more worried about you than Spencer.” Emily admitted, “Not because I thought you were in more danger, but because I care about you so much. Ever since we met, I felt myself change for the better. I feel like I’m becoming the person I always wanted to be. You inspire me every day. You’re the remarkable one, JJ.”

Emily paused briefly hoping for JJ to reply, but she didn’t. The silence had returned. With JJ being asleep, Emily decided to finish her thoughts as it wouldn’t matter.

“You’re one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. I drown in your eyes, and I’ve given up trying to fight. I’ve never said this to anyone before, but I-“ Emily began to choke but managed to somehow compose herself, her voice barely above a whisper. “I love you, Jen.”

The weight lifted off of her shoulders, her chest no longer felt tight and her head didn’t feel so heavy. Emily’s confession got no reply, apart from the light sound of JJ sleeping. Emily didn’t mind that she hadn’t heard, it made her feel free.

But what Emily didn’t realise was that JJ wasn't actually asleep and had heard every single word.


	7. Jones

Emily Prentiss felt like a whole new person. After getting such a good night’s sleep, she felt so refreshed as sleeping next to JJ had felt so comforting. Emily woke up with a massive smile on her face after last night’s confession. The blonde didn’t seem to hear and that was okay with Emily. Saying those words and acting on them were two completely different things. But that was something she didn’t have to deal with just yet.

The noise of her and JJ’s phone buzzed alerted them to a new possible case. As Emily went to check her phone, the blonde beside her was waking up. Without saying a word JJ looked at her phone and then got up to get ready to go to work.

“Morning Jen. You feeling okay?” Emily asked JJ softly, hoping for a positive reaction to match her mood.

“Uh, yeah. If you leave now, you’ll have time to go back to your apartment to get ready.” JJ spoke bluntly.

“Yeah, of course, no problem. I’ll see you at work.” Emily then slowly left hoping for JJ to change her mind, although what she was saying made sense as the others would jump to conclusions if they saw Emily in the same clothes as yesterday.

Emily arrived at work before JJ and so met with her fellow profilers. She was cautious of Reid as he had definitely been affected from his kidnap ordeal but Morgan, Hotch and Gideon were clearly keeping a close eye on him. JJ then showed up right on time but instead of her usual routine of lingering at Emily’s desk to talk about nothing and everything, she went straight to her office, presumably to prepare for their next case.

Concern grew on Emily’s face as she feared that JJ was avoiding everything. Isolation was a key sign to look out for to show that something was wrong. She wondered whether she should give her some space or if she should make sure she was definitely okay. She decided on the latter.

The older woman knocked quietly on the blonde’s office door. She opened the door straight away without waiting for a response. As Emily opened the door and peeked her head through the door, the blonde pulled herself away from her report and looked up at Emily.

“Everything okay?” JJ asked, turning her attention back to her report. This wasn’t the greeting she was accustomed to from her favourite blonde.

“Yeah, just a heads up, I heard Hotch wanted this case briefed in five minutes. That okay?” Emily told the blonde.

“Yeah, no problem.” That was all the blonde said and then the room filled with silence. Emily took that as her cue to leave.

JJ led her briefing to the team as she usually did. It was as if yesterday never happened. She quickly left the table to presumably sort her stuff as they were going to have to leave. On the way there, JJ was quiet apart from when she had to contribute to the discussion or answer a question. Morgan had forced Reid to stay put so the flight felt different without him.

Emily couldn’t keep her eyes off of JJ. There was something different about her. She wasn’t just quieter, but she seemed colder. Her eyes were normally like a mysterious ocean but now they were just like ice. It was clear to Emily that the ordeal with Hankel was still affecting her more than she was letting the team know. What else could be affecting JJ like this?

During the case Emily made sure to check up on the blonde. It became one of Emily’s top priorities. The older woman lost track how many times and how many different ways she asked the younger woman if she was okay. Every time she asked, she got the same response. That she was fine.

Two days had dragged on, but they had finally managed to solve their case and headed back to base. Once they got there, Emily checked up on the blonde one last time.

“Jen, do you wanna grab dinner somewhere?” This wasn’t something out of the ordinary for Emily to say to JJ, who normally accepted unless she had prior plans.

“No, I don’t feel like it.” JJ said hurriedly, heading towards the door to leave.

“Okay. Sure. Are you alright?” Emily asked with apprehension, her eyes darting up and down the blonde.

“For the last time I’m fine! You need to be stop being so suffocating Emily! Jeez. Nothing happened to me. You don’t need to be watching me all the time. I’m capable of doing a good job on my own.”

“I know that. I was just-“. Emily said sheepishly. She had never seen JJ like this before.

“Emily! Stop!” JJ’s voice was full of anger. “Just leave me alone.” She spoke more calmly but none of the anger had left.

Emily couldn’t hide the hurt she felt, but she managed to not cry in front of her, so she took that as a win. All she could do was nod and let the blonde walk away. Emily arrived home with a loss of appetite. She all of a sudden felt tired and so she just wanted to sleep. As she was lying alone on her bed, she couldn’t help but feel a pang of loneliness, especially when she thought about last night.

Last night she was wrapped up in a warm duvet, her body entangled with JJ’s. The comforting feeling she felt was nothing she had experienced before. She badly wanted to feel that again. She already missed JJ. She wished she was with her now. Against her better judgement and JJ’s wishes, she messaged the younger woman to make sure she had gotten home safely. She got no reply. Emily knew that JJ was annoyed with her, but surely, she would reply to her so she wouldn’t worry? However, she had to make sure she was okay.

She phoned Garcia as she knew that Penelope would answer straight away.

“Hello, my angel, what do I owe the pleasure?” The distinct voice of Penelope sounded through the phone.

“Hey, Penelope, I was just wondering if you had heard from JJ. She was acting a little different at work today.” Emily tried to sound as casual as she could.

“Really?” Penelope sounded surprised. “JJ was just here with me. We grabbed dinner. She seemed completely fine.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good. I’m sure you have things to do so I’ll leave you to it.” Emily mumbled, just wanting this conversation to be over. She was confused.

“Okay, Emily, call me if you need _anything_.” Penelope said using emphasis to show she was serious about her offer.

It was times like this that she appreciated Penelope Garcia. She was always there for her and nothing seemed more important than her in that moment. Emily was tired of thinking. Sleeping was screaming her name and she closed her eyes and appreciated the silence.

/+/+/+/+/

The next few cases that Emily worked had an awkward tension at times as JJ was still keeping her distance from her. Emily pondered that it was maybe due to Emily finding her in the barn and being too close to her throughout that ordeal. Morgan had been too preoccupied with Reid to really spend time with JJ, and Hotch and Gideon kept their distance as usual.

Emily hated it. She missed JJ. She missed talking to her, missed the way her eyes crinkled as she laughed, she missed the sound of her voice. They only spoke to each other when they had to. They were only in the same room when they had to. It was torture for Emily. She couldn’t deal with this, they had to sort whatever was going on between them.

Despite what JJ and Emily had hoped, everyone, especially Penelope, had noticed the lack of glances between the women, the lack of contact, no more gentle brushes of their hands at work. Emily had begun to realise that one of her favourite parts of her job was JJ.

The team had returned to the BAU from their recent case and most of the team, apart from JJ and Emily, had left. The two women had paperwork to finish and so wanted to complete it before they got another case, especially as the other profilers had already done theirs. Emily wanted, or needed, another cup of coffee and went to the break room to get it. JJ also happened to be there. The older woman waited patiently while the blonde got her coffee. The room was completely silent apart from the minimal sound of coffee landing in the cup.

“We can’t avoid each other forever, JJ.” Emily piped up. JJ sighed as a reply.

“Have you spoken to anyone about what happened?” JJ went pale at Emily’s words. “Maybe you need to talk to someone. I’m sure that would help. You’ve been different since Hankel, and it’s completely understandable, but I don’t want you to fall down the rabbit hole.”

“No, I don’t need to talk to someone. What I need is for you to stop going on abut this.” JJ said sharply.

“What have I done, Jen? Why won’t you talk to me anymore?” Emily’s voice undeniably sad.

“Do we have to do this now? It’s nothing to do with Hankel, it’s –“ JJ’s voiced trailed off.

“It’s what?” Emily asked, anguished to know.

“I heard everything, Emily.” JJ admitted, frustratingly.

“What are you-“ It dawned on Emily what she was talking about. Her face became as pale as a winter storm. Emily wasn’t sure if she was ready for this conversation, but it looked like she was going to have it whether she liked it or not.

“I… I don’t know what to say. I was tired. I thought something had happened to you and I was overwhelmed.” Emily tried to explain.

“So, you didn’t mean it?” JJ asked.

“It’s not that, I just wish I had said it at a different time, the right time.” She could hear JJ sigh.

“Why did you have to do this? Everything’s messed up now.” JJ said agitated.

“Well, let’s just forget it ever happened, okay? Then we can go back to normal.” She offered.

“What, so you can continue to _love_ me in secret? Live out your fantasy in peace?” JJ lashed out.

“Jen, that’s not fair.” Emily was hurt from JJ’s mocking tone when she spoke about Emily’s feelings for her.

“I don’t feel the same. I never will. Until you realise that, we should just be work colleagues.” JJ told her bluntly.

“You don’t like me at all?” Emily ached all over.

“No. Not like that.” JJ’s voice quivered slightly.

“But… But we kissed?” Emily spoke barely above a whisper.

“It didn’t mean anything. I wasn’t thinking straight.” If this wasn’t hurting Emily so much, then she would have made a joke out of that statement.

JJ was finished getting her coffee and walked out of the break room before Emily could say anything else. The older woman was left there alone feeling heartbroken.

/+/+/+/+/

His southern drawl combined with his smugness made Emily want to vomit. But Emily knew it was important for her to get along with Detective LaMontagne for the sake of the case. There had been some attacks and the police force had a very few leads and so they had been called in to help. Straight away Emily noticed his eyes were glued to JJ, which the blonde didn’t seem to mind. Emily was liking this detective less and less.

Emily was mostly working with in the field so barely saw JJ, however when there were team meetings, she saw her and her eyes widened. Will was flirting with JJ quietly, but she still noticed. The older woman chose to ignore it and continued listening to her team’s thoughts and ideas, but she got distracted by JJ’s laughter. Emily looked at the blonde in disbelief as she was laughing at his jokes. They weren’t even funny. So that was her type?

As soon as their meeting was over, Emily got to her work immediately. She couldn’t bear to be around someone that was flirting with JJ when she couldn’t do anything about it, especially when JJ was flirting back. She was gonna be glad when they solved the case and they wouldn’t have to see him again.

Emily hated to admit it, but she was jealous. The worse thing was that she had no right to be. JJ had made it perfectly clear that she wasn’t interested and so Emily should move on. However, as this played out Emily realised that she was in love with her and she couldn’t just switch off these feelings, even if she wanted to.

After a few days of witnessing torture as JJ and Will got closer, Emily was relieved that they managed to solve the case. However, due to them solving the case in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm they decided to spend one more night at their hotel and would fly back first thing in the morning. Once back at the hotel, Emily went straight to sleep. She was so tired that she failed to realise that when she got back to the hotel with the team JJ was missing.

On the ride back the agents were refreshed and so chatted amongst themselves, apart from JJ who was unusually quiet. She couldn’t meet Emily’s gaze, but it wasn’t out of anger this time. It was something else: guilt. Emily tried to figure out why but couldn’t.

Since the situation between her and JJ had occurred, Emily hadn’t had time to talk to Penelope one-on-one about it, although she desperately wanted to as she knew that Penelope would give great advice. Instead of going to her desk to finish paperwork like the rest of the team, Emily went to Penelope’s office.

“You busy, Garcia?” Emily asked as she opened the door.

“I always have time for you, Prentiss. What do you need?” Garcia asked getting down to business.

“You.” Emily replied.

“I’m truly flattered, but you’re really not my type.” Garcia said cheekily looking Emily in the eye.

“What? Really?” Emily questioned, jokingly offended. “Penelope, I need your advice. I messed up.”

“Oh honey, what did you do?” Garcia urged softly. Emily sighed.

“I told JJ that I liked – loved – her when she was asleep, but she heard everything. I was just overwhelmed with Hankel and I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer.” She admitted.

Emily expected some comforting advice, but she was met with a loud high-pitched squeal. This left Emily feeling very confused.

“So, how did she react?” Penelope picked up on Emily’s confusion to her reaction.

“She doesn’t want to talk to me. It’s like she’s offended I like her. I don’t know how to fix this. I can understand her not wanting to be with me, but I can’t lose her, Pen.” Tears were building in Emily’s eyes which she hated.

“JJ said that? Why would she say that?” Penelope asked in disbelief.

“I guess because she doesn’t like me.” Emily laughed bitterly.

“But that’s not what-“ Penelope started speaking but Emily interrupted her.

“What aren’t you telling me Penelope?” Emily quizzed.

“Nothing. Well, okay, there might be something. But you can’t tell anyone. Especially JJ. Under no circumstances can you let her know I told you, I swore I wouldn’t say anything. I pinky promised Emily! You don’t go breaking pinky promises with Jennifer Jareau.” Garcia warned.

“You know I won’t say anything.” Emily promised.

“It was like a few weeks ago, JJ asked if I wanted to grab a drink with her and, of course, I said yes. We go to hers and she gets drunk. Like really drunk. Similar to that time I made you guys really strong drinks and y’all got wasted. Fond memories.” Garcia sighed contently while Emily raised an eyebrow. “Anyway, JJ was drunk, and she ended up asking me how I knew I wasn’t straight, and I told her. I don’t know if it was the answer she wanted, but she ended up talking about you.” Penelope explained.

“Penelope, that doesn’t mean anything.” Emily sighed.

“Prentiss, you have no patience. I was setting the scene. I’m getting to the good bit. JJ got even more drunk. Like blackout drunk. I’m pretty sure she has no recollection of it, but she was asking for you. Crying out for you. I tried to tell her that you weren’t here, but that just caused her to cry more, so I just pretended that you were there and she calmed down enough to pass out, but before she did she kept whispering your name as she hugged a pillow. So, you still think she doesn’t like you?”

“I had hoped but I thought it was just wishful thinking, but then we kissed, so I thought she must, right? But when we argued she denied it, so I don’t know what to believe anymore.” Emily answered.

“You guys kissed? And _none_ of you told me?!” Penelope exclaimed.

“I didn’t realise I was meant to!” Emily joked.

The two women looked softly each other as they had managed to make each other smile, even though this was a delicate situation.

“So, what does this mean, Penelope? What do I do?” Emily questioned.

“The only thing you can do. Wait. JJ will figure everything out, you just got to give her time. I know that’s not the answer you’re looking for, and I have no idea how long it’ll take.” Garcia told Emily truthfully.

“That’s fine. She’s worth waiting for.” Emily stated simply and lovingly.

“You really care about her.” Emily nodded at Penelope’s words. “Wow, you two are gonna be a powerful couple.”

Penelope started sipping her coffee that was waiting for her on her desk while Emily chuckled at the thought of the power they could have and left to start her paperwork. Penelope’s enticing coffee made Emily crave caffeine. Her stack of paperwork lying in wait on her desk looked very unappealing. She briefly scanned the room and could see that Hotch, Gideon and JJ were in their offices presumably doing paperwork, while Reid and Morgan were at their own desks writing up their paperwork. Thankfully, they hadn’t noticed her yet, so she backed out of the room slowly and left the BAU to grab some coffee. The paperwork required extensive brain power and so break-room coffee just wouldn’t do it. There was an amazing coffee shop just down the street from the BAU that did fantastic lattes.

After waiting in line for a fair while she got the latte she desired and immediately started taking sips as she left. Her sips were already revitalising her as she came up with an idea as returned to the street. She noticed the flower shop opposite that was decorated in glorious abundances of a variety of flowers. Emily couldn’t help but walk through the door.

“Hello! How can I help you?” The woman behind the counter asked Emily as she walked in.

“Hi, I was wondering if you had any blue hydrangeas?” Emily asked, thinking of JJ.

The woman left the counter to fetch the flowers and then Emily paid for them. The flowers were placed in a paper bag, Emily hoping this would be enough to conceal them from the rest of the team.

Emily returned to the BAU with her latte practically finished. She saw JJ, Morgan and Reid were all in the break-room getting their coffee and so took her chance to place the plant in JJ’s office. This plant would represent all the words that Emily wanted to say, and JJ needed to hear. She binned her coffee cup, grabbed a sticky note and a pen from her desk and headed to JJ’s office. She placed the plant delicately on JJ’s desk, making sure it wasn’t in the way of her paperwork and wrote her note.

_Jen,_

_I’m sorry. Take your time. Don’t worry, I’ll wait._

_Em._

Emily guessed that JJ was going to figure out that Garcia had told her what she had said, and so would understand her message. This feared her, as much as it gave her hope. She quickly left the office and returned to her desk without being seen. She got on with her paperwork and held her breath as she saw the blonde return to her office. Emily didn’t know what to expect. She got no reaction, but she should have guessed that would happen.

Despite her conversation with Penelope and her trip to the coffee shop and florist, she still managed to finish her work at the same time as Reid and Morgan. The two men left together as recently Derek had become very protective of Reid. Emily stayed behind for five minutes and the room was practically empty. Emily wondered if JJ would come down to talk to her or if she should go to her, but she decided she had to wait until JJ was ready, which wasn’t right now.

/+/+/+/+/

The rain was becoming really heavy as the storm deepened. Emily was glad she left when she did. She was now wearing a comfy sweater and leggings to match, wrapped up in a blanket. She had ordered some pizza which had just arrived and looked so inviting. Her plan for this evening was simple. After she had a relaxing bath, she would order pizza and catch up on some tv shows or watch a movie. As she was about to dig into her first slice of pizza her door buzzer went off. She decided that if it was important, they’d buzz again. They did. Emily was curious as to who could be at the door. Emily decided to let the person in as they’d be standing in the pouring rain.

There was a quiet knock on her door and Emily quickly answered. She couldn’t hide her shock as she opened the door to reveal JJ. The blonde was drenched so Emily ushered her in so she could give her some fresh clothes. The older woman was too preoccupied getting JJ a new set of clothes and a towel to dry off, she didn’t notice her crying. After JJ had wiped her face Emily realised that there were tears on JJ’s cheeks, not from the rain.

Emily soothed the blonde and pulled her into a hug which she didn’t protest. She told JJ to get changed and they’d talk when she returned. JJ returned ten minutes later; her eyes red from crying. Emily was sat on the sofa and JJ instantly went to her to sit right next to her.

“I’m sorry, Em.” JJ’s voice a whisper.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I shouldn’t have said it.” Emily turned to face her.

“No! I’m glad you did. I just… I just couldn’t face it. I’ve never felt that way towards another woman before. I was so messed up, Emily, I did something bad. I was just so angry because I thought that if you didn't like me then these feelings would go away but finding out you loved me, and there was a chance I could be with you hurt because I didn't know how. I slept with Will. I wanted it to mean something, so I didn’t have to face this, but I felt nothing. The only thing that got me through it was thinking about you.” JJ blushed as she admitted the last part, which also caused Emily to blush.

“I don’t care about any of that Jen. The only thing that matters is the now. Can you face it now?” Emily asked nervously.

“I think so. I want to, but I need to take it slow.” This caused Emily to have the biggest smile on her face.

“I can work with that. So, what would you like to do tonight?” Emily asked, gently taking the blonde’s hand.

“That pizza looks pretty good.” JJ said hopefully, cheekily pouting at Emily.

“Anything else?” Emily asked as she offered her some pizza which JJ gratefully took.

“Can we watch a movie, like a really cheesy movie?” JJ eyed Emily’s DVDs hidden away slightly in a cabinet and gasped when she had found the perfect movie. “Legally blonde! Can we please watch it?” How could Emily say no to JJ’s enthusiasm.

The pair watched the movie while eating pizza, cuddling into one another. This was what Emily had dreamed of for so long. The storm had just gotten worse and since Emily knew that JJ walked here, she was adamant that she stayed the night. JJ didn’t need much persuasion.

“Ever since that night at Penelope’s, it takes me so long to fall asleep because you weren’t there.” JJ openly admitted which caused Emily to reveal that she was the same.

The two women jumped into Emily’s comfortable bed and wrapped around each other. It felt perfect. Emily leaned closer to JJ and kissed her sweetly goodnight. JJ appreciated the kiss and kissed her back which was a sublime feeling. Both women then fell asleep not letting each other go.

/+/+/+/+/

Emily woke up and pinched herself to make sure she was really awake, and this was actually real. JJ’s arms were wrapped around her torso and her head was hidden in the crook of Emily’s neck. The team were on-call so if they wanted, they could stay like this for the rest of the day as long as nobody called. Emily spent some time admiring the woman in her arms before she woke up.

“Good morning sleepyhead.” Emily giggled as the blonde’s eyes began to open. Emily’s words were met with a smile.

“How long have you been awake?” JJ asked as she stroked Emily’s arm.

“Not too long. I just couldn’t believe you’re here.” Emily whispered, holding JJ tighter in her arms.

“I’m here, Em, and I’m not leaving.” JJ replied, placing a kiss on Emily’s forehead.

They eventually forced themselves out of Emily’s bed and both got showered and dressed. The pair thought about how they wanted to spend their day and decided they wanted to be together. Their first date. While Emily was busy trying to think of the perfect activity to do, JJ called out to her.

“What was your plan with this paint?” JJ asked, referencing 10 bottles of paint packed in a box near her bed.

“Oh, I’m trying to get back into painting, but I can never find the time.” Emily shrugged as she spoke.

“Let’s do that! Let’s paint!” JJ said excitedly.

Emily grabbed some paint brushes and the paint bottles and led the way to her spare room. Her spare room was practically empty, just white walls, a wooden floor and a couple of cardboard boxes full of some of Emily’s possessions. She pulled out some canvases from one of her cardboard boxes and laid them out in front of them.

“What’s your plan for this room?” JJ asked, looking around the empty room.

“Uhm, I don’t really have one. I guess I’d like it to be a room where I relax in.” Emily smiled at JJ as her face lit up.

“Can we paint the walls?” JJ questioned hopefully, looking wildly at the walls.

Emily instantly agreed before she could change her mind. The pair decided they’d each take a wall and paint whatever design they wanted but they couldn’t look at each other’s painting until they were finished.

Emily had no idea what to paint. She spent some time just humming to herself, thinking of things to paint. Emily was too busy to notice JJ smiling softly at her as inspiration had suddenly hit JJ. The blonde then picked up her selection of paint brushes and paints and started sketching the outline for her picture. Emily eventually decided on painting something related to nature.

The older woman started her outline and was pleased with how her tree and birds were looking. Emily was actually proud of herself and she smiled smugly as she admired her work. She spent the next three hours painting her wall with vibrant colours. Her art surprised her at how life-like it actually looked. She hoped that JJ would like it.

“I’m finished. How are you getting on?” Emily spoke after three hours of peaceful, tranquil silence.

“Don’t turn around! I’m not finished yet!” JJ said urgently.

Emily did as she was told. She didn’t dare look at JJ’s wall. Even though she needed to go to the bathroom, she made sure not to look. She walked out of the room with her eyes closed, bumping into the door frame which caused the younger woman to laugh. Hearing JJ’s laugh caused Emily to laugh.

She sat outside her spare room for an hour as JJ finished her painting. The hour flew by as the two women spent it talking to each other. They started talking about music, art and books but it changed to a more serious topic. Their relationship.

“What are we Jen?” Emily asked softly, causing JJ’s humming to stop.

“Do we have to label it? That means I have to confront things that I don’t want to yet. Can’t we just be together? Just us.” JJ replied.

“I’d like that a lot. I just want to be with you.” She confessed to the blonde.

Emily sighed contently as she couldn’t imagine her life any better in this moment. She jumped slightly as JJ had crept into the doorway and placed her hand on her shoulder. She leaned in closer and wrapped her arm around Emily’s shoulders and kissed her cheek sweetly. Emily smiled widely and turned to face JJ where their lips met. The women embraced this accidental kiss. The longing over the months showed itself as she kissed her how she wanted to be kissed: not trying to win a war but seeking a union of closeness and the sharing of one breath, one sensation, one timeless and passionate moment. Emily had never kissed anyone like this, and nobody had kissed her quite like this before. The heat rose in Emily’s cheeks as her tongue touched JJ’s, quick and electric. Her delicate touch caused JJ to moan which surprised both women, especially JJ as she pulled away trying to hide her embarrassment by changing the subject.

“Do you want to see what I painted?” The blonde spoke quietly, now embarrassed.

“Of course, I do! You’ve built quite the suspense JJ.” Emily teased.

Emily gasped as she entered her spare room and the wall JJ had painted immediately caught her attention. It was incredible. She didn’t know JJ was as an amazing artist as she was.

“It’s so detailed, so life-like. I can’t believe you did this, it’s so beautiful Jen.” Emily told JJ who blushed at the sentimental compliment.

Emily couldn’t take her eyes off the painting. JJ had painted a portrait of her and Emily surrounded by bright, colourful butterflies. Everything about it was mesmeric but what captivated Emily the most was the emotion JJ was able to capture on their faces. They were smiling wide and their eyes gazed softly and lovingly at each other. The butterflies, which JJ loved so much, had spread their wings and were flying around the two women which symbolised new beginnings, hope for their love and the feelings the women felt around each other.

JJ took Emily’s hand and explained every paint stroke in detail and Emily found herself falling more and more in love with the blonde. The pair maintained the contact and spent some time admiring each other’s artwork.

“Are you hungry?” Emily asked as her stomach rumbled reminding her to eat as neither woman had eaten since breakfast and it was now close to dinner time as they had been painting all day.

JJ agreed that food was a good idea and raided Emily’s fridge and found an odd array of items but nothing you could make a recipe with so, as usual for Emily, they ordered a takeout. They both decided to order a sushi platter. They ate the generous platter as soon as it arrived and soon, they satisfied their hunger.

Both women were covered in paint and so they each went for a shower. Emily showered first, then JJ. After JJ was washed, she walked back into the living room and Emily stared dreamily at her as she looked as beautiful as a single line of perfect poetry. She took her breath away.

Emily’s eyes pleaded with JJ for some sort of contact which JJ acknowledged and allowed. They sat together, huddled against each other. Emily ran her fingers through JJ’s flaxen hair and hummed as she then began to draw patterns on JJ’s body. JJ reciprocated this gesture and began creating her own patterns. The women felt as if they were in their own little world and nothing else mattered. It was pure bliss.

They longingly gazed at each other before closing the distance between their lips. They hungrily kissed as if lives depended on it. This time the women’s moans were welcome. Their hands explored their bodies, as their tongues explored their mouths. They only stopped to gasp for air before returning to each other. Emily’s hand drifted lower to JJ’s inner thigh which caused the younger woman to panic.

“I’m not ready, Em.” As soon as she heard these words, Emily’s hand moved and returned to JJ’s cheek.

“Hey, hey. Listen to me, Jen. It’s okay. I will wait until the end of time for you.” Emily hadn’t expected to say such meaningful words, but was glad she did, and so was JJ as she planted a kiss on Emily’s forehead.

“Maybe I should go? It’s getting late, and we’re bound to get a new case.” JJ spoke sadly.

“Yeah, of course, if you want.” Emily said hesitantly.

JJ grabbed her bag and began getting ready to leave. She couldn’t hide her unwillingness to leave.

“Goodbye Agent Prentiss. See you tomorrow.” JJ teased trying not to be too downhearted.

“See you tomorrow, Agent Jareau.” Emily assured the blonde, kissing her lightly goodbye.

For the rest of her evening, Emily felt like something, or someone, was missing. It had been a few hours since her and JJ had spoken. As soon as JJ had gotten home safely, she called Emily and the simple conversation ended up lasting an hour and a half. Emily spent the rest of the evening reading and after finishing a few chapters she found herself tired, so she forced herself to go to sleep.

It was now just after midnight and Emily was tossing and turning in her bed. She couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t get comfortable. She missed holding - and being held by – JJ. She had tried to cuddle her pillow, but it didn’t feel the same. Luckily for her, her sheets still had JJ’s distinct floral scent which brought her some comfort. She slowly began to drift off into sleep when her phone started screaming at her. It was JJ so Emily assumed they had been called on an emergency case which she wasn’t prepared for.

“I’m sorry to call so late, but I can’t sleep.” JJ said unable to stifle a yawn.

“Me too.” Emily admitted.

“I know this is going to sound crazy, but I can stay at yours tonight? I miss you.” JJ said sheepishly. “If I drive I can be there in 15 minutes.”

“Drive safe, Jen.” Emily said gently.

The fact that JJ was coming over made her feel excited as she was seeing the blonde once again and so her tiredness was becoming a faded memory. The fifteen minutes flew by and Emily didn’t bother to change so answered the door in her pajamas which consisted of a black tank top and black shorts. JJ was welcomed back carrying her overnight bag. Emily led her to her room. JJ began to change into her pajamas which consisted of a pink checked top with pink shorts and Emily, not so subtly, admired the view.

“Emily!” JJ gasped which quickly turned to laughter.

“You were the one that got changed _right_ in front of me – you knew what was going to happen. Plus, you never told me not to look.” Emily quipped.

JJ was left speechless and all she could go was smile as she hopped into Emily’s bed. Soon the women were stuck together like glue as Emily’s tiredness returned. Feeling safe and comfortable in each other’s arms made it easy for both women to fall asleep.


	8. Honor Among Thieves

That voice, cold and collected, sent a chill up her spine. Her body froze from muscle memory, unsure of how to react at this unexpected encounter. The voice still remained familiar to her even though she hadn’t heard it in such a long time. Thoughts raced through Emily’s mind as to why her mother would be at Quantico. She knew her mother wouldn’t be here to visit her, that was an absurd idea. Maybe a relative she hadn’t seen since she was a child had died? Emily didn’t know how well she held her composure in front of her colleagues as she approached her mother.

Of course, it was about a case. From Emily’s profiling skills, she picked up that she was uncomfortable at the sight of her daughter, maybe even a little dismayed. Having her mother be a part of this case wasn’t what she had wanted. Feeling her judgmental glare on the back of her head, or if she was feeling bold right in front of her. Yet to Emily’s utter surprise her mother invited her to dinner. Honestly, she didn’t want to go. After a case, the last thing she’d want to do was spend time with any of her parents. As cruel as that sounded, Emily’s parents weren’t the superheroes they had claimed to be. Her mother was so severe, determined to control every aspect of her life regardless of the damage it would cause. Her father just stood idly by watching her burn down in flames, that was until he found his voice and he became just as poisonous as her mother. Emily knew she couldn’t refuse her mother’s offer and so accepted her invitation to dinner. She wondered what her mother’s ulterior motives behind the fake interest in her life.

“I’ll get us a reservation for 8pm, then.” Her mother informed her as she shook herself free from her thoughts. “Don’t be late.” Emily’s lips tightened as her mother’s compulsion to control surfaced.

Emily just nodded as a response. The older woman left the office and Emily let out a sigh of relief. Soon after her mother had left, JJ returned to her office. The blonde softly knocked at the door to let Emily know she was there. She peeked her head into the office and smiled tenderly as she entered her office.

“Thanks for letting me use your office. I just wanted a little privacy.” The real reason was that Emily would rather the team didn’t know about her dysfunctional parents.

“Don’t worry about it, Em. So, how did it go?” JJ asked casually.

Emily wasn’t sure how to answer this question. She hadn’t told JJ much about her, but she could probably sense that they weren’t close.

“It was fine. We’re having dinner tonight at some fancy restaurant downtown that she wants to try.” Emily replied just as casual as JJ had asked.

“That’ll be a nice change of scenery from these walls.” JJ replied lightheartedly. “I was wondering what you were doing after dinner?”

“Probably drinking a bottle of wine to get over dinner.” Emily joked, although she wasn’t entirely sure how much she was joking knowing her mother.

JJ’s laugh was golden. “Care to share that bottle?”

“I’ll let you know later.” Emily said with a smirk.

Soon after Emily left JJ’s office, she left the BAU. She didn’t want anyone else to question her about the relationship with her mother. It wouldn’t end well. She struggled to talk about her personal life in relation to her family, but JJ put her in a trance where she felt incapable of lying to her.

Arriving back at her apartment was always a weird experience. Sometimes it was calming to be in a familiar surrounding where she could relax. That wasn’t always the case. Sometimes she felt so alone in the darkness of her apartment. It was terrifying how her thoughts could drive her insane, cause her to feel nothing and everything at the same time.

If she had the choice of what to do tonight, she just wanted to relax with JJ. She didn’t want to dress up and go eat some fancy food and have a fake conversation with her darling mother. Emily raided her wardrobe to find a simple enough outfit that would satisfy her mother’s desire to have a daughter that’s a perfect clone of herself. In the end she chose a simple black dress and hoped that would be enough for her mother.

At 8pm sharp, she arrived at the chosen restaurant. It was as upscale as she had expected, and yet her mother still managed to be overdressed for this occasion which was meant to be a casual dinner with nice food. The French restaurant was busy so hopefully none of them would make a scene.

Her mother was already there and swiftly greeted her as she took her seat at the table. A smile barely present on her face but Emily didn’t expect that much from her. She had learnt from a young age not to expect too much from her mother. Her kindness never went to fruition.

The awkward silence that was bubbling between them was cut off when a waiter arrived to take their orders. He cordially took their orders and quickly left. The silence remained for some time before it was eventually broken.

“So, you’re happy with your job?” She had asked Emily this question before and her answer hadn’t changed.

“Happy isn’t the word I would choose, but I love my job. Yes, it’s difficult but it’s so rewarding. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m really happy where I am.” Emily replied with passion but managed to keep her voice to a certain level.

“Well, I guess you could go for Director which wouldn’t as embarrassing, since you’re adamant that you don’t want to go into politics. I know you might think it’s a bit late for you, but I can pull some strings and get you a decent position and you can build it up from that.” Her mother offered.

“How is being an FBI agent embarrassing? I hunt psychopaths everyday to stop them from ruining somebody’s life. I try to make the world a better, safer place.”

“ _Trying to make the world a better place?_ Give me a break Emily! The world is corrupt, you might as well join it.”

“How could you even suggest that? Do you even know me at all? I work with the most incredible people and together we’re making a difference. We’re doing good in this world.” Emily’s hushed voice becoming slightly louder with each word.

She didn’t expect her mother to laugh in response. It wasn’t a genuine laugh; it was harsh and cynical.

“Aha! So, it’s about someone on your team. Please Emily, tell me it’s a man. Maybe Agent Hotchner? I met him and he seemed decent enough.”

“How many times do we have to go through this? I’m not into guys. I’m a lesbian, mother. It’s not a phase. It’s a part of who I am.”

“Oh, so it’s that blonde agent? Jenson or something? I’ve seen the way you look at her.”

“Her name is Agent Jennifer Jareau.” Emily replied sternly.

“Oh my god. It is. What is wrong with you, Emily?” Her mother muttered. “Why can’t you be interested in someone normal?”

“You’d rather I be interested in my married boss than a woman?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not dealing with this.” Emily was getting ready to storm off as best she could without creating a scene.

“She’ll never love you. At best you’ll be some experiment for her. Is that what you really want? You don’t have to like him, but I know someone who’d like to meet of you. Think of it: marriage and kids. I know you pretend to have this tough exterior, but I know you have that nurturing within you and you want that. Do you think you’re going get that with her?”

Emily raced out of the restaurant as humanely possible without being noticed. Tears were crashing around her. What if her mother was right? She hurried back to her apartment hoping for comfort. The darkness embraced her as she returned to her apartment. She threw her shoes off and grabbed a bottle of wine from her fridge and found herself in her spare room. She didn’t have the energy, or desire, to switch on a light. She accepted the darkness and sighed contently as she drank some of her wine. Emily did not want to remember this night.

The buzzing of her phone brought her to her senses. It was JJ. She wanted to answer, she really did, but she knew she shouldn’t. She was drunk, depressed, and not in a good state of mind. She watched as her phone went to voicemail. She debated even listening to the voicemail message, but her heart pleaded with her. _Listen to it, listen, listen._ The conflicting voices in her head were screaming which made her feel numb. She gave in to temptation.

_Hey Em! It’s JJ, which you probably already knew._

JJ’s laugh made her tears fall faster.

_Hope your dinner went well tonight. I know you were worried but it’s just this once and I’m sure you got through it. If you wanna talk about it, we can do that. If it went great, then please ignore that previous sentence and tell me all about the fancy food you got! I got us a bottle of wine for us to celebrate you surviving tonight, let me know when you want me to drop by. Not to sound cliché but I’ve really missed you although we only saw each other a few hours ago. Before I saw way too much, I’m gonna stop because this message is way too long. Call me when you get this I-_

Emily’s eyes widened at what JJ was trying to say before she got cut off. She couldn’t do this. Emily’s fight or flight response kicked in. Rather than call, she texted JJ which she knew was unfair to JJ.

_Can’t do tonight. Really tired. See you tomorrow._

After she sent the message, she regretted the harshness and bluntness of the text. It felt cold. She knew that JJ would pick up on that and would probably want to talk about it. JJ’s message had been so sweet, like always. Emily expected to be left on read but JJ replied within a minute.

_No problem, Em. Sweet dreams._

Emily thought she had gotten away with her coldness and wondered whether she should really go to sleep or continue drinking her wine. She had opened the bottle so she should finish it, right?

Twenty minutes later and she was still sitting in the exact same spot. The only thing that had changed was that she had now finished her wine. She could hear knocking in the distance and wondered if she was dreaming. The knocking was getting louder and more rapid. They just wouldn’t shut up. Emily checked her phone to see if she had missed any calls relating to work which she hadn’t. It was midnight and she had work in the morning so who was knocking on her door? She was pissed.

She stumbled to her door, cursing as she walked into her coffee table. Her brain was unable to work out the lock on her door but after fiddling with the lock for thirty seconds she managed to open the door.

“Em, I guessed you were asleep, but I just really wanted to be with you before work. Wait, what’s wrong?”

“JJ, I told you not to come here!” Emily slurred.

“Emily are you drunk? We have work tomorrow. You need to sober up, you can’t be like this tomorrow or else Hotch will fire you on the spot.”

“Jen, I’m not in the mood.” Emily went to close the door, but JJ stuck her foot in the way.

“Stop being stupid and let me in. You’re not thinking clearly.”

JJ pushed her way in fairly easily due to Emily’s drunken state. JJ tried to look around to try to understand what was going on, but the apartment was in complete darkness. She switched on some lights and forced Emily to her sofa while she got her a glass of water.

Emily flinched as the bright light pained her. JJ waited for Emily to adjust to the new found brightness before she spoke.

“Why didn’t you call?” JJ took a seat next to Emily and pulled her into a hug.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Emily states quietly.

“You’re going to be fine, Emily. Trust me you are. This dinner was just a one-time thing and it’s over now. Whatever she said was a lie. Don’t listen to her, listen to me.” JJ had turned to face her and was holding onto her hand and looking intently at her.

“She knows Jen. She found out so it won’t take long for the others, if they don’t know already.” Emily was no longer slurring her words as she was sobering up. Her drunkenness was replaced with panic.

This panic was something JJ hadn't seen before. She was so used to seeing Emily so confident. JJ's concern for Emily was growing.

“Knows what?” JJ was genuinely confused.

“About us! She told me that you won’t ever love me and she’s right. How could you love me? Could you love me forever?” Emily was barely making sense as she had become hysterical.

“She’s lying! How can you not see that?” Emily had never heard JJ raise her voice like that before.

“But... But she’s not though. You said it yourself you didn’t know how you felt about all of this.” Emily stuttered.

“What the fuck Emily! I love you! I opened my heart to you, and you’ve done what I feared the most. You broke me.” JJ’s shouts had turned into choked up whispers.

Those words cut deep, and Emily couldn’t believe her mother had been able to manipulate her once again. She had been so stupid. Emily's self-hatred was being fuelled once again by her mother. Emily couldn't bear to lose JJ after she had only just got her.

“Jen, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. My mother always does this. Every time I tell myself I won’t let her get the best of me and then she does. Please forgive me. Please. JJ, I need you.” Emily desperately begged.

Emily couldn't fight her tears anymore and she began crying oceans. It was rare for her to show raw emotion like this and JJ knew that.

“It’s too late, Emily. You said what you needed to do.” JJ appeared immune to her tears.

“Please stay.” Emily whimpered.

“No. I’m going to go home to get some sleep so I’m refreshed enough to do my paperwork tomorrow so I can leave early since I have plans.”

“What plans?” Emily took the bait.

“Will called. He wants to go out tomorrow and I think I’m gonna tell him to I’ve reconsidered.” JJ said calmly and even had a slight smirk.

“No, no, no, no. JJ you don’t want this.” Emily pleaded, stuttering through sobs, with JJ as she got up to leave.

JJ sighed. “How could you doubt me like that?”

“I can’t explain my mind. Sometimes it takes control. I know I need to work on it and I’m trying.” Emily tried to compose herself.

“I know Em, it’s okay but you gotta trust me.”

"I do, JJ. I trust you with my life. It's just-" Emily sighed. She hated showing vulnerability but she knew she was going to have to. "Growing up, my parents weren't great. I wouldn't say they were abusive as such, but they were toxic and I know that's not an excuse, but they still try to manipulate me every time I see them. They're very good at it."

"You don't need to tell me anymore right now. We'll get through this. Let's get you to bed." JJ proceeded to help Emily off the sofa.

Emily now started smiling. “I love you, Jen.” She pulled the blonde into her arms and held her tightly. “Stay?”

As an answer, JJ took Emily’s hand and led her into Emily’s room.

Emily fell into her bed with fresh sheets and it felt like heaven. She patted the space next to her inviting the blonde to join her which she happily did.

"I've missed this so much. I've missed you so much." JJ whispered as she huddled into the crook of Emily's neck.

"Me too. I'm lucky to have you." Emily whispered back.

"Yes, you are." JJ quipped with a grin on her face.

“Did Will actually call you?” She asked curiously.

“Jealous?" She joked at the older woman. "Yeah, but I turned him down straight away. I only want you.” She huddled closer to her.

"This isn't going to be easy, is it?" Emily asked nervously.

"Probably not, but nothing worth having is easy. Isn't that what they say?" Emily could feel JJ's smile widen on her neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update finally! Honestly, I kinda hate this chapter. I feel like it was a bit rushed so I might go back and edit it a bit more. Let me know your thoughts on it!


	9. Open Season

Emily watched the sea, lost in the rhythmic percussion of waves on the rocks. Her eyes were steady to the horizon, face aglow with the last of the orange rays before twilight beckoned the stars. Her lips bared the semblance of a smile, just enough to show that she was enjoying her thoughts, whatever they might be. She took a breath to feel her presence, yet she doesn’t move, hoping for her to stay lost in the moment a while longer.

The water looked so peaceful flowing slowly over the rocks, baiting her to prove her worth by taking the leap into the water. Emily flinched as her toes touched the ice-cold water. The sensation made her feel alive. She stumbled further into the river until the water was up to her knees. After a few minutes her body adjusted to the temperature and she stepped in further. She couldn’t stop. The calm waves had transfixed her but within the blink of an eye everything changed. The waves became powerful and violent with their roar echoing across the sea to the distanced land hidden in the horizon. The wind lashed in a torrent of its own, determined to strike fear into Emily. The violent trees creaked so loud that at first Emily swore it was screaming. Her body was frozen. The waves crashing faster and harder against her face. There was nothing she could do. This was it. It was over.

Her body was fighting for every last bit of air, her limbs thrashing inside an invisible prison. Air was being sucked out from her body and being replaced with cold water as it filled her lungs and blood pounded behind her eyes. She pushed with everything she had but she could find no leverage, for all she knew she was dragging herself further down. Her breaths were agonisingly painful and terribly short. She struggled to keep her head above the watery grave that waited to swallow her whole. She noticed a wave barreling towards her as it crashed into her and threw her body underneath the waters.

She kicked and clawed desperately at the water, which was now flooding over her lips, freezing them as it poured into her mouth. A viscous wave hit her, knocking her down, dragging the air from her lungs. She gave into the darkness and let the water take her. Reaching out only to grasp nothing, it felt like there was a heavy blanket over her. As panic faded into numbness her heartbeat slowed down increasingly. Her tears were mixing into the water. She found the shimmering walls of water and soundlessness beautiful. She was sinking rapidly, her lungs burning with their desperate desire for air. A rush of water trickling fast down her throat.

When she grasped for her last breath of air, icy-cold water flooded in; her throat burned as if a thousand needles had been plunged into it. Her air supply ran out and her mouth instinctively opened for air. Salty seawater gushed down into her lungs, causing a surge of intense pain to ricochet off her ribs and around her torso. She was submerged with water swirling around her, crushing her. She wanted to cry out for help, but she couldn’t bring enough air into her lungs. As she kicked viciously through the water, she felt an intense pain in the back of her head. The water pushed down on her from all sides. Her arms and legs were numb from all the ceaseless movement. Emily saw the shimmer of sunlight rippling on the water above, teasing her, mocking how vulnerable she was. She could feel her lungs screaming for air, crying out, as her legs and arms thrashed around wildly. A sudden wave came again, whipping her around until she couldn’t tell up from down. The sound of waves crashed silently as she went under. She could see the surface above her, so close, yet so far away. Every muscle in her body ached in protest as she struggled towards the surface.

The last amount of air escaped her lips and was replaced with icy cold water. The edges of reason blurred, and fear lurched deep in her stomach. Death lurked around the corner. She desperately clawed at the water, trying to shoot to the surface while her lungs swamped with water as she convulsed uncontrollably. Her lungs were burning, searching for any air supply. Her body was quickly becoming exhausted. Every second that passed, the more her expanding lungs felt like they were being scorched she lost a hold of her consciousness and drifted into the vast, menacing sea. The tide had taken over her; she was at its mercy.

Everything she’d learnt about survival dissolved from her brain. The more she struggled the more disorientated she got. The last thing she remembered before she slipped away was pain. Her lungs burned for air and even though she knew she wouldn’t get any, she still took a breath. Angry waves crashed against each other, fighting over who would drown her. Her muscles relaxed and she was oddly calm for a moment – then everything slowly faded to black. As the water hit her, she knew it was over. She knew there was no point in fighting it. Her legs thrashed, and she struggled hard against the horrific current, but already her battle was nearly over. No matter how hard she tried to fight, she went further down.

The icy water shocked her system as she plunged beneath the surface of the ocean. Her heart raced and her chest tightened as the cold fist of understanding squeezed the breath out of her. The lit surface above her mocked her. Her chest was on fire. She needed to breathe. Salt water brushed against her lips and invaded her nose. She let out a deep breath to blow the water out. Her body fought her on this, it wanted to breathe in. A chill seeped into her bones and weighed her down. Even her arms grew heavy. Her body screamed out for rest, it ached for it, and she just ached. She has to keep kicking, move her legs. Move!

She slowly resurfaced. Her body aching, her mind exhausted. She had used so much of her energy to resurface but it felt worth it feeling the sun rays on her skin. Emily tried to shout for help, she wanted to scream, but her throat burned so much. In the distance she could see someone which made her inability to shout more agonising. As if the figure could sense that she was there and in danger, the figure then approached her. As the person came into view Emily gasped causing water to crash into her mouth making her choke. Her mother just stood there. No expression. Not fearing for her daughter’s life. Emily reached out hoping her mother would pull her safety. She used all of her might to call out for her mother with her dying breaths.

“Please! I’m your daughter, isn’t that supposed to mean something?” Emily pleaded, trying to find her mother’s humanity, although she wasn’t sure it existed.

Her mother walked closer to Emily making her think that she was actually going to help. Instead, she bent down so she was eye level with Emily and laughed as she watched her daughter drowning before turning around to leave.

Anger set in as she realised she was actually going to die out here. No one was coming to save her. No one cared and no one was going to miss her when she’s gone. This anger gave her the strength to keep swimming: one last burst of adrenaline. Regret followed anger. If only she’d done something differently, she wouldn’t be in this mess. Maybe it’s a punishment for something she did and now will never have a chance to apologise for. Maybe it was just arrogance or bad luck. If only she’d done something differently. Emily’s mind went back to her teenage years where she had made so many stupid choices, most of them she regretted. Maybe this was what she deserved. Maybe this was her time to die. 

The frigid finger of realisation poked its way through the fear and made her realise the truth. Her mother wasn’t coming back for her. No one was. This realisation sunk into her soul and made her even heavier. She became too tired and depressed to go on. As she was sinking, she held her breath to try to swim to the surface. However, no matter how hard she swam, she just couldn’t make it. A ringing in her ears started. Her chest felt like it was on fire and about to explode. Her breath came out in a rush, replacing the life-giving oxygen with heavy water. As she saw the bubbles rise, she knew she was done for. With water in her lungs instead of oxygen, she was too heavy to move and her willpower was gone. All she wanted to do was sleep. She thought about the home she’ll never see again and the people she’ll leave behind. JJ. Her heart broke into tiny pieces at the thought of not saying goodbye to JJ. Not being able to truly express how she felt. She knew JJ would find happiness after her, but she wanted to give her some sort of closure as she liked to think that she made JJ as happy as JJ did to her. She took one last look at the brightly lit surface above her, thinking about how close it was, but then she sunk into the depths.

Her limbs were winning this fight. She took a deep breath as the water closed in around her. She couldn’t die this way. She would never see JJ again. The sunlight filtering through the water mocked her again. A slight pressure pushed on her chest from the inside. Her clothes swirled uselessly around her, weighing her down even further. A ringing filled her ears, but otherwise it was quiet. Her lungs burned. She clamped her mouth shut and tried to kick her legs. The urge to breathe was unbearable. Her chest was going to explode. Bubbles spewed out of her, taking with them her precious air. She should want to force her legs to kick, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to sleep. Already, the blackness clouded her vision, her thoughts. The sunlight was so beautiful down there and getting further away. She took a breath knowing it would be her last.

/+/+/+/+/+/

“Emily! Emily, sweetie, you gotta wake up! Please, Em.” JJ’s panic-stricken voice temporarily covered up Emily’s gasps for air.

JJ’s cries startled Emily awake. She kicked and punched the air while trying to get as much oxygen to her lungs as she could. She clawed at her duvet trying to escape the water. Her eyes widened as her brain stuttered while her eyes adjusted to the light which she wasn’t expecting. She wasn’t drowning. She wasn’t submerged in water. She was alive.

“I’m alive. I’m awake.” Emily said quickly.

“What happened, Em?” JJ’s face was full of concern.

“Nothing. Just a bad dream. I’m okay. Honestly. Did I wake you?” Emily asked sheepishly.

“Yeah, you were screaming and choking. Are you sure you’re okay?” JJ cupped Emily’s face.

“I dreamt that I was drowning. It was reminiscent of something that happened when I was younger. It’s just I haven’t had that dream in a while, so it shook me a little.” Emily told JJ truthfully.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked the older woman soothingly.

“Not right now. Maybe another time when my head’s a little clearer.” Emily admitted.

“No problem whatsoever. I’m gonna be here whenever you need me.” JJ softly planted a kiss on Emily’s forehead. “So, breakfast?”

A small smile formed on Emily’s lips. She nodded in approval. JJ jumped off the bed and Emily noted how good JJ looked in her borrowed pajamas. JJ threw on one of Emily’s hoodies that was folded over her chair.

“You can have it if you want.” Emily offered.

“I was planning on it.” JJ replied sweetly which made Emily laugh.

JJ left the room to explore Emily’s kitchen to try to find some edible food. She found some fruit that still had a life to it, so she made a smoothie for each of them. The smoothie consisted of a range of fruits: strawberry, banana, kiwi and raspberry with a dash of oat milk.

“Here you go.” JJ passed a glass of the smoothie to Emily as she entered the kitchen.

“Wow, JJ, this actually tastes really good.” Emily exclaimed.

“You don’t need to sound so surprised. Should I be offended?” JJ joked.

“What have I done to deserve you?” Emily pulled JJ into an embrace after she finished her smoothie.

JJ pulled away and smiled awkwardly. This hesitation confused Emily. She knew she had upset JJ, but she had thought, hoped, that they had gotten past that. Maybe they hadn’t.

“We should probably get ready for work. The paperwork won’t complete itself.” JJ stated light-heartedly trying to change the subject.

The women showered and got ready for work. JJ borrowed some of Emily’s clothes which suited her so well. Emily hadn’t worn the clothes JJ borrowed in a while, hoping none of her colleagues would notice that they belonged to her. The journey to work was quiet. Emily hated the tension. She wanted to do anything to fix this.

When they arrived at work JJ went straight to her office while Emily went straight to her desk. There was no see you laters, no quick glances, no hands brushing. Emily felt lonely. She tried to convince herself that her pile of paperwork would make her feel less alone, and it did to some degree. She busied herself with the files, making sure everything was complete. The guys occasionally spoke to her, but they were also busy with their share of their paperwork. Their conversations consisted of small talk when gathering their next cup of coffee. Everyone was mentally exhausted. They all needed a night to relax which was what tonight was supposed to be after they had finished their paperwork.

After hours of taxing paperwork, Derek was the first one finished. He grinned wildly as he closed the last file on his desk and went to grab his things. He had plans to spend time with his dog and he also invited Spencer to watch a film with him, which Spencer had been unsure of, but eventually accepted as he was grateful for the company. The next to finish was Spencer. He would have completed his paperwork the earliest, but he had picked up some of Derek and Emily’s cases as he knew they had a lot to do and with his incredible reading skills he could do his paperwork faster. Gideon then finished and said a brief goodbye which was followed by him quickly leaving. The team had no idea how he planned to spend his evening. Hotch spent an extra hour than he needed to, making sure everything was in order then left to spend the rest of the evening with Haley and Jack. Out of the BAU elite that left Emily, JJ and Penelope. Emily had been finished with her paperwork for a while, a similar time to Spencer, but she wanted to wait for JJ who was still in her office.

“Are you the last one doing paperwork?” Penelope had sneaked up on Emily.

“I’ve actually finished. I’m waiting on JJ to finish hers. She hasn’t left her office.” Emily replied.

“She’s still here? Great! You pair are joining me for a girls’ night!” Penelope squealed in delight. “It’s what we all deserve. I’ll go let JJ know.” The blonde then headed for JJ’s office but then turned around. “Unless you two already have plans?” Garcia whispered with a wink.

“No plans.” Emily said sadly which caused confusion to be painted on Penelope’s face, but this didn’t phase her too much as she made her way to JJ’s office.

While Penelope was gone for thirty minutes Emily was left with her thoughts. She was nervous about spending time with JJ, her only consolation was that she wouldn’t be on her own. Emily wasn’t good at relationships. That was just a fact. She knew this one was failing, and she wasn’t sure if there was anything to do about it. Emily had loved people before, but she had never been in love until she met JJ. She fell instantly which was something she had never done before, or ever thought she could.

Penelope returned smiling brightly and informed her of the plans. Emily agreed to them and decided to leave without JJ. She hoped this wouldn’t send out the wrong message, but she couldn’t face JJ right now, not when JJ was probably thinking about breaking up with her, but seriously this time. Emily dropped JJ a quick text and then made her way home. Little did she know, but JJ had also finished her paperwork.

/+/+/+/+/

Emily wasn’t really thinking about what to wear for tonight. She was too pre-occupied with how JJ would react around her although she was hoping that Penelope would be able to make JJ mask these feelings. Emily threw on a sparkly low-cut top and some simple black jeans which made her feel good, and at the same time she wouldn’t draw too much attention to herself. 

She arrived at the bar late, reluctant to even go in the first place. However, once she arrived and was greeted by Penelope and JJ, she couldn’t keep the smile from her face.

“There she is! Our fine, fabulous friend has arrived!” Penelope exclaimed from her seat at the table.

JJ met Emily’s presence with a warm smile which Emily returned. She took her seat next to JJ and leaned softly into her. JJ took hold of Emily’s hand under the table and squeezed it softly. They turned to face each other, and Emily couldn’t help but notice that softness wasn’t the only expression in the blonde’s eyes. There was also a touch of sadness. Something that Emily hated to see. JJ dropped Emily’s hand and both women returned to Penelope’s conversation. The three women hadn’t smiled as wide or laughed as loud as they were in a while.

“I’m gonna grab a drink. You guys want another one?” Emily asked and both women agreed to another drink.

Emily walked over to the bar and waited for the busy bartender to notice her. As she waited, a man approached her. She didn’t have the energy to deal with this. She had been able to put herself in such a good mood and she didn’t want a random man trying to flirt with her to ruin that.

“Hey, I’m Brad. Can I get you a drink?” The man, presumably Brad, asked her smugly. Before Emily had the chance to turn him down, he spoke again. “Are you a major criminal? Because I’m with the FBI, and you just made the most wanted list.” Brad started laughing. “I apologise for that terrible line, but I use it because I actually work at the FBI.”

“Oh, really?” This caught Emily’s attention. The man confirmed this. “How about you come over and meet my friends. They’d love to meet a _real_ FBI agent.” Emily decided she was going to have some fun with this.

As Emily led Brad over to their table she noted that JJ and Penelope were talking and they looked slightly serious which Emily was wary of, but she brushed it off.

“It must be serious.” Emily heard JJ whisper which led to Penelope looking confused.

“Ladies, this is Brad, a real FBI agent.” Emily introduced.

“Really?” Penelope replied in amazement, playing along with Emily’s plan.

“Really.” Emily tried her best to hide her sarcasm.

“No way.” JJ said flatly, her face holding an amused expression.

“That’s exciting. What’s it like at _Quan-tee-co_?” Penelope questioned, managing to keep a straight face. Emily had to bite her tongue to stifle a laugh, especially as she looked at JJ who was struggling to hide her smirk.

“It’s, uh, quite impressive.” Brad’s confidence was increasing, clearly, he had been tricked by Penelope’s fake pronunciation.

“What department are you in?” JJ quizzed Brad.

“That’s classified.” Brad responded coolly.

“Must be really tough keeping all those secrets.” JJ toyed.

“You know, it’s a skill like anything else. Carpenters are good at building stuff, measuring. FBI is good at keeping secrets. And kicking criminal ass.” The man’s confidence was unescapable, and incredibly high even though at this point Emily and Penelope couldn’t hold in their laughter any longer. He probably thought that JJ was genuinely interested.

“Well, somebody has got to do it.” Penelope spoke after getting her composure under control.

“Oh, do you have to carry your gun and badge with you everywhere you go?” Emily was building up to the finale.

“Affirmative.” Brad tried to sound as spy-like as he could.

“Can we see it?” Emily asked, with a hint of seduction in her voice.

“See what?” Brad asked, his confidence dropping slightly.

“Your badge.” Emily clarified in an alluring tone.

“Please.” Penelope inputted with her pleading voice.

“I’m sorry, that’s…” Brad started but was cut off by the three women.

“Classified.” The women finished his sentence for him.

“Figures. Of course.” JJ played along with the man’s ruse.

“Tell me, Brad, does it look anything like this?” Emily decided to end the game. She confidently and effortlessly took out her badge and flipped it to reveal her credentials.

Now, it was JJ’s turn. “Or, uh, this?” A smile was plastered on her face.

“Or maybe this?” Penelope completed the line-up.

Brad walked away knowing that he had been well and truly defeated. The three women couldn’t stop laughing. This moment was something that they truly needed to give them a break from the constant stress of work, with people’s lives in their hands. JJ seemed to be acting fine, and Emily was honestly relieved. Their laughter and smiles were interrupted by JJ’s phone making that familiar sound. The blonde stood up, excused herself, and left to answer her phone. All three knew it was about a case. None of them wanted to leave but they knew they had to and were thankful for this break.

“Lady, you are officially in my top 8, and I am so blogging about this later. Clink me.” Penelope announced to Emily. This was quite the compliment to be within Penelope’s top 10. Emily was truly honoured and wanted to express her appreciation, but she wasn’t quite drunk enough, which turned out to be a good thing as they got called to a case. JJ returned with an apologetic look on her face, confirming what they already knew.

The journey to Quantico was a stark contrast to atmosphere in the bar. The quietness preparing them for what was to come. In the cab, Penelope was making pleasantries with the cab driver, JJ was listening to music drowning out the world, while Emily was staring out of the window which was her a comfort thing for her. Once they arrived, they were filled in on the case and they knew that this was going to be another gut-wrenching case.

/+/+/+/+/

That case really got to Emily. It was making her question everything. On the plane back, she decided to sit at the back by herself to think things through.

“You okay?” Derek had left his seat to approach Emily. She couldn’t help but sigh. “I’ve never seen you look so, um-“

“Quiet.” Emily finished the sentence for him.

“What’s up?” Derek was concerned.

“Bobbi Baird asked me a question that’s sticking with me.” Emily admitted.

“What was it?” Derek asked curiously.

“She asked me how they could do it. How those men could… hunt and kill people in the woods.” Emily blurted out.

“What did you tell her?” Derek asked softly.

“That they don’t think like we do. But… the truth is… that we do think like them.” Emily was vulnerable. Was this job causing her to lose her sanity? Was it really worth it?

“Yeah, we do. Because it’s our job. We need to know how it feels.” Derek acknowledged.

“We hunt these people every day. The question is, how different are we? Us and them?” Emily pondered.

Derek gave her a reassuring nod and then left to return to sitting with Gideon, Hotch and Spencer. JJ was sitting alone opposite them. Once Derek had returned, she glanced at Emily and decided to join her.

“This case was a tough one, huh?” JJ remarked as she sat down opposite Emily.

“You can say that again.” Emily replied sarcastically.

“I know this case was a difficult one, but I think we really need to talk, can we meet tonight?” JJ asked quietly.

“Yeah, of course Jen. You wanna meet at my place or yours?” Emily queried.

“Mine’s probably best.” JJ quickly gave her a hand a reassuring squeeze and then gave her a small smile and left.

Emily spent the rest of the journey alone staring out of the window fearing what JJ was going to tell her. Whatever it was, she knew she wasn’t ready, and it was going to break her heart.

/+/+/+/+/

She had arrived right on time to meet JJ at her apartment, but she felt sick so spent 10 minutes walking in circles outside her apartment to clear her head and made her able to face her reality. Once inside her apartment building, she knocked softly on JJ’s door. She swore she could hear JJ take a deep breath before she opened the door. If Emily hadn’t heard it she’d be none the wiser as JJ appeared normal when she answered the door. JJ invited Emily in and they both took a seat on the sofa in the living room.

There was an awkward silence which Emily wasn’t used to with JJ. Normally, it was comforting and there was a connection that made Emily feel warm and safe. That was gone now. All that was left was cold silence.

“What happened last night, your nightmare, it really scared me. You need help, Em. Help that I can’t give you. If I could I would. You know I’d do anything for you Emily.” JJ had started crying and Emily braced herself for what was coming. “We can’t do this anymore.”

“But why? I’ll get the help Jennifer. We’ll be okay, please listen to me Jen, we’ll be okay.” Emily pleaded.

“You need to fix yourself Emily.” JJ reached out to cup Emily’s face. “I don’t want to do this, but this will never work out. For starters, working together complicates everything. How do we expect to keep this a secret from a team of profilers?”

“We would work something out. Jen, you know I’d do anything for you, even if that meant transferring out.”

“No, Emily, I’d never let you do that! You shouldn’t have to give up your dream job. I’m not worth it.”

“But you are! I’d give up all the moons and stars for you. We can’t give up this soon. Not when I know you love me, and you know I love you.”

“I do love you, Emily, I don't think I'll ever stop loving you.” Emily wipes the tears falling from JJ’s eyes. “It’s like the right place but the wrong time.” JJ let out a shaky laugh.

“JJ please don’t give up on me. I need you. Yeah, I’ll admit it, I’m a little fucked up, but I just need an emotional reset and then I’ll be fine. I’m always fine. I’m not just going to stand here and let you give up. I’m going to fight for us. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Please, JJ, I’m begging you.”

“I’m sorry, Emily. I really am. Maybe in the future when things are a bit different we could be something really special, but for now, we should just be friends.”

“But you love me, Jen. How can you get past that?”

“I can’t! I am madly in love with you. You’re one of a kind, Emily Prentiss. I’ll never forget these moments. We were happy but you’ll find that again when you’re ready.”  
  


“Why do you sound like you’re saying goodbye?”

“I’m saying goodbye to this part of us."

“I would’ve loved you for a lifetime.” Emily was breaking down. She was losing her.

“I know.” JJ said softly.

“Would you… would you wait for me? I won’t be like this forever.”

JJ took a deep breath. “I can’t. I, uh, I’m meeting Will tomorrow for a drink. It’s a… It’s a date.”

Emily couldn’t breathe. All the oxygen left her lungs. It was like she was drowning all over again. She tried to steady her breathing, but it wasn’t working. At this point she was hyperventilating.

“Why? Jennifer, you said you loved me. Do you even like him?” Emily was losing it.

“I don’t know. He’s just safe. He’s the easiest option.”

“So, I’m too difficult for you?” Emily was broken. She had lost her will to fight. “It’s over. I get that now. I need to get out of here.”

“Are you sure you’re okay to leave?”

“I don’t need your concern.”

She turned towards the door and opened it without saying goodbye. JJ stood in the doorway with tears in her eyes. Both women were crying which hurt as none of them wanted this but this was what the universe apparently wanted. Emily hadn’t felt pain like this in such a long time. This type of pain was new to her and her heart was shattered into too many pieces to ever fix. Her heart was going to be covered in cracks for all eternity.

Emily was crushed, everything near her was crashing around her. She had lost the love of her life and she knew she wasn’t going to get her back. All hope was lost. It was hard to see from all her tears, but she had to get out of there. She hailed down a cab and headed back to her apartment.

/+/+/+/+/

She returned to her apartment and all she wanted to do was go to sleep and forget this ever happened. She gave her heart to JJ and now she wanted it back. When she reached her bedroom, she noticed that her bed from yesterday wasn’t made. She fell into her bed and her sheets still smelled of JJ. She couldn’t run away from her. Silence filled the room as a misty haze fell upon the horizons of her mind. She could feel the hard, painful lump in the back of her throat as the tears formed and fell down her cheeks as she took in JJ’s scent. Slowly, her breathing hallowed itself and a small but intense pain struck the top nerve in her head. It seemed like she was having an outer-body experience as she heard shouting that seemed so distant, yet they were her shouts. Tears streaked down her face as she shouted for JJ, for help, for forgiveness. She needed to forget and the only way she knew how was to get drunk so that’s what she did. She got blackout drunk as she finished her bottle of vodka which wasn’t nearly as empty as she’d pretended it was.

She couldn’t remember anything. She woke up after passing out with no recollection of what had happened over the last few hours. She couldn’t remember the briefest of moments, all she saw was her own hand covered in blood paired with her tear-stained blouse. She barely recognised her own voice repeating the sentence: I can’t do it anymore.

As she became more aware of herself, the panic started. Her chest got tighter, the muscles determined to not let another breath in. They’d rather she died. She had to fight for every breath. The best she got was shallow breathes and aching lungs frozen still against her suddenly heavy ribs. Her mind became static. Her thoughts made no sense as she fought for her sanity. Replays of the horrors from earlier that were once forgotten flashed before her eyes. The empty vodka bottle stained with her blood was smashed on the floor. As she picked each tiny piece of glass from her hand, she remembered more and more. Her screams and her cries. As she slowly steadied her breathing and took control of her thoughts she was thrown back into reality. She was sitting on the floor, limbs unwilling to work. She had to get out of that room. Not paying attention she ended up in her spare room, which was a terrible mistake. The moonlight peaked its way through the window and lit up the room slightly, focusing on the wall that JJ painted. Emily’s eyes were met with her and JJ smiling. It was a bittersweet reminder of what could’ve been. Her remaining thread of strength frayed before breaking completely, sending her plummeting over the edge and into darkness. Wild, hysterical sobs shook her thin frame, threatening to tear her apart. She fought to reclaim control over her body, shocked by the sounds escaping from deep within her chest. However, this was a battle she could never win.

She found a half-drunken bottle of wine which she quickly finished. She was beginning to remember which made her want to die. Emily didn’t know how she was meant to be fine after losing JJ. She had been able to teach Emily what love truly was and after experiencing it, Emily wanted to feel that way forever, but she didn’t think she ever could.

JJ was the most beautiful person Emily had ever come across; she was the definition of a goddess. Her eyes were like the ocean in a storm. She knew she should stay away but she couldn’t. She was mesmerised by the waves. Emily knew that she was probably talking to Will right now planning their perfect little date which should’ve been with her. It hurt so much, she was getting emotionally stabbed over and over again. She could feel her heart break over and over again like a vase being thrown to the floor. The last shred of normalcy she had left shattered along with it. The shattered pieces lay on the floor glistening in the moonlight. Breaking down never looked so beautiful. Emily knew that there was no hope in trying to put them back together, so she didn’t even try. She just lay there staring at the portrait of her and JJ. Eventually, Emily passed out again. When she awoke it was morning and she knew that she wasn’t just hungover but heartbroken as the sun wasn’t shining and the birdsong passed by as if the melody couldn’t glide through the air as it once did before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So, I really wasn't too happy with the last chapter so I hope this chapter makes up for it. I really appreciate everyone that is still reading this story :)


	10. Legacy

Emily needed coffee. She needed something to make her get over her hangover while making her simultaneously forget so many things that lurked in her mind. As she drank her coffee, she questioned whether such a thing existed. Perhaps, but definitely not legal. Emily had made a fool out of herself. It took everything she had not to pack up and leave everything behind. How was she meant to face her team again? Surely, they would know what had happened, what she had done.

Emily was still angry, but she was also full of hurt. These mix of emotions were causing her to feel powerless. She couldn’t believe how vulnerable she had allowed herself to be. That’s what she was really angry about. Not JJ. It was the way that she had expressed herself. She had let everything out and honestly, she was embarrassed, the lesson her mother taught her still ingrained in her brain. She had tried to go to therapy to correct this learned behaviour, but she could never open up, could never tell exactly the truth. Maybe her therapist would have been proud of her recent outburst. She let out a half smile.

“Are you getting out?” Reid asked, staring at her.

Emily blinked herself free from her thoughts and realised she was standing in the elevator even though it had already arrived at its destined floor. The doors were getting ready to close when Reid spoke, waiting for Emily to depart.

Emily quickly stepped out of the elevator as the doors began to close, feeling embarrassed yet again, with Reid following at her heels. She kept her head down, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone as she made her way to her desk. Reid oddly did not seem to notice this, or perhaps he didn’t care, as he again followed her. While covering the short distance from the elevator to their desks, Spencer had splurted twelve facts in that time in which Emily had been too pre-occupied to truly listen.

Derek greeted Spencer when he arrived at his desk and then greeted Emily as he normally did. Everything seemed normal to her surprise. She was still cautious about approaching JJ and Penelope, who no doubt would have been informed by the communications liaison. Emily wondered how long before she would have to come face to face with them. Whenever that time would come, it would be too soon. Emily wasn’t ready. She had let her guard down, let JJ in and it had crumbled before her eyes. She could’ve done something to not ruin it. If she hadn’t pressured JJ into this relationship, then she wouldn’t have ran into the arms of Will. However, this was something she was going to have to accept somehow. She didn’t know how, but that was her battle to fight.

She hoped that she’d be called to a case to distract herself from this mess that she had caused. The sound of high heels crashing against the floor caused Emily to take a deep breath. Straight away she knew who this was and that she was striding with vengeance.

“Emily!” Penelope launched herself towards her. “Do you have a middle name?”

“As if my parents cared enough about me to give me a middle name.” Emily joked although she was taken aback by the question as it seemed so out of the blue and so personal. This wasn't what she was expecting from the technical analyst.

“Aw honey! Wait no, we will talk about that another time. Well, Emily Prentiss, I am mad at you! You promised me that you wouldn’t hurt her!” Penelope began to raise her voice, the anger seeping through. Emily couldn’t recollect a time where Penelope had spoken to her like that.

She was talking about JJ. Of course, it was JJ. Guilt panged on Emily, clawing at her soul. She knew she had over-reacted but she was hurt.

“But she hurt me too, Pen. We were so close to being together, but she’s dating Will now. She told me that she loved me, and she’s still dating Will, so yeah, I don’t feel like talking to her.” Emily said her voice full of angst.

“How can you be so smart and yet so clueless?” Penelope sighed.

“What do you mean?” Emily was genuinely baffled.

“There’s a reason JJ acted like that. Did you take the time to ask her?” Penelope questioned.

“No. I didn’t think-“ Emily admitted then tracked off. Penelope was right. She felt terrible.

“JJ has her reasons and they’re completely valid. You just need to listen to her.” Penelope explained.

“I’m not ready to talk to her, Pen. We’re too hurt right now.” Emily spoke quietly, clearly on the verge of tears.

Derek interrupted their conversation by announcing to them that they had another case and were to gather in their meeting room. Penelope made her way to join the other members of the team but stopped when she noticed that Emily wasn’t following her.

“Prentiss, come on.” Penelope baited for Emily’s attention, but she remained still like a statue at her desk. “Em, we need to go.”

This caught her attention. Emily looked similar to a deer in headlights. She moved an inch and then stopped, her body unable to comply with her mind. She needed to go, but it was so difficult to move one foot after the other.

Emily hadn’t seen JJ since she had stormed from her apartment. She was expecting JJ to still be angry or hurt with her as she should be. Emily was nervous. She needed a break from JJ but with work she never got that. JJ was like a drug that she was addicted to, and by being separated from her, unable to hold her or even talk to her, was causing her to have withdrawal symptoms. Her chest was heavy, and she couldn’t think straight. Everything just seemed so blurry.

Garcia and Emily walked into the conference room, quietly apologising to Gideon and Hotch on their way in. They took their seats and the briefing got started. It wasn’t long before Emily couldn’t avoid JJ any longer and the older woman looked into the blonde’s soft eyes and yet couldn’t pull away. None of them could. JJ’s blue eyes were waves of emotion, the hurt evident on her face when she turned away. She couldn’t bear to look at her anymore. Emily didn’t blame her.

The case was a bizarre one as none of the victims were proved to have been harmed, but the team weren’t willing to take the chance especially as there were over fifty potential victims. Each member got ready for the jet individually and discussed aspects of the case. Before they knew it, they had arrived at their destination and got to work.

/+/+/+/+/

The case was draining as they had proved the existence of a serial killer targeting such vulnerable people, but the case had ended with a positive outcome that they had hoped for. Emily and JJ had managed to stay professional and courteous to one another, however once back on the plane they both avoided each other with Emily opting to sit on her own at the back of the plane, while JJ sat on her own near the front. This was killing Emily slowly, as someone had stabbed her and was twisting the knife. From the look on JJ’s face, she was experiencing something similar. Emily had to fix her mistakes.

The jet landed in the early evening and Emily had an inkling that Penelope would still be in her workspace. She rushed there, hoping to not miss out on finding the blonde there. To her luck, Penelope Garcia was sitting on her throne taking down bad guys one code at a time.

“Hey Pen. We solved the case.” Emily announced awkwardly as she walked into the room. She wanted to build up to the real reason she was there.

“Honey, I know. Good work. JJ told me all about it – well, not any of the truly awful, gory things that happened, but the main things like how you got the guy.” Emily nodded in response. The mention of JJ rattled her.

“I need to know how to fix things with JJ.” Emily said hesitantly.

“Talk to her.” Penelope replied simply.

“She won’t let me! I hurt her really bad, I know that. How am I meant to mend everything when she can barely look at me?” Emily was pacing back and forth across the room.

“Do you know why JJ ran into the arms of Will?” Penelope sighed. This question made no sense to Emily and so Penelope continued.

“She’s from a small town and you know how some people can be. JJ’s never admitted to anyone, including herself, that she could fall in love with a woman. It’s happened before her eyes and she’s freaking out because this isn’t what she, or her parents, envisioned. It’ll take time for her to truly accept herself but those moments that you were together, they were real. She keeps backing out because that means telling the world, her parents, herself, that she’s interested in women, and she’s not ready for that. Just remember that she’s not like you. She’s not Emily ‘I don’t care what anybody thinks about me’ Prentiss, or at least that’s what you try to have us believe, Em, but I know how sensitive you can be and that’s okay. You can’t always be a bad-ass.” She finished with a soft smile.

“So, I should let her be?” Emily’s voice barely above a whisper.

“Her parents are pressuring her into a relationship and Will was the first guy that she was vaguely interested in. Her feelings for you are nothing compared to the feelings she has for him. It’ll just take her some time to realise that.”

Penelope had put hope back into Emily and she was desperate to get JJ back, even that meant just as friends.

/+/+/+/+/

Emily was on a mission. Her plan of action was to leave a note for JJ and hope she’d reply to it. Emily knew this was probably a bad idea as she stood outside JJ’s apartment. She managed to sneak into the building and discreetly made her way to JJ’s door. She had written the note once she had finished work and got back to her place. She had wanted to keep it simple and yet grab JJ’s attention to show her how sorry she was.

_Jennifer,_

_I know what I did was wrong. I know you’re hurt. Let me make it right. Please talk to me?_

_E._

A little bit after their first night where they got drunk with Penelope and JJ mentioned her favourite flower, Emily spotted a necklace from a shop window and she just knew she had to buy it for her. The necklace was a small sphere with tiny forget-me-nots pressed on the sides of the sphere. It was breath-taking and it instantly made Emily think about JJ, so she knew she’d love it.

She carefully placed the box containing the necklace carefully on the floor outside her door with the note attached to the box. It was late but she knew JJ wouldn’t be asleep just yet, so she knocked softly on the door and then turned to leave. She wasn’t entirely ready to face her just yet.

Emily returned to her apartment after grabbing some food at a local diner. She went to have a shower to clear her head and then headed for her bed. She got in-between the covers and sighed with content. She felt herself almost drift off when her phone beeped. She knew that ringtone and instantly became awake. It was from JJ. She assumed it was probably about an emergency case or else, why would she be calling?

Before Emily had a chance to even say hello, she was graced with JJ’s sweet voice.

“I got your note Emily. We can, uh, we can talk in person. I don’t really wanna do this over the phone. How about after work tomorrow?” Her voice was hesitant, and it was obvious that she was nervous.

“Yeah of course, JJ, that’s fine. I appreciate you calling. I’m so sorry Jen, I should’ve listened to you-“

“I’m sorry too, I can understand how me getting together with Will would confuse and hurt you, I just didn’t know how to explain it.”

“It’s good to hear your voice.” Emily whispered after a moment. She wasn’t sure if JJ had even heard her until after a silence of about twenty seconds JJ replied.

“It’s good to hear your voice too.” JJ’s voice was genuine, and Emily’s heart ached for her. “I’ve missed you.” JJ’s voice barely audible.

“I’ve missed you too, JJ.” Emily replied softly.

The line went dead.

/+/+/+/+/

A day of paperwork didn’t really excite Emily, but it was a much-needed break from being on the front line. She put her head down and just got on with her work. Once finished, she decided that it was time. She headed to JJ’s office.

The blonde was quietly working on her paperwork, humming softly to herself.

“Is now a good time to talk?” Emily’s voice interrupted JJ’s humming.

“Yeah, now’s a good time. So, what did you want to say?” JJ asked with no malice in her voice.

“I wanted to apologise. For everything. I should’ve listened to you, and I didn’t even give you the chance to speak. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”

“Em, I understand that you’re trying to make things right, but you can’t just buy me things and expect this to all go away.”

“I know, I know.” Emily replied quickly. “I had bought it ages ago and I wanted to give it to you. I thought now was as good a time as ever.” She explained to JJ.

“You’ve had this a long time?” The blonde asked, surprised. Emily nodded in response. “I really liked it.” A smile making its way onto her face. It suited her well.

“Let’s make a truce.” Emily suggested. “You do what you think is best and I will support you one hundred percent and we get back to how we were before. I miss being able to talk to you.”

“That sounds good. I’m always going to be here for you, Em. Whenever you need me, just call and I’ll be there.” JJ was soft-spoken and she slowly reached out to grab Emily’s hand which she squeezed gently.

“Same for you, Jen. I mean it. You can tell me anything.” Emily and JJ’s eyes were locked in place, looking at each other, hands clasped together. JJ gestured for Emily to take a seat which she did.

“I always knew it. Since I was about 14. It was pretty obvious to me and it scared me, Emily. My parents are good people, but they don’t accept this. They would have disowned me, so I pretended this wasn’t a part of me until I met you. Everything changed when I met you. I’m not ready right now, I wish I was but I’m not, and that’s so unfair to you, Em. I can’t do that to you. My parents constantly ask me about who I’m seeing so I guess Will is to shut them up, but he seems to be the thing that I handle right now.”

“I’m sorry for how I acted before. The only thing I won’t apologise for is my feelings for you. They’re there, I can’t hide them, but I want you to be happy so if that means letting you go, then I’ll do the best I can.” Emily said peacefully. JJ reached over her desk and once again grabbed Emily’s hand softly as her thumb carefully moved in a circular, comforting motion.

This comfort from JJ was everything to her, but she couldn’t keep relying on this and so she found the strength to let go. They said their goodbyes and Emily was relieved that they were back to normal, although the tension between them was evident. Every time Emily looked into JJ’s eyes, she wanted to kiss her. From the look on the blonde’s face, she could tell that she felt the same.

Emily left JJ so she could finish her paperwork. As she returned to her desk, Morgan invited her to a movie night Gideon and Hotch were organising in the conference room. Emily accepted as it sounded like a good bonding session for the team. Morgan left to tell JJ about the movie.

The team gathered in the conference room to watch some Charlie Chaplin films which was Gideon’s choice. Everyone was here, apart from JJ who was making the popcorn. After a few minutes, she joined them. Emily could tell just by the way she was walking that she was insecure; her shoulders were hunched over as if hiding the treasure that was within her. Her footsteps were light and timid as she slowly approached, watching Emily through skittish, wide eyes. She was still nervous from before when they both admitted their truths. Emily smiled lovingly at her (she couldn’t help it, she was looking at a goddess, after all), hoping to lighten the burden she was carrying on herself. It was as if a light switched on in a dark room as her eyes lightened up and she smiled lovingly back. That smile gave her a rush of serotonin as she was able to reach places the sun couldn’t and warm their soul.

JJ took her seat next to Emily as if she belonged there. Seeing JJ so carefree was one of Emily’s favourite things. JJ picked up some popcorn and lightly threw it at Spencer, laughing gently to herself. As JJ passed the popcorn to her, Emily’s eyes were drawn to JJ’s neck as she noticed that the blonde had put on the necklace she had gotten her. The purple flowers looked beautiful against her skin. During the films Emily noticed on multiple occasions that JJ would lightly hold the necklace as if for comfort. As if she was holding onto the memories that her and Emily had shared. Maybe this necklace symbolised hope and yearning for them, and Emily would wait until the end of time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, as always I appreciate feedback :) Have a great day!


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